Are we to nice on our kids? Do we sacrifice too much for "high self esteem?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for positive self image, but how much is too much?
We give our kids prizes "just for trying." We make excuses for our kids when they screw up. How will they learn?
I compete in martial arts. I have for years. I have been in countless tournaments. I have NEVER been given a trophy just for being there. Why should I? Clearly I wasn't competing on the same level as everyone else...my kata wasn't as strong, mybe my sparring wasn't as fast or clean. Why should I get a trophy? My instructor should tell me "I'm proud of you for trying, but you didn't do as well as you could have." Then drill my ass until my kata is perfect and I have clean techniques the speed of light.
What's wrong with that?
Now, in some schools, during competitive events all kids are given medals just for trying. Does that make kids lazy? If I got the same medal as the kid who got first place, would I try harder? If I got first place and the kid who came in last got the same medal, why should I try next time? Don't get me wrong, I am all for positive self esteem, but how much is too much?
Sure, a kid will cry if they don't win. Does that mean we should give them a medal? Kids cry when they don't get ice cream and they want it. Do we give in and give them ice cream? No. Why should sporting events or anything else be different?
I think this teaches our kids that, as long as you show up, it doesn't matter if you try. Don't practice, don't strive, because you will get the same results no matter what. Think if we applied this to all facets of life: school tests, papers, college, job interviews...anything. Well, you're here...you came to class today. Everyone gets an A! Imagine how upset the kids who studied would be. And how happy those who didn't would be.
Nowadays parents will make all kinds of excuses for their screwup kids. Sure, some kids really have problems, blah blah blah. But if a child gets a poor score in a class, why should the parent cover for them? The child refuses to study or do homework, yet parents blame the teacher, the school, the other kids...God forbid their child be at fault.
Why can't we just teach kids to try their best no matter what? To practice if they want to get better at sports, or music or drawing. To study hard for tests. To accept responsbility when they mess up.
Are we turning our kids into sissies?
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The problem is that everybody thinks their child is special. In fact, most children are not special: most of them will grow up to have the exact same dull, middle-class lives as their parents.
Besides, any bozo with a couple of body parts can knock together a kid in less than a year.
It's time to stop pretending that all kids are great and start introducing them to reality: the job interviewer's not going to hire everyone who applies just because they're "special," they're going to hire the most qualified applicant.
(if you can't see the fnords they won't eat you)
i dont think that it is turning the kids in sissies. some kids just arent good at anything and instead of them growing up to hate the world and kill people they give them awards for trying. some kids just dont get things. like education, some kids just dont get math. some kids just cant play basketball. should we blame the genetics?
Whats your point? So get your kid a tutor. Spend time with them at math. They aren't good at basketball? Shoots hoops with them or help them find something they are good at. Praise them for what they are good at (art, music, writing, reading, sports, ANYTHING). I know plenty of people that weren't praised for every little thing we did right, and none of us hate the world and kill people.
I think you SERIOUSLY overestimate the reactions of these kids...if that were the case then everyone would be a murderer...
Hail The PitGodess!