so i've got this friend right?
and like many of my friends she comes to me with her relationship problems, and i, as usual set up a time to go out to eat, so we can discuss this.
seven o clock rolls around in the big town of bagley and i go to where i was meeting my friend, it's there that she drops a bomb on me.
she's cheated on her boyfriend, the one she sees "forever" with.
now dont get me wrong, i was very surprised to hear this from my friend,
first off because she's never cheated in her life, and secondly because she seemed to actually want to spend the rest of her life with this guy.
she explains to me how they were out at a party, and then a group of their friends procceded to go back to his best friends apartment where they were spending the night. while there they drank some more and things started getting slightly uncontrolable. as i see it, people were dancing, music was playing, and her boyfriend was out on the patio smoking when this all occured. lately my friend has been feeling a little bit suffocated by her boyfriend and she was explaining this to one of his roomates. talking lead to longer talking and eventually they ended up kissing. when suddenly the conscience that my friend has, kicked in, she quickly pulled away, apologized and ran into the bathroom.
and that is where she spent the night.
in the morning she didnt remember what she had done, one of her girlfriends had woke her up and explained to her what she saw, and what her boyfriend had seen. she knew things weren't going to be ok after that, so they sat and talked. aproaching her boyfriend she tried to explain her motives, but something just seemed wrong. she admitted to her mistake, and promised it would never happen again. she explained that she knew what she did wasn't right, and that it was not smart on her part.
after many tears shed, spilling her guts, and mascara dripping down her face, the only thing he had to say was "i cant believe you" he then procceded to get up, walk out of the apartment and drive off leaving her there with no ride.
hours went by and she patiently waited for him to come home,
she tried calling him,
over and over again,
she left him voice messages,
text messages,
anything.
and still he ignored her. eventually they started talking, but things were different and both understood that. so fast forward two weeks, when my friend and i are eating. she explains to me the rollercoaster of their relationship since then.
things were bad, at first,
she gave him a week, and things seemed to be just like normal.
and then he snapped. constantly calling her, arguing with her over nothing, accusing her of cheating, getting angry when she wouldnt pick up when he called, things to that effect. she explained to him that she was busy, for she was, her life had suddenly gotten busy, she had rehersals for her play every day, and after practice work until closing every night, as well as being one of two captains for the football cheerleading team they had been conducting try-outs, end of the semester had begun, family problems were errupting, her best friend was having family problems as well, and now her boyfriend was blowing up at her every minute they talked. it got to the point where she felt like everytime they talked it was to argue.
he never wanted to see her, she tried to see him, and when she did it was akward.
and so this relationship has gone, my friend is currently in a dilemma. she doesn't know how much more of this relationship she can take, she still believes that she is in love with him, and regrets kissing that boy every single day, but she thinks her own guilt should be enough of a consequence for her. considering she had been the perfect girlfriend for the past three months. when she came to me i wasnt sure what to tell her, i told her to do what makes her happy. and now we're coming to you. what do you think my friend should do? and do you think her boyfriend overreacted?
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I am not going to answer that last question, because I don't know how he feels about anything, so therefore it is not for me to judge.
What I can say though...
Tell her to think about why things happened the way they did, things can either end up bad or it could be a blessing in disguise.
They should make up a day and time, when they can meet up....not around others, alone. They should talk about what's happened so far through out the relationship, from day one.
Good parts of the relationship and the bad. Why speak about it, because if there was actually so much good that brought her to feel so much love for her, then maybe those good parts will show him why he should love her just as much.
They should tell each other the things that bother them about each other, and how things can be better. If they are able to be responsive to one another, then they will be able to allow things to get better.
One of two things will happen, they will either be able to allow things to break apart or to rekindle. It matters what they really want, not just what they feel.
Most deffiantly he's over-reacting. Though you have to think it's still gonna happen even a little bit. Your friend lost her trust with her bf and that is a very valuable thing to anyone! Now that we've established she understand's it's a problem, and he's allowed to kind of get weird and non-trusting, he does need to start trusting her again. A relationship is based on TRUST. If there is no trust lets face it theres no relationship. (example: you don't "trust" someone you just met with your darkest secret, so you're only slightly friends, and not best friends). I would personally talk to him, and i mean like face the conflict head on. This isn't going to just pass. And if he is negative the whole time or doesn't feel "it needs to be talked about" then she needs to leave him. I believe that your friend made a mistake but mistakes make lessons, and i don't think of your friend from ever returning to make the same mistake so lesson is learned. And i believe that if he doesn't come around in approximately a month or so AFTER the talk (i don't know how long it's been since this has happened) but don't let the relationship to drag out. She seems like a good girl that made a bad decision and i know of less deserving people getting better treatment, so even though it would be very difficult for your friend, i would suggest she leave him after trying her hardest to make sure the relationship is indeed unfixable.
I hope that helped even the slightest bit, maybe even giving you some ideas :). I seriously hope the best for your friend!
God Bless!!
*Chels*
...for the supportive and critical answers. we're going to see her boyfriend tomorrow morning, and as you all have suggested shes going to have a talk with him, just the two of them. and she said she'll go from there. thank you all again!
Well...Lets me start off that it took alot of courage for your friend to come to you. She is and has been going through alot in this point of her life. Not to mention her boyfriend! Life throws us curve balls...It take us knowing what to do with that ball after we catch it. My point is this...I think your friend in love or not she needs to reconcile with herself befor attempting any realationship. Herself esteem has left her post...So she needs to re-connect with that. The boyfriend is hurt..Of course who wouldn't be...Right? Let him be...Tell your girlfriend to break it off in a public setting...So she or he won't feel that uncomfortable. She has to be alone as he as well. And have her tell him that she is sorry once again and she needs to re-group herself...time alone from him or any other love affair. He will understand and if he doesn't than Oh well!! He'll get over it. It's her life not his. We as people need to look after our ownselves when the time is needed. To make it in life takes up and downs...You never know...She will be stronger and naturally she has learned something new about herself. It does not matter if it's good or bad...we all can learn more about ourselves...no matter what the circumstances are. You are a good friend....=0)
" Todays Crisis Is Tomorrows Joke "!