You know how when something scares the life out of you, you can literally feel the look of fear in your eyes? Well I know that fear very well and I have to live with it until I can get over the fact that no sane person that says they love me actually wants to hurt me.
I was with this guy for two years and I thought I was in love. Thinking about it now, it was more like I was told that I was in love. But I started to realize that love should not include fear. I should not have to be afraid of the person I supposedly loved and supposedly loved me back. But I was. I was doing anything I possibly could to keep my head above water just so I could be with this person. Not only did I feel like I was drowning in life but I had to deal with the fear of upsetting this person. I was walking on egg shells just so I didn't have to worry about getting hit or cussed out at. After two years I realized that this was not going in the right direction. It was going in a direction where I was about to find myself dead because of this "love."
Now everytime I feel a similar situation as to where I feel like I might have gotten hit by that person I feel the fear in my eyes. I know others can see it but for right now I can't stop that fear. Its not their fault that they scare me and its not mine that I feel scared. But I can help others prevent themselves from being placed in a situation where fear flashes in their eyes. Its not a good situation to be in but now that I have been put in the situation the least I can do is help.
Don't let the fear flash in your eyes...at the first sign of any abuse whether it be physical, verbal, or sexual-- get out. Unless you want to live your life with the fear flashing in your eyes.
Its good you got out when you did. Hopefully, some one will read this and decide to leave an abusive relationship. :)
Kudos to you for getting out of the relationship! Some can't even do that! Time heals all wounds! I was in a bad relationship as well... did anything to the point of self degradation to keep the person with me even though I knew that person was fooling around. Love makes you do crazy scary things! But like you I realized that love cannot include pain, fear, etc. I finally left the horrible situation and actually found myself in a lot more messy flings... until I put my foot down and took control. Now I'm with a person who proved to me love is for real. Don't give up!