One afternoon when I was maybe four or five years old, a middle aged man with dirty clothes and a big bushy beard knocked on our door. My mom was out hanging clothes on the line, so I answered. He was holding a bunch of pencils. He handed me a slip of paper that read, "Will you please buy a pencil? I am deaf and working hard to earn enough money to eat and pay for a place to sleep. Please help." I was deeply concerned about this poor old man, and tried to invite him into my house. He wouldn't come in, so I ran to get my mom. Now, I had been told a million times never to answer the door for someone I didn't know, so my mom was pissed! She came running to the door, which I had left open. The man saw her approaching angrily and hurried away. She read me the riot act for a good ten minutes, telling me never to answer the door again, that I can't help everyone in the world, and that the guy probably wasn't even deaf. I don't know whether he could hear or not, but what I now know is that even if he was deaf, he was not Deaf.
Deaf peddlers represent a shameful chapter of Deaf history and Deaf culture. They were often pimped out by hearing people and isolated from Deaf culture. Did you even know that there is such a thing as Deaf culture? I didn't either, until I met my partner, who is an American Sign Language interpreter. Through her, I have met many Deaf people and learned quite a bit about their rich culture and tortured history.
Now, a disclaimer. I am not Deaf. I am hearing. As such, it really is not my place to be teaching my readership about Deaf culture. Deaf people are perfectly capable of advocating for themselves, and my understanding of their culture is very surfacey and entirely as understood from a hearing perspective. For this reason, if there are any Deaf readers out there, PLEASE comment to correct any inaccuracies I may present here. My purpose in writing this is to help hearing people be less clueless, lost, and uncomfortable when they meet a Deaf person, and to give them some tools for communicating.
So what is the difference between a Deaf person and the "little d" deaf peddler in my opening story? Deaf people are not disabled. The peddler saw himself as incapable of doing anything else. He embraced the deficit model of deafness, which is that deafness is a serious disability. He did not stand up for himself and his rights as a perfectly able-bodied member of the American workforce. A person who refers to him/herself as "deaf," "deafened, or "hearing impaired" does not identify with Deaf culture. They are trapped between cultures; they don't fit into the dominant American culture with which they identify, but they do not embrace a Deaf identity either.
A "big D" Deaf person represents a person who recognizes and revels in the shared experience, history, and language of other Deaf people. This leads to a cultural premium on collectivism, which is quite a different value from American individualism. Communication and community are important to Deaf people. If they ask you "How are you?" they really expect you tell them. Likewise, if you ask them, expect an honest answer! According to a tip sheet from the National Technical Institute for the Deaf, "Having secrets or withholding information work against an interconnected collective." This makes a lot of sense when one considers that the vast majority of a Deaf person's time is spent among people who do not know their language, and who often don't consider it to be a language at all. The opportunity to communicate with those who "get it" is understandably valued.
A Deaf person does not see him/herself as having lost anything. Deafness is not a lack, a loss, or a handicap. Deaf people may communicate differently than a hearing person, but that does not make them incapable of doing anything a hearing person can do. Would we consider a person from another country who does not speak English disabled? Or would we consider him or her a person who uses a different language?
American Sign Language (ASL) is the language of American Deaf people. It is a visual language, but it is, in fact, a language. ASL is NOT English. It has grammatical and syntactic rules and dialects all its own. Follow this link to see a poignant graphic representation of this point. The painting featured on the site represents the symbolic nature of signing and makes the comparison to written English, drawing, and other symbolic means of communication.
Now, given that ASL is another language, how should a hearing person communicate with a Deaf person if said hearing person does not know ASL?
Interpreters are the easiest way of carrying on a conversation. They facilitate the conversation. This is frequently confusing to hearing people. We often have no idea how to use the interpreter. We'll say things to the interpreter like, "Tell her that I said..." and we'll talk to the interpreter rather than the Deaf person who is doing the talking. The interpreter's job is to accurately represent what is being said, so he or she WILL sign what you say. Put yourself in the shoes of the Deaf person and imagine you are talking to someone who continually looks away from you and never addresses you directly. How long would you want that conversation to go on? Always talk TO the Deaf person, not the interpreter. The Deaf person will have to look at the interpreter to receive information, but they will look at you when responding to you. Please extend them the same courtesy. Broken eye contact is a sign of indifference or dismissal to a Deaf person.
If you are without an interpreter, it is okay to write back and forth with a Deaf person. Try using gestures, facial expressions, and body language to make yourself understood, as well. Some Deaf people can read lips, but not all. Also keep in mind that reading lips is only about 30% accurate, even for a skilled lip reader. If you want to illustrate the difficulty of lip reading for yourself, have a friend mouth the words "Olive juice" and "I love you" and see if you can tell which they were saying.
Just try all that you can to facilitate communication. When these methods seem slow or cumbersome, be patient and remember that the dominant American culture has a very different approach to communication than the Deaf culture. It is not embarrassing or uncomfortable for them to spend a long time communicating, so don't rush or be dismissive when communication seems to be breaking down. Don't wave things off or say, "Nevermind." Keep trying and always ask for clarification, even if it takes several tries. You'll work together to find the right combination to get the meaning across. The average American's tolerance for pauses between exchanges is 2-3 seconds. The average Deaf person's tolerance is between 10 and 15 seconds. So don't sweat it.
I was four when I first encountered a deaf person. I'm not sure my interactions with them would have improved significantly, had I not gained some understanding of their culture. This is true of all kinds of intercultural exchanges. A little understanding goes a long way.
To learn more about Deaf culture, visit:
http://www.netac.rit.edu/publication/tipsheet/deafculture.html
http://www.nad.org/site/pp.asp?c=foINKQMBF&b=91587
And read Deaf Heritage
To read about the sad history of deaf peddling, check out:
Deaf Peddler: Confessions of an Inside Man
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Another thing to note is that to many, the Deaf may seem... nosy. When you first meet a Deaf person, they want to know your name, your relationship to Deaf culture, and so on. They'll also want to know why you were late to a meeting, or why you are leaving a conversation (something many hearing people aren't used to, since when you enter a room, you typically want to just take your seat and not be noticed).
Eye contact is a biggie too. Our teacher yells at us all the time for not keeping eye contact, but that's not how we were raised to carry on a conversation, so it's rather difficult to relearn.
~C
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It's that premium on shared information. Like I said, when they ask how you are, they REALLY want to know how you are!
Another thing is saying good bye. That can take an hour!
I am so bad at the eye contact thing, too. It's uncomfortable for me, but I understand the reason it's important. I do have to consciously remind myself to maintain eye contact, though, or I fall into my normal pattern of avoiding it at all costs (which is rude even by hearing standards)!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I've gotten to the point (thanks to interviews) where I can keep eye contact when I'm not talking, but my mind just goes nuts when I answer that I look absolutely everywhere in the room.
~C
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My two best friends know ASL and I used to volunteer with the Lions's Club when I was in school. The club works with blind and/or d(D)eaf folks. I grew up including such members of my community as a genuine part of it. The negativity of not looking into a deaf person's eyes is foreign to me. Do people really only look at the interpreter?
Just to add some more information, there should be awareness of the deaf people who have been isolated and developed their own sign language with their families and friends. I worked at a Mexican family restaurant for about a year and a deaf man worked there prepping food and washing dishes. He and the family taught me his sign language and I used body language when needed. We had a ball talking to each other on rainy days.
I guess my main point is the being compassionate to those we perceive as abnormal takes time. The time to overcome ignorance and learn a new language is well worth it though.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
Good point! That's called "home sign." Most of North America uses ASL, but much of Mexico has no sign language, so you're right, people develop their own sign.
And yes, people will often talk to the interpreter instead of the Deaf person, because in their minds, the interpreter is the one talking. It's a misunderstanding of the role of the interpreter and a discomfort with silence, I think.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
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Reading lips is very hard. I could never get the hang of it.
I like how you put in the note to use gestures and facial expression when writing- that is greatly helpful for a tone of a conversation and some just overlook that.
i have never been exposed to a deaf person in person before, but by reading what you guys wrote, i can see the world of "deaf culture", because I, too, am becoming deaf from ear infections. I know it's a little different but it still falls under the category of deaf.
k@y!n9
I know hard of hearing people who identify as "big D" Deaf. You don't have to be completely unable to hear. You just have to really identify with the Deaf community, and you have to be able to sign.
Have you considered learning to sign? It could make your life a lot easier if your hearing loss gets any worse. I'm learning to sign. The hardest part, for me, is remembering that ASL words and grammar do not match up word for word with English words. I can understand a lot, but I can't actually sign back very well. Even so, It really helps when my partner signs things in a crowded or noisy environment. And I can hear just fine.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Since I didn't grow up around Deaf people, I ended up wanting to learn ASL simply because of crowded or noisy areas.
My stepdad is something around 75-80% deaf (it's a little different in each ear), thanks to a number of different things. He can't sign, but he's fairly good at reading lips. He also has hearing aids to help, but like another commenter said, they make background noise about as loud as everything else. It doesn't stop him, though, he's very active in different clubs around the area.
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
My mom works with people who have disabilities. From a very young age she has beat me over the head with the fact that I should always say "Person who is deaf" not "deaf person" because their disability should not define them. Its not really that big of a deal to most people but it offends a lot of people with disabilities...they want to be recognized as a person first. The same goes for anyone who is blind, has a metal illness...or anything like that.
But I really enjoyed reading this. Ive been working on learning sign language for the past two years...its a work in progress though.
People who are Deaf usually don't see their deafness as a disability, and many see it as a major defining aspect of their culture..sometimes even ahead of ethnicity. That's basically the difference between a big D and a little d person. A gross oversimplification, to be sure, but in a nutshell...
Anyway, as a rule of thumb, "people first" language is a good idea, but it is up to the person to self-identify. I know many Deaf actors, Deaf poets, Deaf comedians who put Deaf first, on purpose. It is a source of pride and identity.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
My youngest brother is 65% deaf. When he was 2 he started going to a school that taught him to sign, which I thought was really cool because I got to learn right along with him. I am nowhere near fluent, since he started going to a normal school for kindergarten, but the basics we do know we use all the time in crowded places where it is hard to hear. He wears two hearing aids, which help, but when there is a lot of background noise, the stuff in the background is just as loud as the person standing next to him, so it's harder for him to block out the background noise. He is in high school now and does everything anyone else can do - he plays football, varsity basketball, and baseball and often wears hooded sweatshirts to hide his hearing aids.
The important thing to remember is that those who cannot hear aren't different than anyone else. Too many people equate deafness and blindness with some sort of diminished inteligence, which is complete bull shit (pardon my french, but I have seen how some who aren't open to differences treat my brother like he's some sort of idiot).
I am so glad you brought up the point about eye contact. It is always important to look at the person you are talkin to and talk TO them. Many deaf people are capable of reading lips to a fair extent and to help them enhance this ability, it is imperative they see your face when you talk. My brother has always been really good at lip reading when his hearing aids are off. Not only that, but when you are talking to someone, you should talk TO them. It's just flat out rude not to.
Great blog!
You bring up a good point about writing back and forth. I have several deaf cousins, one of whom lived with us for a while whilst we were growing up, and he always told us that he much preferred to have someone break out the paper and pen than to mime in order to get their point across. It just takes longer than it should and is incredibly frustrating, especially if you're crappy at miming.
Since Aloshua isn't able to communicate well verbally, we're working on teaching him sign language. He tends to take what we teach him and turn it into something that he can do, but it works for now. He's able to communicate with us far more than he would otherwise. Kaia on the otherhand, cracks us up. He is so overly dramatic. He has to move his entire body just to spell his name. It's hysterical to watch.
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~Fallon~
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't- A. France
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i have loved and hated the most important deaf person i know.
i realized that this is mostly because i am not deaf.
at the best of times, i didn't even have to speak to her. she understood more of me than i ever could. she tapped into my inner core of being and came back with a road map.
at the worst of times, i didn't even have to speak to her. she hated, she struck with out reason and compassion. she bit, punched, kicked, strangled, all because i wouldn't talk to her and she happened to be blacked out. she still doesn't even know the whole story. she never will. she cannot admit to herself that she had done wrong. at least the truth is in my head.
i hate you all. do not read my blogs. they are mine and mine alone. now please go on ignoring the rest of us in existence.
Yours truly,
.demosthenes
This was very nicely written, and you gave me something to think about. I had never thought about a 'disable culture' like your mention of Deaf culture. I am not diabled in any way, and cannot even begin to imagine the difficulties disable individuals face. It only serves to say that 'they' would gravitate into a group and a personal culture would be formed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the blog, but I just want to be sure that you understand a major point of it--Deaf people are not disabled. That is a deficit model of thinking. Rather than feeling bad about the fact that they don't have hearing, celebrate the beauty of their language, the strong bonds they have in their culture, AND the contributions they make to the world at large, without thinking that they've "overcome so much."
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
When I said disabled, I meant as in an individual dependant on a wheelchair, for instance. I have a friend who is deaf in one ear, and she is qualified as disabled, yet has no difficulty interacting with fully capable 'hearing' individuals. I cannot term being deaf as diabled as a result. I simply wanted to say that I imagined it to be difficult to be deaf. And I find the culture amazing.
Just wanted to clarify, as much for myself as for anyone who might read the comments. Thanks!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
As much as I hate to admit it, I can only remember one instance in recent history where I have interacted with a Deaf person. She and her three daughters came into my store and her daughter had to translate to her what I was saying because she could not read lips. I wish I could have/would have had a conversation with her myself. I am so embarrassed and ashamed because I kept watching them sign in awe; I think it is awesome. They probably think I was being rude and staring though. It really is interesting to watch. I hope I didn't give her the wrong impression...
Power to the people,
Brittany
I was very into ASL and the Deaf Community last year, I seriously debated if I wanted to be an interpretor or not but I decided against it. I really miss the Culture and actually being able to sign and hold a decent conversation. You pretty much nailed everything right on the head on this. This seriously makes me want to do ASL all over again or start to study again on my own so I can get back what I have lost.
All in All, the Deaf Community is a completely different world. They are all super nice, the best part I found is that when you introduce yourself, they normally pick up on how fast you sign and how fast you can personally interpret their sign, so they never go too fast or too slow. Deaf people can always stay right at your pace and they don't usually get mad if you are a little slow at catching on, as long as you explain that you are still learning ASL or if your Signing is a little rusty.
Great piece :)
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Shotgun of Enlightenment.
Get yours.
If you still have an interest, you should go into interpreting! It's hard work to get there, but it pays well, and there is ALWAYS a need for them.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
this is impressive. thanks for giving tips at the very end. and the eye contact doesn't just go for Deaf people, it goes for everyone. i learned at a leadership program at college that if you don't make eye contact with the person, you might be mistaken for shyness or unfriendliness. it's very important to make eye contact with ANYONE, whether it's just talking with someone or doing business for a job. especially for a job/career interview. employers want to see how friendly and dedicated you are. they won't look at you if you're shy or just making a fool of yourself. eyes matter!