The competition: A Mother's jealousy... A daughter's pity

It is said that competition in life can be healthy. It can drive you to better and be your best. What if your competition is somebody that you don't want to be competing against?

When I was in middle school, my biological mother decided that she was going to go back to school. She went to college and earned an Associates Degree in Psychology. She did great and I was very proud of her. For years I had been told that I would be the first in my family to earn a college degree in my family but when she earned hers and I knew I would only be the second I didn't care. I was so proud that I could have been the 50th and it wouldn't have mattered.

Just yesterday though, she found out that I was going straight for my Bachelors Degree in Elementary Education with a minor in Special Education and she wasn't happy. Not because she didn't approve of my major (which doesn't really fit her approval because it won't make me rich) but because it will get me a higher degree than she recieved. Her belief is that I'm going this route to top her. I tried to explain that I wouldn't be able to do much with just an Associates Degree but it didn't matter so I didn't bother. I only talk to the woman about once a month for the benefit of my brother who gets caught in the middle if I ignore her like I'd like to do.

It all falls back to when I was aout 4 years old. Seriously, my family has a psychic that they have gone to for years. My mother and grandmother have gone anyway. I have only met her at family funtions and such. There was a reading once, in this reading, my mother was told that she had one main purpose on this earth in this reincarnation and that purpose was to give me life and raise me. Having already giving birth to me at that point she felt that she had done her job and now I owed her. She was jealous of me because there must be something special about me for there to be such a big deal about her giving birth to me. The guides sent a message to her telling her that her sole purpose was my birth because I was to do something important so I better do something good and I better pay her back for her troubles.

She slowly became jealous of every aspect of my life. My age, opportunities, my knowledge, my innocence, my boyfriends, my education, my smarts, my abilities, my talents, my strengths, and anything else whether real or imagined. She would compete for people's attentions: my father (even after their divorce), my grandparents, my friends, my boyfriends, my teachers, my therapists, my doctors, and my employers even. She would try to outdress me (even wearing my clothes), copy or outdo my make up, she'd ridicule everything I did (convincing me I did nothing right until my self esteem was non existant) so that she would feel superior), and even spread lies to ruin my reputation until I left. I didn;t just leave home at 18, I left the whole state of Connecticut (I now live in Indiana). For a few years now these jealousies and competitions seemed to have died away but apparently they were just below the surface and I had just not paid her enough attention to notice their existance. I no longer get angry about it though. I feel this strange pity and sadness only. I see her as broken and beyond repair and that the only thing that I can do for her is offer pity.

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