It was a Sunday morning. The sun was shining and there was a breeze in the air. The Master Chief and I had decided on meeting at a local Black Angus. While we had planned to meet at nine it was about a quarter to eleven. I was sitting patiently at my table awaiting his arrival, I ordered some coffee and prayed I had specified which Black Angus to meet yet I could not shake the feeling I had been stood up. As I was about to stand up and pull out my chair
“… killing alien zealots bent on mass suicide is my thing, ya know, It’s my therapy…”
I saw him. As he came in the restraint light flickered off of his green titanium armor. His heavy footsteps seemed to buckle the floor. There were bullet holes across his chest plate and many scratches from close encounter fights or a “Beat-Down”, the battle hardened chief wore all of his scars on the outside. He commanded respect with his sheer magnitude of his presence. As he approached the table I quaked with fear, my mouth hung open and as he came toward me the thought of running off scared had briefly crossed my mind. But even before he spoke, despite my fear I was also joyful being in the presence of such a hero. I knew that whatever the first words he would say to me would be influential words, words that I would remember on my death bed. What he said was “This is Spartan 117… can I take a seat?” As the master chief sat down the wooden chair under him could not support the sheer weight of his half ton armor. A loud thud erupted inside the Black Angus and a small crater appeared where his chair once was. “Oh jezz” the Master Chief said with complete sincerity, “I’ll pay for that later”. As I began to start up the conversation, the Chief said “I’m sorry I was late, I left my condo around nine but got stuck in traffic”. “That’s odd” I said “I didn’t think there was any traffic on a Sunday?” “Well first off a scorpion tank takes up at least two lanes”. “Why didn’t you take a warthog then?” I pondered allowed to the Chief. “It’s in the shop, me and Cortana got in a spat the other day and she cut my brake lines”. My facial expression was of visible concern. “Oh don’t worry, I only died twice”. Master Chief then stood up straight, by this time the staff of Black Angus, not wanting to turn away any business because of a chair buckling under a half a ton man had melded every booster seat in the restaurant together to form what somewhat resembled an armchair. “Excuse Me” the chief then turned his head slightly and I thought I heard what seemed to be a woman… inside of his helmet. “Yes I know I deserved it… you’re right, I could not have possibly made it through all three of the games without you.” The chief then made a slightly odd motion with his helmet; I assumed this was the Master Chiefs version of a ‘wink’. “How is your relationship with Cortana Chief?” There was a long pause, Master Chief reached for the back of his helmet and pulled out a thin diskette, that he placed in the middle of the table. “We have a complex
“… say what you want about (gears of war), at least they don’t jump around like idiots …”
relationship, she is like my guide and my critic, still, I know she cares for me more than she lets on.” “I see, it sounds like you to have something very… unique”. “(laughs) I guess we do, she is very controlling, always telling me things like which vehicle to use, or how I should kill the enemy, you know the little things.” “So Chief now I am going to tell you a series of words and I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.” The Chief nodded his head. “Alright then let’s get started”
“Warthog”, “double kill”
“Scorpion Tank”, “running riot”
“Blue”, Cortana
“The Rolling Stones”, “magazine or the band?
“Both”, awful magazine too busy to listen to music
“Marcus Fenix”, “Idiot”
“Master Chief” , “Awesome”
“Grunt”, Dead”
“Elite”, “Dead”
“Brute”, “Dead”
“Flood”, “Scary, then dead”
We both shared a good laugh as I read of Master Chief’s answers aloud. “Oh, I was just kidding about that pot shot toward Marcus Fenix”. I saw an opening to ask one of my personal questions to Master Chief and I took it. “Speaking of which there are rumors going around about a rivalry concerning you two is there any truth to that?” “Let me set everyone straight and say that, me and Marcus are not enemies.” I raised my eyebrows doubting the sincerity of this statement. “we are rivals, but were also share a lot of interests and common ground”. “If there was anything you could change the game you star in what would it be?”. Without hesitation the Master Chief responded “jumping”. “Jumping?” “Yes jumping, there many other things I would change ;like personally killing every twelve- year old that plays Halo online, or finding the guy who took out the assault rifle from Halo 1 and didn’t move it over to Halo 2, but what really gets me furious is are jumping ability, say what you want about (gears of war), at least they don’t jump around like idiots to kill people, you know that’s fine if you’re playing Mario or some kiddy game like that but don’t put that mess in a game where realism is key”. I gave Master Chief a minute to cool off because at this point he was shouting. Very carefully and cautiously I followed up with “Chief you do realize that jumping is a major component in the game? Also it seems that realism is not that big of concern, after all you do realize that most of the enemies you kill are eight feet tall aliens, one looks like a cross between a squid, a lizard and a human while the other main enemy looks basically like Chewbacca from the star wars films”. The Master Chief abruptly got up from his seat made of melded booster seats and left he proceeded to make his way to restroom, obviously fuming from the questions I had raised. “You’ll have to forgive him he gets emotional often” Who was that woman? I thought to myself, needless to say I was a little startled hearing a voice from seemingly nowhere. “Don’t look so shocked, now look down” I did “Now look to the right, no my right” I still could not figure out where this voice was coming from and I picked up on the slight annoyance in her voice. I felt like a fool it was then I had realized that the master Chief, either deliberate or subconsciously did not put Cortana back inside of his helmet and she was now speaking to me.
“…(Cortana and I) have a complex relationship, (Cortana) is like my guide and my critic, still, I know she cares for me more than she lets on…”
“John is a sensitive guy”. “John?” “Yes John, didn’t you do your research? That’s his name.” ‘John’ came back from the bathroom, I apologized. “Let’s just get on with a new topic”, “Alright then” I said. The Chief placed Cortana back inside of his helmet and again turned his head slightly “I’m fine…. no really I’m ok now…. you’re right, as usual….I love you too.”. He turned his head to me once again and I asked him “One last Question Master Chief, you have without a doubt one of the most stressful jobs in the world, how do you relax?” The Master Chief laughed “Do you know why I chose to do what I do? It’s because killing alien zealots bent on mass suicide is my thing, ya know, it’s my therapy” I nodded “I think that I make a difference in the world, one I have saved everyone’s life on earth at least three different times, secondly, I like to think I help the covenant convert to a different religion…Death…and I do that with a gun.” The Chief got up from his seat and asked me I f I could get the check, and since neither of us had eaten anything during the course of the conversation the check would be formulated out of the many damages made by the Chief. “Sorry I have to cut this short, my Warthog is out of the shop and Cortana says I have to pick it up right now” I think this conversation was worth the price of any check, right? All in all I was very satisfied with the interview, and as I saw him walk away I thought to myself.... I can’t believe he stuck me the bill. By Alex Fonseca
