There has been a precipitous drop off in the amount of road rage directed at me and my partner lately. Six months ago, we experienced frequent tailgating, cutting off, and flipping off. I always thought this was weird, because it never happens when we take my car, but no matter which of us was driving, it was a common occurrence in her car. I thought it might be anti-import sentiment, as I drive a Saturn and she drives a Honda. She didn't think much of it, because it had been happening regularly since she moved North.
The aggressors are usually male. I don't know why, and I don't know their motivation, but I think every single road rager we've encountered has been a "dude." We've been intentionally trapped alongside a semi for miles on the highway. We've been followed ten blocks with just an inch or two between bumpers. One guy did this down residential streets, then passed us at 50 miles an hour, screaming something we couldn't understand. My favorite is when someone does this on the highway, then cuts us off and slams on their brakes.
But now it has stopped. There has not been a single incident of aggression directed against us in six months. Did our driving habits change? We were never driving under the speed limit. We obey traffic laws. We are courteous to other drivers when merging. We know and obey the rules for a four-way stop. None of that has changed over the past six months. So what gives? What has changed? Think...think...think...
Oh! Six months ago, my partner left her car in neutral and it rolled backward into a pole. The bumper had to be replaced. The bumper with the rainbow sticker on it. This is the first time her car has been without a rainbow sticker since she moved North for college. Coincidence? You be the judge.
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Holy crap! How can people be so moronic?! Not only are they endangering lives with their reckless driving, they have completely overblown reactions to a sticker. Sure, that sticker may be the widely known symbol for being gay, but does that mean you have to be an idiot about it?
I hate bad drivers. People make me nervous when they follow too close to my car, so I can hardly imagine how bad it was for you.
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
[sorry, I always forget I don't need to 'reply' to make a new comment]
It may be the sticker but I am not for sure. Since it has stopped then maybe it was the sticker. Why don't you experiment. Drive around without the sticker for about 2 weeks or so. see what happens. Then put a sticker back on and see what happens. It may really not even be the sticker. But I think this experiment might help.
But we have cars here that were made with no turn signals. I can not control myself from flicking stupid people off who do not know how to drive. I know how to drive just not legally.When I get my license I will never drive on the highway. Semi-trucks have tried to push our car off the road and run over other cars.
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
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I'd hate to say it but that would be pretty dangerous. I mean, look at how those guys acted before! Someone could get in an accident.
Although the experiment would be interesting, if ediblewoman were to try it out.
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
Now that my partner is interpreting professionally, and her employment depends on people liking her, she is thinking a rainbow sticker might not be the best marketing strategy, which is sad, because really, how does a rainbow sticker affect her skill level or her professionalism? It doesn't. But in the real world, one has to be very careful about "coming out" to the wrong person. For most people, it is nothing to mention that they have to leave immediately after work to get home for dinner with the wife, but for her, it could be career (or at least client relationship) ending.
I face a similar situation as a future teacher. So, no, we won't be conducting the experiment.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
The temptation to embrace invisibility...
...can be profoundly difficult to overcome. It is a statistical fact that gay people are subject to a very high level of bias-motivated crime. As such, having a rainbow sticker on your car certainly increases the opportunity for those who would target you because of who you are to notice you, and increases the chance that you and your parnter might find yourselves the victim of this kind of bigotry.
But, the question I have to ask you is this: Which is worse? A) To expose yourself to the possiblity that some hate-monger might harass, discriminate against, or even attack you, or B) To intentionally chose to embrace the invisibility that is the true goal of these bigots, and to accept the second-class status which that choice implicitly implies?
Now, you MIGHT assume that the only answer that I would respect would be B. But, that's not necessarily true. We are all individuals, and we all have the right to have our private lives remain private. You have absolutely no obligation, and I have absolutely no right to expect you to take any risk at all for my or anyone else's benefit. And, living an aggressively "OUT" life is certainly a risky proposition. You have to make the choice that is right for you and your family, first and foremost.
But, you do need to ask yourself and your partner a few frank and honest questions. Can you and your partner really be happy in your lives together if you have to hide who you are from the people around you? Are you willing to quitely accept the idea that gay people who live their lives in the open can be harassed or attacked without any real consequence for the attackers? Are you willing to tolerate a professional life that requires you to passively lie about your identity, simply in order to acheive economic success?
Putting that rainbow sticker on the back of your car (or not) may seem like a little thing, and in the grand scheme of things it probably is. But, think for a moment about what your decision really means to you. Again, I am not judging you, or even your decision. Living a completely OUT life is a risk, and sometimes that risk is just too great. Not everone is in a position to take that risk. Not everyone is prepared to fact the potential consequences of that risk. And, not everyone is willing to put the people that they love at risk just to make a philosophical or political point. And, that's okay.
I have always been something of a malcontent. I thrive on risk, and am willing to put myself "in the line of fire" in the fight for civil rights. But, the civil rights that I am fighting for include the right just be left the hell alone to live your life in peace. Your have a right to make your own choices and to live your own life. No one else has any claim whatsoever on your own life, on your own liberty, or on your personal path to pursue your own happiness.
But, consider this...if you don't choose option A, who will?
TTFN,
Blackout
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Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.
I hear you, Blackout. You addressed an internal struggle I'm having right now, actually. I've lived a completely out life up until now, and the idea of going into the workforce as a completely out elementary school teacher is terrifying. I am putting decisions like bumper stickers on hold until I secure a job. I like to think that I will get a position in a liberal Minneapolis school with a very accepting climate and a supportive administration, but with budget cuts, I just might end up in a suburb, which is less appealing, as addressed in "Edugaytion."
Your question about my choice of profession is a tough one, because even though I know there is potential that my chosen profession could force me back into a professional closet, I DO in fact want to teach. I think I have a combination of intellect, disposition, creativity, and interest that will be a definite asset to my students, and that NOT teaching would be a waste of my gifts. So what is more important?
My hope is that once I am settled in a job and have secured tenure, I can start being more myself in the classroom. I don't plan on keeping my partner a secret from my coworkers, but as far as students and families, it is a risky thing to reveal. I plan to attempt an anti-bias curriculum without revealing my personal life.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
...I don't recall if I've ever talked about this here at ProU before, but I originally went to school to be a teacher. I ever worked for a while as a middle-school English teacher back in the early nineties. There is no job that I could imagine being more fulfilling that teaching poetry to young minds (and satisfying my insane love for diagramming sentences). Unfortunately, I was faced with exactly the same problem...should I be open about who I am, and risk being fired (a very probable outcome at the time), or should I do something else? Ultimately, I decided that it was better for me to choose a job that allowed me the freedom to be who I was, on my own terms and completely out in the open, even if it meant that I didn't get to be a teacher. I've never regretted that decision, though I do sometimes regret the lost opportunity to do something that I really loved.
This is why discrimination SUCKS!
Blackout
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Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.
"But, consider this...if you don't choose option A, who will? "
An important consideration in this particular case, however, is whether 'living out' on the bumper sticker of one's car is as important as surviving a trip in one's car. As someone personally acquainted with ediblewoman, I can say with great confidence that the positive effect she consistently has on the world around her is great enough, without the bumper sticker, to justify very mild compromises to ensure she lives to see another day.
...because like her, I have been in the same situation before. But, I also don't think that when it comes to fighting for one's basic civil rights, there is such a thing as a "mild compromise." The choice is individual, but you either demand equal treatment, our you accept unequal treatment...period.
TTFN,
Blackout
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Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.
"But, I also don't think that when it comes to fighting for one's basic civil rights, there is such a thing as a "mild compromise.""
Yet people who have historically had success fighting for civil rights have thought -- and acted -- like there IS such a thing as mild compromises. Successful activists pick their battles. It doesn't have to be a constant state of sending the troops armed with sticks into the machine gun fire. If you are putting yourself at risk, it's should be for something that will advance your cause. If ediblewoman is hurt or killed due to a mishap associated with aggressive driving against her, I'm skeptical that her martyrdom will advance gay civil rights nearly enough to compensate for the loss of her future years of contributions.
Go ahead, if you must, and encourage her to view this as a matter of holding to her ideals or abandoning them, but I'm not convinced you'd be advancing the cause of the side you think you are.
To quote two of the most successful activist in recent history...
"All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take." ~ Mohandas Ghandi
"I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live." ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
From her responses, I think ediblewoman understands my position, though I'm pretty sure that you do not, focused as they are on only one-half of my original comment. She is faced with an honest delima, and seems to be trying to make the best choice for herself and her family (which I applaud). But, because she has presented herself as someone who cares about MORE than just herself and her family, I was simply serving as the gadfly by framing the question of that decision in the context of the principles that I have gleaned from reading her blogs.
TTFN,
Blackout
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Yes, I've changed my username from "percivale" to "Blackout." Go here if you want to know why.
I appreciate that and your concern for my physical safety. I'm on the fence with this one. I think Blackout is absolutely right...there's no such thing as partial equality. If you are compromising something that other people have, in this case, visibility, it does not help you or your group to achieve equality. But I don't know if I'm that brave when it comes to my profession. A little assy driving I can handle (so long as no one kills me with it). Having to park my car six locks from the school, I can't. I don't know where I stand on this yet.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I guess some people just need something to get pissed about, regardless of how illogical it is. What I think is interesting is that all of the offenders were men. Does that mean that women are more accepting or that they just don't take part in road rage?
Men are dumb this is why. lol just kidding. I think alot more men get mad easier than women do. I think that this is why road rage from men is more common. Still I believe it is stupid to do these things just because of a sticker. What can I say people are ignorant and there is plenty of ignorance to go around!
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
Ohhhh no, women take part in road rage for sure. Trust me, I've seen quite a few members of my family and friends (both over and under the age of 21) drive aggressively... But it is less frequent than my father/ex-boyfriend (who is 20), and the females tend to yell more than drive erratically.
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http://progressiveu.org/175726-i-cant-be-only-one-concerned-lack-proper-...
(Latest blog. )
We just haven't had any experiences with women running us off the road.
Erm, also...when you type "father/boyfriend," it looks a little like your father IS your boyfriend. Ew!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Just to test your theory about the power of bumper stickers, you should get one that says, "Kill a Cop Today" and see how that works out for you.
Was that comment necessary? Who would put a sticker on their car that advocates the killing of another group of people? And what about any of my blogs (and I venture to guess you've read about 90% of them) would lead you to believe I would put anything so violent on my car? A rainbow sticker is far from violent sentiment. THAT statement is begging for a response from law enforcement. Rainbow stickers don't threaten anyone.
What exactly WAS your point? 'Cause it sure wasn't progressive.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
This is horrible. I mean, I can see running someone off the road for sporting a Human Rights Coalition bumper sticker, but not over a simple rainbow.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Haha, funny thing, I saw the title to this blog and knew it was you! lol
[Krst]
Am I that predictable? Have I become the Gay Blogger (complete with rainbow cape and super hot sidekick)?
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I just might get me a rainbow sticker. Imagine some road jerk being themself just to see me, my kids and myhubby step out... It may be a little dangerous for a while but then safer for everybody.
~T
All truths are easy to understand once discovered; The point is to discover them ~Galileo