It's really aggravating when someone just sits there, clearly irritated, and says nothing about it. Maybe that happens a lot in the real world, but here at the HG, I'm so used to processing my damn feelings that if someone is clearly hiding something, it bothers me.
That happened a lot today. Maybe I'm just getting antsy about leaving, so little things are upsetting me. If you're acting bipolar, please take some medication for it. It's quite disconcerting. And Aimee is leaving tomorrow. This breaks my heart, honestly. I was so sad at dinner tonight that it hurt to keep smiling and nodding.
Hmmm. Maybe I'm guilty of the not-processing feelings thing as well.
A new girl is coming tomorrow and apparently I'M the lucky one who gets to live with her! Her name is Brooke. BROOKE?? How the hell can I make a fun combination of my name with hers? Aimee and I have Aimangie, and if Barb's feeling like a joiner, the three of us are Baimangie. What could Brooke and I be?
Bangie?
A-rooke?
This is not going to turn out well.
Today Aimee and I REALLY wanted to take Nicola out, so we asked Laurie if it would be okay for "therapeutic reasons". She surprisingly said yes, so we were off! To Borders. Why?
Seattle's Best Coffee, baby. But we had to stop at Target first (ALERT: THEY HAVE BRAS FOR $3.24!!! GRAB YOURS NOW!) and when we got there I realized I'd forgotten to pack my snack. And that's how I wound up buying a FAMILY SIZE BAG of pretzels so I could get my stupid fucking serving of 40 of them for my starch. Aimee suggested I keep the rest in my car in case a snack-forgetting incident happens again, but I didn't think that was the best idea. So into the trash they went.
Today, during our post-breakfast ATTITUDE FOR GRATITUDE!, all of us said very touching things of what we are grateful for:
"Another day in recovery"
"My family"
"Everyone at the house"
etc. etc.
When it got to Abby (aka Finger Sucker)'s turn, what did she express her gratefulness for?
"Indoor plumbing."
Everyone else: "....."
Um....WHAT?? But I guess if you're notorious for taking 20 minute shits every day at 4:45 am (no, I am not making this up), you WOULD be grateful for indoor plumbing. She's a very disturbing young lady. Tonight during weekend activity planning (which thank GOD I don't have to go to due to the awesomeness of transition), Aimee and I were in our room and we could hear her spouting activity ideas she had researched on the internet that cost $15 (HG's activity limit) or less.
"We could go to this museum...
...ooh! A harbor cruise!...
...oh, an expo at Balboa Park..."
Barb came up to our room because she couldn't handle it. I asked Barb if Abby had made a power point presentation of her ideas. Barb said she surprisingly did not.
During treatment team meeting today, Maira said "We think you're doing great, Ang. Especially with the body image stuff! Every time you come in here you have another positive thing to say."
Huh. I suppose it seems that way. And hey, maybe I have made progress. Who knows? But that still doesn't mean I ACCEPT AND CELEBRATE THE IMPERFECTIONS OF MY BODY! (Fist pump).
My mom called me today while we were at Target.
Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Oh, ANGIE! HI!! This is MOM!!"
I swear to God, no one has EVER been so happy to talk to me in my life.
Mom: "I don't know why I'm so surprised you answered, but WOW! It's great to talk to you! How are things?"
I felt SO good after talking to her. I think her motive behind calling me was to ask if I got my CA driver's license yet (well, no. Though I didn't receive an amusing text from my mom yesterday threatening 'If you don't have your license by Saturday, Dad's taking away the car!!' Hahahaha! Yeah, okay), but still, it felt really nice that she wanted to talk to me.
She obviously hasn't seen the credit card bill yet.
Amelia had this picture today of us before we went out to eat last week. And, I don't mean to sound cocky or anything, but DAMN!
I looked GOOD.
I saw it and was like "Oh, my gosh!! I don't look horrendous!" This was such a momentous occasion that I was all ready to frame this bitch and display it FO EVAH! when Aimee snatched it away from me and claimed it as her own because she's leaving tomorrow. Oh, well. I'll have Amelia make me a copy. There is NO WAY I'm letting this baby get away.
Speaking of Amelia, the fellow Wisconsinite and I have made plans that after we both get out (which could be the very same day...YAY MARCH 1!!), we're going to do challenge meals together at least once a week. Because I KNOW for a fact I won't due them on my own. My snacks, my meal plan, even my exercise...all that, I'm pretty okay with. But dessert nights and challenge meals?? Those are definitely not solo activities.
I was talking with Nicola and Aimee today and said "Yeah, I was gonna be here for 30 days." 42 days later and I'm STILL here! Hah. Funny how things work out. However, Nicola and I both decided that coming here was one of the BEST decisions we've ever made. For me, it was definitely the smartest thing I have ever done. Oh, HG, how you have changed my life.
All this positive thinking has put me into a pit of exhaustion. And I have a feeling I'll be crying into my cereal tomorrow morning as it's my *SOB* last HG meal with the one and only Aimee.
Good night.
