I was a virgin for 20 years which is a pretty big accomplishment. I don't think I'll ever regret my first time in terms of when, where, or who with. I don't think I even regret that we didn't use a condom because afterwards it was scary. It made us become responsible, deal with it, and come together because if something happened, it would affect both of us greatly. I felt comfort in the fact that he was as freaked out as I was; I knew that we would never have a disagreement about whether or not he needed to wear a condom.
Wrong.
I honestly started having nightmares about what life would be like if I got pregnant. I calmed him down after our first scare because it really doesn't do any good, what's done is done. Maybe I calmed him down too much because he doesn't want to wear one! Maybe because he doesn't fully understand what our lives would be like if I got pregnant.
I'm pro-choice, but I know I'd never be abe to have an abortion or give up my child for adoption, so here's how it would go. His family would be disappointed; his friends would feel bad for him; he would have to pay child support (which isn't anything compared to what it actually takes to take care of a baby); and he would choose to be in the child's life or not. Me? I know what happens to girls in my family who get pregnant. No one hides their disapproval, no one hides their disdain. There's no support there. I would end up having to drop out of school and know that I needed to be at my dead end job for a long time before I could ever hope of getting something better, probably have to work at Hooters on the weekends to pay for diapers. My body would be virtually ruined. I most likely wouldn't be able to have another real relationship until I'm in my 40's with a divorced man. All because of this I would resent my child, my baby, who I'm supposed to love more than anything in the world. That would put me and the kid in therapy.
So no, birth control pills aren't enough. No, it wouldn't be okay if something happened. No, you don't know how I feel. Whatever people say, when one person gets pregnant, the couple isn't "in it together".
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"Whatever people say, when one person gets pregnant, the couple isn't "in it together"."
I think that's an incredibly unfair generalization.
I know plenty of "stand-up" dads who supported their girlfriend's pregnancy the whole way through, and still act as dad and father to their kids, even if they aren't with the girlfriend anymore.
Not all guys are pitiful cowards.
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What's the worst that could happen, apart from all of us being flattened or fried or whatever bombs do? [Rudy Steiner from The Book Thief]
http://progressiveu.org/143541-how-to-survive-the-2008-elections
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Nicholas Aden
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Other methods of birth control?
Condoms are one of many, but they are the only one that the male controlls.
http://www.4women.gov/FAQ/birthcont.htm
Condoms are only vastly better than any of the other methods at preventing STDs if you or your partner are also active with others. They are not nearly as reliable as a Depo shot for preventing pregnancy.
There are couples that are "in it together." I know some. Careful about generalizations.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/jloigman