Socially Handicapped

I am shy. There-I said it. I have been shy for as long as I can remember. I have few friends that stick around with me, because they are alittle shy too. When I hang out with my friends, I am not quiet at all. I am outgoing and funny. Someone who I would like to be all the time. So, why am I shy around everyone else?
I have known everyone at my school since pre-k or at least for the past seven years. Shouldn't I feel comfortable enough to be myself? No, I'm not. In fact, it took me years to come out of my comfort zone. I went around school being all sad looking, because for one, I hated my school or just school in general. Another reason was that I felt like everyone judged me. Since I had known everyone for so long, I felt like I could never change. If I did change they would think that I was a poser or something. So, I never rose my hand to talk in class just in case I got the answer wrong. Then one year I decided not to care what anyone thought about me and just be happy. It kind of worked. It was still hard to talk to some people, but at least I was louder. I was also able to overcome some of my fear of public speaking.
As stupid as it sounds, I usually plan how I'm going to say things in my head before I speak. I usually miss the punchline, because I choke up and don't say anything or it comes out wrong.
Yesterday this guy at work told me that shyness was cute. Cute? Not really. It's more of a burden. When you're trying to talk to someone who's shy, you basically only have a one sided conversation. I have experienced both sides. I used to like this guy who was more quiet than me. Whenever we hung out, I'd have to come up with a hundered topics to talk about, because I knew that even a hundred topics wouldn't last long.
Maybe I'm more shy, because being the youngest and practically only child in my family, I don't feel the need to speak all the time. My brother is eleven years older than me, so I've grown up by myself. All I know is that I hate being shy. I feel a sense of rejection sometimes. People generally don't talk to me, because I don't talk to them. I don't take critisim well, because I can't defend myself. That's a negative. The positive is that when I do feel extroverted, I get along with anyone, which pays off at work. Also, I'm a good listener. I can listen to other people's problems and be able to understand and help them. Although it might not seem like it in these blogs, I am a much better writer than speaker.
Maybe one day, I'll become that person that I want to be. Until then, I'll embrace my personality.