Its been a while since I practiced my instrument. I had a great routine going, 3-4 hours a day of glorious, saxophone-filled solitary confinement. A good session made me feel as though I could tackle any obstacle, reach any goal, climb any mountain. A bad session left me cranky, easily irritated, and (sometimes) downright rude to my family members. I felt as though I was in control of the instrument of the instrument for change, the saxophone was there to be at my beck and call. It was there to fulfill my every need.
And the hard work payed off. Grad school auditions went so well that I was accepted everywhere I applied. I was in shock. As a reward I decided to give myself some time off from the daily grind. One week off, I told myself. I was burnt out from the intense practice routine and stressed out from the importance of auditions. And I was bored of my music. I just needed a short break. That was on March 14.
Over a month later I haven't restarted the routine. I've only played my saxophone once in the past 39 days. Why am I having such a hard time getting back to work? Could it be the gorgeous weather and the impending summer season? Nah, I love practicing in the summer so I can open the windows and cut the noise of lawn mowers, screaming children, and barking dogs with the beauty of Desenclos. Maybe its because my grandparents were here visiting. But they were only here for 4 days.
I'm chalking it up to lack of creativity. I need some inspiration. I need something to make me fall in love with the saxophone and music all over again. Its so hard to keep that constant drive to create, to continually put your soul on exhibit. There is a natural ebb and flow of creativity, one that I haven't quite figured out how to surf.
And I feel as though my progressive thought has a similar tidal pattern. I haven't written a new entry in 20 days. Its not like there hasn't been plenty of fodder for some really innovative blogs. There was just nothing that quite hit home the way I needed it to. Even though I have plenty of amazing recordings, some new music to work on, and even the looming placement auditions for grad school to motivate me, I still haven't been able to get back to making my music. How wonderfully ironic that a lack of creativity in one area of my life could inspire creativity in another. Now if only I could find the spark to light my musically creative fire again...
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Cool story. I'm a clarinet player myself, and when I did get around to practicing I could be pretty good. However, I have this issue where I can't practice or play in front of people. In band I'm okay, but outside of there I just can't practice unless nobody else is in the house.
I relate your ebb and flow of creativity with music to my ebb and flow of creativity with writing. Sometimes, I can devote a bit of time everyday to writing and I get stuff down. But then something will occur and I'll get busy with something else, and it'll be a month or more before I start seriously writing again.
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
Maybe you just needed a longer break than you thought? Sometimes we just need to put something down for a while and then pick it up again just to find that the little break made us better than ever.....
I just worry about taking too long of a break from practicing. I'm heading off to grad school this fall for saxophone performance and I'm planning on performing becoming part of my career. Its hard to say that and take month (or longer) breaks from it.
Maybe you just need to find some different music to practice. You could be just sick of the same ol' sheet music all the time.
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This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think