My best friend is getting married. Again. Actually, she is already married, but was married in the courthouse. Now, she wants to have a 'real' wedding. She wants to be a bride, white veil and all. It's driving me nuts. She's driving me nuts. Some might read this and come to the conclusion that I am merely jealous. Some might think that I am bitter. But I neither jealous or bitter. What I am is tired of hearing the same thing day after day about her 'love of a lifetime.' She loves her husband. I get it already.
We used to have so much to talk about. We used to do things together, hang out. She has been in relationships and I have been in relationships. We talked about them, of course, but they were a small part of our relationship together. I don't know what happened to her. She has made her husband her entire world. She has three kids, one from her first marriage and two with her current husband. Even these kids come second to this man of hers. It's all she talks about, and frankly, I am tired of hearing about it. Is this wrong of me? I should be happy that she is so happy, right? I am, to an extent. But, my happiness will only go so far. When your happiness is starting to severly restrict my sanity, that's when I have to say enough is enough.
This wedding is in September. I, of course, have been chosen to be the maid of honor. But I have to wonder if I am going to make it that long. I feel myself slipping away from her already. Her husband is in Iraq at present (though he is currently home on leave) and she is staying in another state while he is over there. I haven't heard from her other than the paragraph long email to tell me how much in love she is and how great her husband is since he has been home. My reply emails have been getting shorter and shorter, even a bit sarcastic. She hasn't picked up on it yet. Is there something inherently wrong with me that I don't want to hear about this love to end all other loves over and over again?
Should I tell her that I am tired of hearing about it? Should I tell her that I think that she is making a big mistake by making this man her entire world? Should I tell her that she is completely boring to me now? We don't have anything in common any more. She is slowly becoming the type of woman I can barely tolerate. Materialistic (she got two engagement rings because the one he bought for her wasn't the one she wanted and she got two wedding bands, for reasons unclear to me), subserviant, and not a very good mother. She's the stay at home mother who is always on and on about how rough her life is, how difficult it is for her to take care of two kids (the oldest lives with his father), but she does her own thing all day long and plops the kids in front of the tv while she sits online for hours perusing sites for the wedding and reception. Her 'job' isn't that tough. I've seen her in action, or inaction, rather. I am of the opinion that if you are going to be a stay at home mother and make that your career, then you had better be engaging those kids in activities that are going to make them better little humans. They stay inside the entire day, with hardly any real attention from her.
I guess I have some decisions to make. I suppose that I should figure out if I will be able to tolerate her in the coming years. What if she just gets worse? That is exactly what I am predicting. I don't expect to be the central figure in her life like I once was. I understand that when we grow up and become older adults our priorities change. I too want to become a wife with a family one day, but she is taking it back to the dark ages. I can't imagine ever being the type of wife that she is, the one where she has no outside interests other than her husband. I don't get it. I just have to figure out if I am willing to risk the friendship by telling her to shut up about her relationship and by telling her that she has become completely boring to me.
My best friends have all gotten married within in the past year. That's three people, three girls who I grew up with and shared all my secrets with, are pretty much non-existant to me any more. I don't think you should tell her bluntly that you guys aren't much of friends anymore, but rather just try to distance yourself from her, and encourage her to take care of her kids and do her obligations first. I don't understand how hard it is to plan a wedding because, I'm engaged, and have been for over a year, and don't plan on getting married for another two years or so. I planned my wedding in a month. I don't understand why some girls are so into a "perfect" wedding. It's one day. Why make yourself and others miserable for months if it's just ONE day? It doesn't make sense to me. I'd much rather have my friends still than have a perfect wedding. I only wish they would have sacrificed the same.
I thought that maybe I was the only girl on the planet who felt that way about weddings. What you said is exactly how I feel about weddings- it's one day. She just wants to be a bride. She already was a bride, at her first marriage. I agree. I suggested that she take all the money she is going to spend on this boring wedding and take a trip with her husband or use it to put towards a new house, something that the whole family can enjoy. I tried telling her that she is really the only one who cares about the wedding. And maybe her mother...I certainly don't. I would much rather be able to wear jeans and a t shirt at a kegger or something than have to wear a gown and act all phoney for the evening.