Russian Math: Stalin - Facial Hair = Putin

Well, it's good to know that the Evil Empire is still alive and well. According to the New York Times, the upcoming elections in the Russian Parliament don't spell anything good for fans of things like freedom, liberalism, or democracy.

Putin's regime has seen the adoption of tough laws regarding prerequisites political parties must meet to be recognized as "parties." If you're not officially a party, you can't have anyone on the ballot. Using these regulations, Putin has effectively made his party--United Russia--the only party that counts for anything in the government. Effectively, the Kremlin decides who can or cannot run for Parliament. Boy, doesn't that sound democratic to you? I'm skipping! If only it were like that in America!

The worst part of this story is when you compare it to anything Putin has ever said regarding democracy. You'd think he was some sort of democracy groupie, following it to all of its shows and throwing his hammer-and-sickle undies at the lead singer, Tom "Democracy Gangsta" Paine. Here you have some quotes.

"The country has a number of objectives, one of which is to develop a
multiparty system. This is something we need. I think a lot about how
life in Russia should develop after 2008 and in the longer term and I
see no instrument capable of stabilising the country other than
democracy and a multiparty system. We cannot build Russia’s future by
tying its many millions of citizens to just one person or group of
people. We will not be able to build anything lasting unless we put in
place a real and effectively functioning multiparty system and develop
a civil society that will protect society and the state from mistakes
and wrong actions on the part of those in power. There is no other road
we can take and there is no question of inventing some kind of
home-grown local-style democracy." --Speech, 9/14/07

"...therefore United Russia, a party that accepts its political
responsibility for the course it has adopted, can have only one
objective: victory in the forthcoming elections, a victory won in a
fair fight." --Speech to United Russia Congress, 10/1/07

I read these things and I kept thinking one thing to myself: "God, what balls this man has!" He has cojones the size of watermelons! I thought the George Bush was a good liar, but I was wrong. I see now that George Bush was helped every step of the way by members of his administration that helped him lie well. But Putin? He has the audacity to stand in front of the Russian people and tell them that he loves democracy and can't see any way that Russia can survive without it--when he's got democracy tied up in his secret lair and is slowly disemboweling it! Seriously, Bush is taking it slow and easing upnow that his term is almost over. But Putin, who can't run for office after his term ends this coming year, doesn't care in the slightest. His only aim, it would seem, is to squeeze the throats of the Russian people a little more while he can and make it easier for his successor to do the same.

I wish he'd just grow a bushy mustache already. Not a John "I Will Kill The U.N. By Puffing My Facial Hair At It" Bolton one, but the strong Josef "I Am Iron Man" Stalin type of mustache. Maybe put a little Hercule Poirot curl on the ends.

Good Lord, the man is evil. He threw Garry Kasparov in jail for protesting his regime. "Yes, but he did it without a license," says the Russian government. To which I respond, "You need to get a new record, that one's broken." That's the excuse that is constantly given.

Deep inside him, Putin is just a very, very scared man. He has to know that the easy ride won't last forever. At least, I hope he knows that. Because what needs to happen is the U.N. must impose sanctions. If the legal ground for this is too shaky (isn't that always the way?), at least form a coalition of nations who won't trade with Russia until the prohibitory acts are abolished. Because he's not Democracy's biggest fan, I am. I've got all of their albums.

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