Teenage moms... little whores who couldn't keep their legs closed or were too ignorant to get on birth control.
Is that really what you think of us?
For decades, society has been trying to comprehend this idea of babies born out of wedlock like it's some kind of deadly sin. How could a single teenager be a good mother? Well... to be honest, it's not easy but it's possible.
And sure, maybe I was a little whore who couldn't keep her legs closed. Maybe I wasn't. But NO, I was not too ignorant to get on birth control. My baby was born on a .000001% (or whatever) chance. I'm not saying that as an attempt to put myself above any other unwed mothers. I'm just stating a fact. The only explanation that I ever got from a doctor for my lottery win was "You're just really fertile!" or "I guess depo just doesn't work for you!" No shit, sherlock. Young women NEED our help. They need people like you and me to help them. I was fortunate enough to have a mom I could talk to, to accompany me on my path toward womanhood. Sure, it didn't really work out like it was "supposed to," but I had something most teenage girls don't: GUIDANCE. And now that I'm an adult, raising my own child... I have come to the conclusion that not enough answers are provided.
I have a 15 year old friend... sister, if you will. (Not Malina, Dad.) She's sexually active and has nobody to talk to. Nobody at home, nobody at school, nobody. She had to wait until she saw me, which only happens once every few months to finally get it off her chest. You're probably thinking, I bet there are people she can talk to but she probably chooses not to talk to them. The point is, she doesn't feel comfortable talking to anyone. I demand to know why nobody is taking responsibility for teenage motherhood and why the blame is always put on the young mother when it's already too late??? How is it possible that I am the only person in this girl's life that she feels comfortable talking to? I may refer to her as a sister figure, but to tell you the truth I barely know her. Her health teacher that she sits and listens to every day knows her better than I do, I'll tell you that much. Why couldn't she talk to her? You might be thinking to yourself I'd be available. How would a teenager know that unless you told her? Girls need someone not just to listen to them, but to listen to. The second I made myself a little more vulnerable to my friend, she spilled her young, innocent, naiive, scared little guts.
And when we do get pregnant, out of wedlock, barely graduated from high school... we are judged. Do you know what it's like to go out into public when you're 17 and pregnant. People stare. They look you up and down. Not in the way young girls like to be looked up in down. They are disgusted. They glare at your bare ring finger. Some even have the audacity to ask questions, personal questions. How would you feel if someone asked you how often you had bowel movements? Probably a little red in the face. Well, take that and multiply it by a MILLION and maybe.. just maybe.. you'd understand how embarassing it feels.
Every time I meet someone new and tell them I'm a single mom and that I'm 22 with a four-year-old, I find myself explaining. Explaining how it happened, that I'm a junior at CSUEB with a 3.5 GPA, that I want to be a writer, that I'm really a good mother. Before they ask the questions, I explain myself... WHY I am a good mother and WHY they shouldn't hate me for having been some ignorant little whore who couldn't keep her legs closed. It's become a routine and I'm okay with that. Because at the end of the day, I go home to my little man and I thank God he's in my life. Believe me, I struggle with being a "good mom." Sometimes I wonder what life might be like had he not come along. And I THANK GOD he did. I am thankful that Isaiah and I have the support we need. I wish that every young single mom did. I feel lucky. I know that I do the best I can with the cards I was dealt.
I'm just hoping that by reading this blog, you're more aware of how young girls feel. They're scared, they're embarassed. They don't have to be. All any girl needs is acceptance, not judgement. Remember that.
Previously posted on: www.brickfish.com
I completely agree - I know someone who got pregnant while on birth control. It may not happen often, but it happens; I used to go shopping with her when she was pregnant, and we got the worst stares, glares, and whispers in our direction when she started showing. I was always disgusted and shot them looks back - once a woman was saying loudly how teenagers these day give it up for anything, and i "accidentally" stomped my wedge into her foot. Though my friend has had a tough time, she's an amazing mom, and has changed so much because of her daughter.
I'm glad to see you're doing so well and challenging the stereotypical teenage mom people imagine, high school dropouts working at fast food places - congratulations on your accomplishments. And say hi to Isaiah for me =]
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
- Albert Einstein
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/blonde-bickerman
My cousin got pregnant on birth control and I strongly believe that she is not a whore. She has been dating this guy for about 5 years. She loves him so why not have sex? Its not like she was doing it for the fun with random one night stands, it was only with her boyfriend and only him. Plus they are gettin married now. My brother also got his girlfriend pregnant turns out their condom broke. Its not like they were not trying to prevent it. Everything happens for a reason.
Romance Mathematics:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
What does that have to do with what I wrote? Do you think this is some kind of joke? I'm not a comedian.
<3 Brandi
It is sad that there's such a lack of support for young people. For all the talk you hear about leaving no children behind and making sure our children are okay, there's not really a lot of action about it. It's sad that so many people scorn young, unwed mothers; when I was working in medicine, it was often the younger mothers who really cared about their kids.
(if you can't see the fnords they won't eat you)
Here in west Texas, teen pregnancy rate is higher than anywhere else in the nation. West Texas is also the most conservative part of the nation.
Conservative parents think that if they preach abstinence enough, the children will listen and won't have sex. Knowledge about sex is virtually zero. Why don't parents put their daughters on birth control? They're going to have sex, so why make sure they are safe. Tell them the pills are vitamins. Why not make sure boys know that they need to have condoms? Tell them the risk, scare the hell out of them with STDs and pregnancy, and then tell them it's their choice.
Yay! You mean my state finally isn't number one! Sorry, I live in Nevada and we are pretty much top five in everything you want low (teen pregnancy, teen suicide, drunk driving) and bottom five in everything you want high (student spending). Last I heard we were number one for teen pregnancy, but I guess we have probably moved down to number two or three now.
It is sort of funny how conservatives think that complete ignorance leads to smart decisions. The body wants to have sex. That is the entire point of a body. You can't just figure that if nobody teaches the kids how to have sex or exposes them to teen sex they won't have it. Their bodies want it. Kids who have never had the sex talk growing up all by themselves will figure out how to have sex, it is natural.
In the society we have now having children early and out of the financial stability of wedlock isn't usually a great idea. If we still lived tribally pregnant fourteen year olds wouldn't be a problem. In fact you will see that almost all successful teen mothers have a good network of helpers around them, almost like a tribe.
Res ipsa loquitur.
memor mori, mahalo.
That's very interesting about the tribal resemblance. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
<3 Brandi
I like the way you think~
We should be raising the children from day one knowing they will be driven towards reproduction at some time. Children should be taught about relationships and what it takes to build families at the same time as being taught about the biological factors, as in our chilhood health classes. Learning abou different cultures and their views on premarital sex could very possibly relieve some of the stigma.
I totally agree. Why blame the mothers? They're at least taking responsibility for a accident, a mistake, which could possibly be the most enriching experience of their lives. Society does too much stereotyping as far as young pregnancies go. There are people who believe that only certain kinds of girls get pregnant, and that's totally unfair. We all have ovaries, for the most part, regardless of how many partners you've had, how much money you have. Guidance is important, very important, but so is knowing that it REALLY can happen to anyone.
"Don't stop believin'..."
I completly agree, it doesn't make sense at all to blame the mothers, especially if they did use protection or they were uneducated about sex and birth control through no fault of their own. I'm pretty sure there are hotlines out there people can call but sometimes you just need the comfort of a close friend or relative.
Even if someone was carelessly having sex without thinking about the consequences...I think getting pregnant and being totally unprepared for it is scary enough without people looking down on you all the time. People make mistakes and it's important to have a little compassion.
I have a friend who goes to a Catholic highschool and she was talking about someone she knew who had gotten pregnant and everyone looked down at her and talked about her behind her back. But the people doing this were sexually active themselves! Things like that I just don't understand...
I could never understand how people can judge so easily when it is not our place to judge any one wiether a teenager becoming a parent to soon or whatever the case maybe. My aunt was a teenage mother long before I was ever given life and my mom told us this story I think so we wouldn't have to go through such ridicule. But I don't look down at my Aunt she's a wonderful person. Just wish Teenage mothers could recieve better and more supportive help through such a diffcult time in thier life.
"Come to the dark side, we have cookies."
I wouldnt say whore lol.. such a harsh word lol ..
It does take a lot of responsibility. props to the mamma's!
Visit my BLOG> http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/jodi41086
Words seem to be my "thing." I like ones that are provocative like that. I'm glad I got your attention!
<3 Brandi
*edited for ToS violation on 07/28/08~ediblewoman
CONDOMS. HELLO.
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity--and I'm not so sure about the universe"
-Albert Einstein
I'm glad I can point out the obvious to you people.
If you're going to write a blog about calling yourself a whore, then be ready for people to agree with you.
At least you're like one of the GOOD single young mothers, and actually tries to raise her child well. Good luck with that.
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity--and I'm not so sure about the universe"
-Albert Einstein