I wanted to use this blog to be progressive. What I thought was progressive was broadening my horizons by sharing my opinions and reading the opinions of others on current political issues: the presidential race, environmental issues, current news stories. But now I'm sitting here realizing that within my own life, I have made a progressive observation. I have always classified myself as being independent and would never fall victim to being trapped in a relationship I had no desire to stay in. To many people, for this reason I came off as a "bitch", but really I am quite a sympathetic person. And that very attribute is what has gotten me in trouble, but has opened my eyes to the situation of countless women.
No, he never hit me. Not yet at least. But I can't say I didn't come out of the relationship without scars. After five months of having who my friends were, where I was at at all times, and who I talked to controlled, I am finally free. I still am asking myself why I have had no problem telling someone exactly what I think or defending myself when someone tried to cut me down, and yet I stood there and took such terrible verbal abuse and lived in fear from someone I really had no former obligation too.
While I never out and out blamed abused women for their troubles, in a subconscious way I did blame them. If they were strong enough, if they had gotten an education they wouldn't have to rely on that guy to take care of them, if they weren't so weak and needy, they wouldn't be in that situation. And now, I am educated, independent, I know what I want, and yet I lived in fear of the day he would hit me. I listened day in and day out to him cut me down. It seemed he hated everything about me.
Maybe deep down, I stayed as a way of punishing myself for something I can't let go of, maybe thats what happens for some women. Maybe as much as I think I want to be alone and on my own to achieve my desired goals in life, I thrive for a basic human necessity, to have someone to share your life with.
But all in all, this blog was to be an apology to those women, who for whatever reason, are stuck. I...am...sorry. May you one day find the strength I did.
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Its wonderful to see that you had both the courage and strength to do something about it. I hope your story will encourage other to look a little closer at their relationships.
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"Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?” (Sun Tzu)
I'm really glad to hear you got out of that horrible situation.
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Please see my recent blog post, "Genocide and Student Activism": http://www.progressiveu.org/041447-genocide-and-student-activism
I still have to fight urges to go back because I feel bad, but the feeling of being able to breath, the feeling of being free of such restraints completely overrides them. I probably wouldn't have been able to do it without the support of my friends and family. They made a huge difference.
A little formatting tip: space out your paragraphs and they will be easier for the reader to read.
You shouldn't worry about people calling you names simply because you refuse to get into a bad situation! They're the wrong ones. It's good for you to be strong, if only such a thing could be passed onto those who are stuck in bad relationships...
Oh, and your avatar is cute. Baby goat, right?
Haha yea thats my boy, Taco Bill. I used to work on a farm and he was teeny tiny and sick so I brought him home and he's been here ever since. Thanks for the tip, by the way.
That really is a hard thing to do! I commend you for fighting yourself to not going back!
You were smart to get out of it.
And I second the bit about the paragraph breaks.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman