How Do You Break Up with a Friend?!?!?!?!?

It’s relatively easy to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. A simple “It’s not you, it’s me” talk, phone call, or even a text or email can do the trick. The excuses can vary, but the reasons are all the same- one person just doesn’t want to spend the rest of their life with the other. Breaking up with a friend, however, is another story.

It started a few months ago when I broke my most valued personal possession, a necklace, at work. My husband had surprised me with the necklace as a just because gift, and my daughter always “fixed” it when the clasp would turn to the front of my neck. I always thought of my husband and kids whenever I felt it. I would subconsciously play with it in class, while thinking, or just whenever. It made me happy. The chain was tiny and delicate. It was perfect, and full of sentimental value. I was leaning over a cabinet when the chain became caught in part of the door latch and snapped when I stood up. It was a clean break, only about one inch away from the clasp. I found all three of the tiny, piano key-shaped pendants and decided to take it home and splice the chain. It would only be an inch or so shorter, and I always thought the chain was just a little long for me to begin with. I placed the necklace on one of my work areas in the lab and continued what I was doing.
Next, I made a decision that would change my mood for the next few months. My friend came into the room, and began to hold a conversation. I’ve only known this person for about six months. I had always seen the friend as responsible, although self-pitying and bitter. This friend had been depressed, and experiencing some hard situations, so I was somewhat sympathetic of them. The friend next asks me why the necklace is on the table, and if he/she could fix it. My answer was no. I didn’t trust anyone as it is, much less with my favorite thing. After many minutes of begging, pleading, and promises not to lose it, I allow the friend to take the necklace, repair it, and return it the next day. Well, one day, one week, one month and a half passes, and the necklace had not been returned. I kept asking, then finally told them to bring it back the next day. Each inquiry yielded an excuse as to why it hadn’t been fixed yet and why we couldn’t just go get it from their house. Finally, the day before my final exam in the hardest class I’m taking the friend approaches me in the middle of our exam review and says “Oh yeah, I have something to tell you. I’ve lost your necklace. I can just buy you another one or something. I hope it wasn’t important to you, like your grandma’s or a present or something.”
I was shocked, near tears, and trying to focus on my final in a class that I needed to do well in to continue graduate studies. I just mumbled something about not being able to bring it back, and stared at the front of the room. I managed to block out the situation until after the final, but I was like a zombie. I was mad at myself for trusting someone, and mad at the person for losing it. If I had sent my necklace to a jeweler who did not know me, have to see me everyday, and did not care for me personally, the jeweler would not have lost it. The person who is supposed to be a friend and explicitly promised to not lose the necklace lost it. I was so angry with myself for trusting that person. The friend had said they did not lose the chain, only the pendants. After finals were over, I called them and told them to keep on looking, or I would come over and look for it myself. Later, they inform me that they found one of the pendants, and that the necklace is with a jeweler in order to get an appraisal on custom pieces. I had already asked for the pieces back, so I was furious that the friend had the nerve to send off the necklace for up to 2 weeks just to get an appraisal and maybe have some pieces made that I didn’t even want. I told them that I didn’t want new pieces, I just wanted the one piece and the chain back before they lose it. I told them to meet me at the jeweler to pick it up, only to be told that the jeweler was closed (It was 3 pm at that time). I disagreed, and told the friend to call them so I could pick it up. The reply: No, you need a claim ticket. I was sick of excuses, so I hung up and called the jeweler, explained the situation, and told them I wanted to pick up the remains of the necklace as soon as I could. The jeweler approved, as long as I had verbal authorization from the friend. I called the friend back, ordered them to call the jeweler and authorize me to pick it up, and finally picked up the necklace. When I arrived at the jeweler’s shop, I found one of my pendants, and a chain that I had never seen in my life. The so-called friend had replaced the chain with another one, and the only thing left was one pendant. I was in a state of shock- how could someone think that this would go unnoticed? I still haven’t called or spoke with the friend since then. There were other things that happened between the initial necklace-breaking scenario and this that caused me to want to terminate the friendship. I would have been more upset with myself if the person had handled the situation differently. I never even heard an “I’m sorry” out of the person, and after hearing lie after lie, I don’t want to be around them anymore. I deleted them from Facebook, which apparently is the first step to breaking up with a friend. I don’t even know what to say to the person the next time I do see them. I’ve never been so disappointed in a person in my life.
Now, the struggle with who to blame and the implications for later friendships kick in. The whole situation was partly my fault- I shouldn’t have trusted someone with one of my personal possessions. Of course, I’m over the loss of the necklace. I even found one very similar from the same company, but with a different chain and ordered it. Since the whole incident, however, I’ve been questioning my trust in others. If someone who is supposed to be a close friend can “lose” something (I still never received an explanation of what happened, so I really don’t know) of mine with no apology or apparent remorse, then how can I trust others with legal records, paperwork, etc? What happens when I’m arrested because someone misplaces one of my files? How do I know the mailman won’t lose my car payment? What if financial aid loses my scholarship paperwork? My entire life partially depends on others not losing things, and if they don’t know or care about me how much care will be taken to not misplace something important? Do we trust the government and other officials too much? Do we trust individuals without that oversight too much? I grew up in an environment where I couldn’t trust my parents and most of my family, so trust has always been an issue for me. Now the issue has been rekindled, only this time I have knowledge of the potential consequences of people screwing up. I wouldn’t say that I walk around in fear that someone will screw up, but the notion is in the back of my mind. Trust is a thread that we all hang by; our fate relies upon how far we are from the ground when it breaks.

I apoligize for the overuse of "they" referring to the singular friend, but this was the easiest way for me to write without disclosing name or gender.