My dad has been deployed for about 6 or 7 weeks now (I'm not really counting. Seems to go faster that way). I hadn't really noticed his absence until lately. Everything was cool, at least for me, until a few days ago. Then I started noticing how stressed and moody I've been. Today was probably the biggest example of that.
I got mad at my mom for telling me to ride the bus home today. There was youth group today and I was really psyched about it. For the first time in a long time, I really wanted to hang out with the middle schoolers and then my friends later. Turns out, we have summer tires on our car when we thought that they were all-season radials. The tires don't come in until Friday, so there's not a whole lot of stuff we can do, especially in this weather. I was so pissed at my mom for telling me to come home.
But that's not all. I've been uberly stressed out lately. I get headaches and cramps and i get so tired just because of the stress. I should really get out and run. I also never want to be at home. My sister, my mother, and I in a house with no male presence. There's way too much estrogen and emotions are quickly set off by the smallest thing. They always tell you about this stuff when someone deploys, but I wasn't prepared for the emotional toll everyday life would take on me.
There have been other things, too. Especially relational. My sister thinks of me as her best friend but half the time, I don't want to be near her. I used to get along great with my mother, but now everything she says ticks me off. I've pulled myself away from friends and I don't really talk to anyone. I talk, a lot, but not about anything important or that would help me deal with, well, life. I'm practically falling over the guy I like and I wonder if he even really notices me. I've started losing respect for even my favorite teachers. I take up an attitude with everyone.
And it's all because I'm stressed out with my dad being away. I can't wait till he comes home. Maybe then I can take a break from at least feeling like I have to carry the weight. Everyone in the family carries the weight and my mom carries most of it. But I'm tired of taking care of the portion I have to. I'm just ready for life to be normal again. If that's even possible.
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