If you are an avid Dr. Laura listener, as many of my friends are, you will know that she strongly discourages divorce at all costs. That is unless you are experiencing one of the "three A's": Abuse, Addiction, or Adultery. Otherwise, she will tell you to stick it out until your last child is the age of 18.
However, you and I both know that now days divorce is more common than ever. So my question is…Are we doing our children a disservice by not listening to what Dr. Laura has to offer? Are we all to often just throwing in the towel too soon? Once it is finalized are we choosing to be civil with one another “for the kids”? If so, how long will it truly last?
I believe that once you are divorced the lines of communication between you and your Ex should be wide open. You should be able to form a new relationship of Co-Parenting. Co-Parents are two people who make a conscience effort to come together in the rearing and raising of their children. They both have the best interest of their children at heart and are able to put any past ill feelings of their Ex aside.
If two Co-Parents can create and follow through on a Co-Parenting plan the children will truly come out on top of a potentially “bad” situation. Divorce is never easy for a child to endure, but isn’t our duty as parents to make it as easy as possible for these little beings to succeed in life? I believe that it is.
divorce rates are too high. it's a 50/50 chance if a marriage will last. if it does happen, than i totally agree with you. both parents should communicate and help the kids.
Many parents who are divorced and have kids will still not communicate effectively and resort back to their old ways of yelling in front of the children.
I have heard of a couple who had to resort to using a notepad to communicate. Meaning on drop off and pick up of the kids no words were spoken, a notepad was passed between them with all of the important information in it regarding the care of the kids. How sad is the example they are setting for their children?
Family. Isn't It About Time?
www.healthymarriage.org
So, I must add to this my 5 year olds point of view on our recent divorce in August. At least once a week I am asked why he, his 2 year old sister and I don’t move back to the “old” house, meaning with his dad, and have things back to the way they used to be? I have pointed out that his dad and I didn’t get along while married and are now better friends divorced. Recently, he has wanted more of an explanation.
The Explanation that I gave for not having things back to the way “they used to be” went something like this:
Mom: Doesn’t your dad have a girlfriend living with him at your old house already?
Son: Yes.
Mom: And we all really like her right? (Co-Parents try to support each other)
Son: Yes.
Mom: Then, where would I live if she is already there?
Son: You could come and live with all of us!
Mom: That wouldn’t be right. When you are with someone, you should be with only that one person.
My poor five year old really has what I call the Parent Trap syndrome of fantasizing and hoping that we will get back together. To the point that each time he comes back to my house from a visit to the “old house” his attitude is completely different. He comes back very frustrated and upset. I have sense realized that if I will take the time to discuss how he feels about us being divorced and not living in the same house, then his attitude turns right around. It has been less than 7 months and his fantasy is far from coming true, this is what I think is the most frustrating for him. He just doesn’t realize how lucky he is that his father and I get along so well.
Family. Isn't It About Time?
www.healthymarriage.org
Sorry I posted it twice on accidet.
Family. Isn't It About Time?
www.healthymarriage.org
Well my five year old is in Kindergarten this year and needless to say has had quite a rough year. School started two weeks after moving out of his "old house" and into our new one. His temper tantrums at school have been loud enough that the ladies at the office have come down to make sure that the child was alright.
I suggested counseling for him to my Ex, but he wanted to wait and see if things would calm down for him. Well last month the teacher finally also reccomeded counseling due to the emotional outbursts. After a few sessions, we have found out that at his age it is common for children to use behaviors to communicate rather than their feelings.
Therefore, our newest challenge is to help him to identify what he is feeling and when. What a challenge.
Family. Isn't It About Time?
www.healthymarriage.org