**NOTE: The names in this blog have been changed due to privacy.
I met one of my best friends, Chrissy, while working at a movie theatre in our home town about two years ago. We were just friendly aquaintances, but then we found out we were going to the same college! We were excited! Not only did we get to see each other more often, but we were able to hang out a little more than we would otherwise. When December came, my roommate decided living thirteen hours away from her home state of Iowa was a bit too far, and left. This became a great opportunity. Chrissy was frustrated with having to drive thirty minutes every day to get to school, so I offered her Amber's place as my roommate. The moment Chrissy moved in with me, things changed drastically. Only a month before, I got a new boyfriend, and since I didn't have a job, I left every weekend to see him. This left her alone, and I felt bad, but once she met Brian down the hall, things got better for her. Brian was a good guy, a sweet and caring person, but before I met my boyfriend, he had a weird obsessed crush on me. It turned into jealousy when I told him that I was meeting my boyfriend over winter break, and of course, being the friend he was, he told me to be careful, but every part of him was jealous. He even told me he wanted to shove a 45 calibur rifle through my computer screen because I was talking to my boyfriend. He kept looking over my shoulder, reading what I was writing, and it began to get annoying. After my boyfriend and I hooked up, he slowly began to leave me alone. I was relieved.
Chrissy and Brain began to hang out ... a lot. She began eating with Brian's friends (who really aren't bad people at all, I like them), ditching me when we had plans, and it really started to annoy me. I mean, Chrissy never did this type of thing before! But then she got sick and was bed-ridden for a week. Brian started accusing her of ignoring him and being anti-social. She was sick! This was about two weeks ago. Chrissy is better now, but now, for about a week, she's been seeing this guy, Michael that she met off of MySpace. They've been in an actual relationship for about four days now and when Brian found out, he flipped! Literally! Chrissy has been telling him the last three months that she wouldn't date him, for more than one reason. He's going into the Army, and she does not like military guys. And another reason is, is that he's too possessive and she's very independent. There are a lot of things going on with Brian right now, a lot does have to do with school, but the majority of it is Chrissy. He told her that he's over her, but he doesn't act like it. He's still super possessive and accuses her of all sorts of different things. Brian is angry. VERY angry. He's even admitted to her that he's been tempted to back-hand her a few times. Scary isn't even the right word for it. He wants to talk to her face-to-face ... privately. I told her that she's bringing her knife (she carries a small weapon around with her because she's learned to keep one on her from living in LA and New York) and she's keeping it open every second that they're talking. And Brian's roommate and best friend, Allen, will be standing outside the door every second. Brian is not normally like this. He's very angry and no one has ever seen him this way. Not even his best friends that go way back to elementary school with him. He's so angry at the world right now, and at Chrissy, that if he gets to that point while they're talking, his anger might get the better of him and drown out the logical side of his brain. He might even end up doing something that he will thoroughly regret. I just hope he doesn't go that far.
I guess the point of this blog is to tell everyone out there that if you experience anything like this, the angry person, the person willing to do harm to get their way, needs to go to a therapist. If things work out between Chrissy and Brian, then Chrissy is going to discuss going to see a counselor with him. If things don't work, Brian needs to expect never to be friends with Chrissy ever again. Domestic violence is not the answer and should be dealt with accordingly.
Um. Brian needs to find out where this anger is stemming from, and get help by himself. It's not Chrissy's problem; he obviously has some pocket of "malicious" feelings that he needs to sort out, and one can only reach conclusions of such magnitude by themselves.
Seriously.
I was in a relationship with a very destructive person. I tried to help and became far too entangled in guilt trips, hatred, and loathing. I could have saved myself a lot of misery if I had just stepped back and said, "look. This is obviously something big that's brewing that you need to address and find peace with. It's not my responsibility to hold your hand the entire way; it's time to take initiative and fix it yourself."
The thing about Brian, though, is that he wants to talk to Chrissy and only Chrissy. He claims that he's seen one of the school counselors here but they didn't help him. He thinks talking to her is the only way he can help himself. They're both putting themselves in dangerous situations and I cannot stop it from happening. Chrissy is scared out of her mind, but she wants to try and get the sane Brian back as her friend and I understand that. I just hope all goes well when they talk.
It doesn't sound like a good situation. He should still fix it on his own terms, without transferring his feelings to Chrissy. They are not her feelings to deal with; they're his. Guilt tripping her isn't really going to make anything better. :(
This "Chrissy" is just going to end up going to jail because she had a weapon on her, no matter that it was for self defense. You had better call the cops, because despite how idiotic it sounds, the law will be on "Brian's" side.
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity--and I'm not so sure about the universe"
-Albert Einstein
Actually, no, the law in Colorado states that you are allowed to carry a knife with you as long as the blade is under the legal measurement of 3 1/2 inches, no permit required. Her knife is no where near that long, and if anything happens, it will be in self-defense. The law will not be on Brian's side if he is being charged with attempted rape, homicide, whatever.
The Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence can give you information and a referral to a local program. Help is available. Their phone number is (888) 778-7091 or (303) 831-9632.
I was in a relationship like this a year ago....he needs to get help and she needs to do everything she can to get away from him. the guy I dated ended the relationship by giving me whiplash in attempts to break my neck...so trust me get away from him.
First and foremost id like to wish Crissy and you best of luck with this situation.
Now the first thing i believe both you and crissy should do is relieve yourself of any negative thoughts about Brian you may have , or any irrational conclusions youve made about him. These thoughts will cloud your judgement about him and most definetly just cause you to not solve the problem correctly.
Now heres what Crissy needs to do, she needs to find out what it is Brian wishes to discuss with her so privately..What is so important that they must be together, alone. With that said, she needs to find the most non-intrusive manner to come up with alternatives, whilst seeming to keep Brians wishes intact , for example, suggest a nice quiet spot at a "public" park. ( So as to not arouse any contradiction, she may want to stress the words 'quiet' and 'alone')
This will at least giver her more of a chance if there is any threat of an attack to scream for help ( or stab him, whichever seems fit for her))
The key here is to try and not make Brian look as if he IS angry and scaring her, because the last thing an angry (and possibly obsessed) person wants to know is that theyre angry and obsessed ( as contradicting as that may sound ) So Crissy ( and you) just need to play it cool.. to the point where your guards are still up, but youre not putting it so high up, it causes Brian to want to jump over it and attack...So thats just my advice, speaking from reading and experience..
hope it helps.
cheers