Oklahoma claims to have some of the toughest child abuse laws around. I beg to differ. Oklahoma DHS will not remove a child or even investigate a case of mental abuse or neglect. I was personally told by a case manager that they would not investigate or look into any cases that pertained to that unless the child had been physically abused or beaten to the point it was noticable. I beleive that Physical abuse is bad and wrong, but I also beleive that mental abuse and neglect are alot harder to over come. Mental abuse effects a persons head. People who have been mentally abused end up in counseling for years. Some are never the same. So therefore the state of Oklahoma is saying it is alright to mess up a young childs head to where they will have problems with self esteem and the general public for the rest of their lives. I feel very sorry for these innocent children.
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Selena, fair point. I'm sure some people at Oklahoma DHS would argue that they can't investigate cases of emotional abuse because it is too hard to prove abuse if there is no physical abuse.
However, I suspect there is also another factor at work. Conservative think tanks have been telling legislators and politicians that schools and parents aren't tough enough on kids these days. More on that discussion here:
http://www.progressiveu.org/274_one_nation_under_therapy
Here's another good article about verbal abuse, and why we need to stop it. My daughter's soccer coach pointed this article out to me.
I totally agree. My children were physically, verbally, and very emotionally abused by their father. They have been in counseling for 5 years and are no where near being ok. He threatened them over and over that he would kill them if they ever told of the abuse. So it has taken them a long time to not be so afraid to open up in counseling.
I did inform DHS of the abuse - they called one time to make sure that the kids were not living with him, and since they were not - nothing was done - I guess they were considered safe. There was no investigation nor was he charged with child abuse.
I did not know to file a police report. I thought my asking for a protective order and the information I had to give in order to obtain one, plus reporting abuse to DHS would be enough to bring charges.
My ex-husband continues to be a threat to us, he has violated the protective order several times but is still allowed supervised visitation.
The courts think that supervised visitation is safe, but it is not emotionally safe. I don't know one person who would ever choose to be with a person who had abused them. I know I wouldn't - it would be too dificult emotionally.
The legal system needs to change so that a non-abusive parent CAN make the decisions that are best for her children in cases of proven abuse without the courts interferance.
Abusive parents need to lose their parental rights after abusing their child the first time- at least if the child has a non-abusive parent available to raise them, so those children can have a chance for a better childhood and be allowed to grow up to be caring, productive, functioning adults.
If this happens, maybe the majority of the violence that is happening in our communities will stop. I would bet the majority of these violent offenders come from abusive homes that they were not protected from and that they never received treatment for their abuse.
Please think on these things and then help out by contacting lawmakers. Let them know that laws need to be changed to better protect our children as well as more strict laws to punish abusive parents.
After all, child abuse does touch everyones lives at some point. Whether your child is dealing with a school bully - who is probably growing up in an abusive situation, or there is an abused family member or neighbor you probably know who is suffering in silence. Most abused women and children are too afraid to tell. We all need your help!
Thanks for letting me vent!
I do agree with everything you said. Yes my daughters father came from a very abusive home. There was a total of of 6 children in his family. Three boys and three girls. The parents would make the girls and boys fist fight against each other in order to learn how to protect themselves. If they cried then their father would beat them. My ex told me of his mother tieing electric cords in knots and hitting them, along with boards, broomsticks, and pretty much anything else she could get her hands on.
Oklahoma seems not to care about my daughters metal welfare or other childrens mental welfare. There are police reports but nothing has been done. I have gona as far as to write to the president and vice president. They are supposedly looking into the matter. We shall see. I do not trust the government or any of their agencies anymore.
I am looking for any young ladies who were abused by coaches at Bethel Acreas Highschool in basketball. Bethel has a long running sucessful record of winning and attending state playoff games. With that said, any suggestions that the physical and verbal abuse are dismissed by the community and more improtant, the school board. If you or anyone you know has ever been abused by these coaches, please reply.
I am from Oklahoma and i know that since the case of the 2 year old girl Kelsey Briggs, that DHS has made some changes for instince now if there are any alligations of neglect, abuse ect... even if the alligations are false they have buckeled down and have started removing all kids from there homes. Lets just hope you don't have a pissed off friend who thinks this is the way of getting you back!!!! The laws do have to change but if a kid is removed from a home who is not bad, do you think its fair to remove them and put them in fostor homes who only have the kids for the money and don't really care what happens to them anyways? I have a friend who is a great mother who got her kids taking out of spite in a divorce ( abusive husband) I think there has to be a line drawn to all the false reports that are made, No wonder DHS laws have gotten so bad they don't know when its the truth or just another false report. They need to start arresting and prosecute all the people in America who make false reports. Well thanks for letting me state my opinion.
I had a friend who filed divorce papers and said a lot of really nasty things about her husband. she was staying with her mom and her MOM kicked her and the two kids out on the street! all because she was talking to her husband trying to work out visitation with him. and her mom called DHS out of spite and the kids were removed from the grandparents home and the grandparents had guardianship! it just goes to show DHS is going too far. Those kids were removed for threat of harm allegations and there was no child abuse to the kids. now they get once a week visitation and the youngest child is like 7 weeks.
I think ever since the Kelsey Briggs thing that DHS has gone overboard. they remove kids who dont need to be removed and dont remove ones that do! I think DHS should be bound to follow the law and have to legally prove allegations before removing the kids out of any home. They should be bound by law, just as officers are. Also DHS is ignoring a court order of custody toward those children and the LEGAL GUARDIANS cant do a thing about it. Those of you who were not drug through DHS system count your lucky stars! pray you dont have to go through what my friend is going thru. thanks for letting me vent.
I am going through this right now as are my kids. I got a divorce and my ex-wives mother and sister-in-law made a false report that I had called the and threatened my kids life and threatened my life. All totally false. Police and DHS came to my door and I invited them in thinking there must be something going on up the road. I asked them why they were there and you know how it goes they are"right" and I am "wrong". No matter what I said they took my kids away from me and their mom(for failure to protect). Strangely they went outside and I packed a bag and left to my mothers home 2 hours away. Is there a sentence for making a false report? I haven't seen my kids in over a month. I feel as if my life has changed so much because of DHS's failure to investigate the charges. How hard is it to know the recent ex inlaws more than not hold grudges toward the ex. Just to add this, my kids before this had great grades in school and lived a happy life with both parents in the home, no arguing, and had quality family time everyday. Sadly that may never be again because of the mistrust of DHS.
Revenge is a huge risk in OK right now....I have a friend who is dealing with this situation there. I think the entire OKlahoma child welfare system needs to have a brainstorming session and try to get everything straightened out. I like the idea of checking out every claim, but there's such a fine line between helping the child and hurting the child emotionally. Of course, ANY signs of physical abuse should be very thouroughly investigated, but the whole system just seems to be messed up right now.
cheers
http://progressiveu.org/blog/leslieq
Check it out...it's a work in progress.
I am glad that they charged the mother for failure to protect in the Kelsey Briggs case, How many of us good mothers would not know if our child was being beatin, Well i rest my case . I hope whoever killed that bueatiful little baby girl fries in hell for what they did to her.
I think they need to just go in in investigatye any allegations. If the allegations prove true then by all means pull the child out. When I spoke with the DHS worker he was having a fit because he said he could not even talk with my child. Fortunatly I do have a hearing comming up and the files from DHS will be used.
I agree that kids need to be pulled out if the neglect abuse is true, But what if the people who are supposed to be protecting those kids hurt them? What do we do then??????
I also beleive that before they place the child/children into a home they should do a complete background check. If any flags go up such as violence or anything then the child/children should NOT be placed with those people. to be honest the system is just lacking in following through with procedures to insure the safety of these kids.
My two granddaughters have been placed with me due to abuse from the hands of my ex daughter in law,the injuries were horrendous the 18 month old was covered in belt bruises,fist bruises,finger nail laceractions,burns(cigarette) to her bottom just terrible.The 3 year old has bald spots on her head where her "MOM" pulled her 3 feet off the floor by her pony tail.Mom bailed out of jail and now DHS is making me take the girls to visit her this evening What the hell is wrong? why put them through another emotional abuse.The girls have daily nightmares are unable to feed their selves are not potty trained and the 3 year old is just now learning to talk.
Don,t take them to see that bitch!! Take your granddaughters out of state to a trusted friend or family member and leave them there!! They will have to go through a lot of court systems, states, counties to get orders to return the children for visitation to this bitch. HIDE them!
I am hoping for my boy-friends childrens sake that we will be heard.I am responding to the first letter on this site. And we also believe that neglect and mental abuse is a much greater form of abuse than others.We are in Missouri, trying to gain custody of his two children who are in Tulsa ages 2 and 5.At this time we as parents can not even be given a name or number to speak to the mothers case manager.There have been several reports made and the police and even a case manager have been sent to the home wanting to SEE the children and to show the mother how to keep har children in the home since there were reports of the son outside alone and naked.Maybe there is someone out there who can give us some advice this would hopefuly give us the chance to give them a life that we know we could give them.
I do not believe that they are stating that it is okay to mentally abuse anyone. I feel that maybe, they are just saying that it is not their job to remove a child simply because of that reason. That happens everywhere all of the time, at work, at school, in home, etc.
But about the part of having to be abused physically to the point where it is noticeable, it's kind of odd in a way, and I just happened to find out that the police are the same way. It doesn't matter if the person is acting a fool and causing fear, if they do not touch you in any way or you can't prove that they have hit you, then it's just a waste of time to the cops, to take that person.
"All people are smart,
but it is up to them to figure that out."
-ME
im a parent, who lives in oklahoma in the post kelsey briggs era, you all should be happy to know that oklahoma has now taken a drastic turn in child welfare issues, and ones that might cause you to fear more than anything. we let our youngest spend the night a friends house one evening and by the afternoon of the next day all 3 of our children were takend from us. while we were investigated and watched our families values, ideas and the welfare of our children were debated, 37 days later our children were given back to us and we were simply told , that there was no substantial evidance to prove weve done anything wrong, which we hadnt. so kudos to you all who want reform. even despite the tragedies, your voices have been heard and now big brother is now allowed to come into your home, presume you guilty and take your children until they fell you are no harm. be careful of what you wish for. were normal ppl trying to raise a normal family but in the end, it cost us large amounts of money for both custody and criminal attornies, being fired from my job and the trauma it cuased my family just to prove we did nothing wrong. so in all fairness, we created the demon. what are you going to say now that this can be done with one simple phone call ??????????
What you do not realize is that every action made by the department has to be sanctioned by both a distric attorney and a judge. The department does not simply remove just for the heck of it. There has to be a legal basis to intervene on the behalf of the child unless law enforcement intervened. The department is in charge of assessing the risk and safety in the home. From there judicial official take the driver's seat.
When children are removed - Both parents have either had to do something or failed to act in protecting their child(ren) in order for the Juvenile Court system to file a petition. Feel free to go to the agency website and look at policy regarding when the agency removes. Please educate yourself on how the departments hands are tied.
Shelly that means the agency felt you were able to protect the child and the court did not get involved. That is a good thing, I commend you for taking those steps in ensuring your children's safety. Juvenile Court is different and seperate from criminal court and family court.
I agree please do not use the system as revenge on neighbors, exes or inlaws. When the investigators are having to deal with serious issues as well as "fluff" cases, mistakes can happen. I am tired of DHS being all to blame for the situations, we as a society create. These workers deal with seeing children hurt, bleeding, sexually assaulted, dead and mentally injured on a daily basis. They don't get off hours, they are on call and worker every day. You take that job and then be the society's whipping child when - "why did you remove?", "why didn't you remove?", "How could you reccommend them to stay in the sytem longer", "How could you recommend them to go home". If you are willing to take that challenge that you have the right to throw the first stone at the agency. If not, change in to a worker's shoes and imagine your worst nightmare as a parent and then repeat that day after day, seeing children hurt. The go home and hug your kids. These people make mistake like everyone, but they know their mistakes can get a child killed or hurt more. You try to go to sleep with that you your mind as you listen to your child sleep in the next room.
The investigators I do know, are hard workers who understand removing kids from home can be traumatic so there for they only remove when that child is placed in a category of risk to life or limb. The department does what it can to prevent removal but there are times when the risk is too high. Once that risk is lowered the kids go back.
Mental injury is hard to invetigate but I know they do investigate it. When those issues are brought up it is sometimes wrapped into other allegations and treatments plan. FYI - Case managers are not Investigators, so how can they know what the investigators are and are not investigating.
When children are placed in a home, every effort is made to ensure the safety of the child. But human nature is deceptive. Some times a shot out of left field happens and the department has to kick it into gear. YOU WANT QUALITY FOSTER HOMES - GET MORE PEOPLE TO APPLY FOR FOSTER PARENTS. The department relies on the communities to step up and volunteer but when there are not enough, the children suffer and mistakes happen.
I am not expecting to get a lot of support about this, as I am one of those with a target on my back. I would not change my job as it is what I am supposed to be doing.
TO get answer research the policies, research the laws, request information from the department but please do not jump to a conclusion. As the law requires "I cannot confirm or deny my involvement". "No Comment" - Just do it for your self.
Susie Q Public