So I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic; but I have considered attending AA meetings; just because it is more of a social habit to drink then anything else. But last night, I discovered this surprising secret nobody tells you about drinking when you get started which is (lean close, I'll whisper it in your ear,) "you can walk away from the party any time you aren't enjoying it anymore...!" Wow right? I guess I've always been one of those drinkers who assumed I'd get some sort of merit badge for drinking everyone else in the house under the table, and, as a result, over the years, I've done some really stupid things while drinking, including, but certainly not limited to: flashing my boobs at everyone, losing my virginity to this nut who yelled at me from bleeding on his sleeping bag (yeah, that guy was a winner,) ending up at detox, showing up to work with vomit on my sneakers, yelled at everyone at a punk party repeatedly about how drinking was "bullshit," while shit faced, trying to sleep on top of a washing machine at another party because I was so drunk, sleeping with my roommates' lover, sleeping with my best friend, spreading rumors about former friends of mine having TB, taking my passive-aggressive anger out on a three-legged dog named B (I repeatedly pulled her ears, I'm so sorry B), rather then talking to her owner about what was bothering me, basically, a lot of passive-aggressive anger issues come out when I'm drunk. I don't like that quality about myself.
Its funny, both of my sisters are sometimes mean drunks too...but they are less passive-aggressive when drunk and just get openly violent, especially my littlest sister Ruth. In real life, Ruth is the sweetest lady you could hope to meet; she rescues shelter cats, is a fourth-grade teacher, in the summer she nannies babies. But when she gets drunk, god have mercy! She learned at an early age that booze wasn't good for her; she's only 23 and already has vowed not to get drunk anymore...good thing, because back when she was fifteen, she was the sort of booze hound who attacked cops for fun (ok, so that happened once,) and seemed almost possessed when drinking. People would joke that you'd have to sit on her, literally hold her down, to keep her from attacking people. She was a mean, mean drunk....all 105 lbs of her...anyway, hats off to my little sister for having the self-control and knowledge of herself to know that she can't drink.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that drinking/problem drinking sort of runs in my family; I guess that Irish/Scot blood is to blame for that. We are not the sort of people who should be using any type of substance...it just doesn't bode well for us.
Um, so I was really proud of myself last night for deciding pretty early on that the party I was at was not what I wanted to be doing with my time; that I didn't actually want to get shit faced, that drinking, in fact, is actually pretty boring when it comes right down to it. the fun part of the night was dressing up with about ten punks and crashing the party; but once it was crashed, I felt ready to go home. Maybe I'm just getting old, but as I rode my bike home last night and composed a little piece of writing in my head about "soul erotica," (I might write that entry at a later date,) I felt really happy and proud that I did not a) get shit faced and b) attack anyone else for things that are mine to work on. these are major steps for me.
Maybe I will attend AA, just to see how it is.
Love ya,
Carrot
Yup, drinking is boring!
You spend your money and for what? A buzz? A headache the next day? That: the cat musta took a crap in my mouth while i was sleeping morning breath?
Fact is it has become popular to drink simply to get drunk.. Is it fun? Not really...dont remember much about it. Is it cool? Not really, unless you count waking up the next day and wondering who puked all over the bathroom! Is it cheap? Not really....in fact its downright expensive! Add in the cost of the booze, the cost to your health and self esteem, your mental well being...etc...etc.
Don't get me wrong.....there is nothing wrong with having a social drink with friends, or a drink with a meal! Suckin back a case of beer or a bottle of whiskey is a whole new ball game!
Why do people drink? Media? Television and movies have glamorized drinking. Genetics? Im Irish so I must drink? Peer pressure? C'mon be man suck it back...chug chug chug..yay!!!!!
I believe that one of the reason people drink so much nowdays is the fact that they have lost the ability to communicate in a social setting. What to talk about? What to do? Bunch of teenagers get together....hmmmm what do we say to each other? I know a couple glasses of liquid libation will loosen people up....if it only stopped at one or two.....
I have anxiety therefore if I do not take medication then drinking is essential at a party for me, but that really cancels itself out because I am a huge loner and avoid large groups of people if possiable because of my anxiety. I am very social don't get me wrong, but my anxiety overpowers it in groups. I am also scottish, irish, Czech, French, Native American, Dutch, German, Hungarian. Ok I could go on. Let's just say my family must have had alot of different tastes. I haven't drank in about 3 plus weeks. I rarely do. I am normally a happy drunk, but I have had alot of father issues lately ( I live with him for now) and his lack of effort and I will snap and go off on him so it is wise for me just to not touch it until I am in a happy calm state of mind. I have also had alot of stress (No money, no job, etc etc)
They have always stated that if you get a group of guys together in a room who have drank there will probably be a fight, but you get a group who smoked pot a fight will probably not occur. Of course pot is another subject and just not some people's cup of tea.
I am very proud of you for not drinking or limiting it at least. When I drink the only reason I use it is to go to sleep, but normally that doesn't work very well. Plus my stomach is sensitive so drinking will put me in agonizing pain for a few days sometimes. I was a big drinker when I was 13 to age 16, maybe that is why I don't like it so much now. Props to you for realizing it is boring! Plus your organs are probably thanking you because alcohol does not digest ( I am sure everyone knows that). Well here is your book! Sorry I found this interesting and could not stop talking.
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~
I was at a benefit party last night to benefit the mom of one of my former roommates who has kidney disease...and ironically enough, at a benefit for someone with kidney disease, everyone was getting smashed. I was proud that once again, I used self-control and just had the tiniest amount to drink...and I enjoyed the party sooooo much more then I ever do when I get drunk! It was awesome...(I have social-anxiety issues too, I feel ya DrifterDani,) so I practiced telling people things I normally would need a few drinks to talk about without the drinks...it was really an amazing experience...I felt really vulnerable at first, and then, to my amazement, the person I was talking with started really opening up as well...she said "I'm really shy and have a hard time really connecting with people..." and then she started telling me all of this amazing stuff about her life and her feelings/emotions, etc! I don't think I would have connected with her like that if I'd been drunk...because when I'm drunk I lack the concentration to really listen to another person...
I realized last night that the reason so many of us drink is because we never learn how to really connect well with other people in this culture...we are essentially taught social-anxiety because of the way our culture is structured. I was also talking with a man from Nepal last night and he was talking about how there really wasn't a drinking culture in Nepal because there didn't need to be, because people feel comfortable just dancing together or hugging or sharing deep soul-things with each other without booze...I saw that when I was in Africa as well, people are raised to be really close and warm and inviting without the use of booze to help them be less socially anxious.
so...interesting experiment last night...I'm realizing more and more that the more of myself I share with folks, the easier it is to feel less anxious and more love and acceptance...
Love ya,
Carrot