my appologies on the caps. I wasn't shouting, sometimes I don't wanna change it once I start writing(too much work! lol)now a few people had comments on my blog and told me that the best thing to do is to listen to your elders because they know whats best for you,but here's my problem. What if you can't get anybody to listen to you? Now i know some of you are saying, "you have someone to listen to you" and "you have to speak louder" or "you're just not talkiing to the right people" or whatever you're saying. Yea you're right, I do have both parents that i live with, yea I have 3 sisters and a "brother" I don't claim because we can't get along,but what if even they don't listen?
I'm the type of person who needs comfort when im going through a problem and changes. im not saying i need someone to pat me on the back and tell me evrything is gonna be alright. i just need another person to listen to me and IF needed give me their addvise on what and what not to do. i don't have that. i can't come home from school and talk to my sisters about what happened and who said something out the way. Their to busy having fun and chit chatting with their friends and eachother about their friends who happen to always be people that i don't know. lord knows i can't talk to my so called "brother" i can't stand him and we can't get along if our life and everbody else's depended on it.
i can try to talk to my parents. they'll listen,but they always think they know exactly what your going through and want to tell you what to do before you get your completed sentence out. im not saying that the information they give is useless although i never actually used it. but sometimes it's the solution to the wrong problem. so who else can i talk to? i konw my FRIENDS!!! oh yea! i forgot, I DON'T HAVE ANY!! A friend to me is a person you can talk to about your problems no matter what they may be and who they involve. your friend is sapposed to be real with you and not sugar coat everything to make you feel better. they giv you the ups and downs on the world around you ad your situation at hand.
Only thing is i don't have one of those.i mean people claim they wanna be your friend and yea they call you,but only when they need something or want what you have. so now who can i talk to? my loving boyfriend. he loves me so much,but his communication skills suck big time. yea i can talk to him just like i talk to anybody else, but is he listening? the purpose of this blog is to say that no matter how hard i try, i can't get anybody to listen to me when i really need it. maybe people at school don't talk to me because of my facial expression, which by the way is really terrible. thats just the wya i look when im not happy nor sad. i can't help that my neutral face looks like i have an attitude!! i honestly can't change that. the only way i can is if im actually happy.i can't walk around with a fake smile plastered on my face.
so the only way i can try to relieve myself of pain and stress is to write. i feel bad because i see people talking and laughing with their friends at school and im somwhere by myself. makes me feel out of place at a party when everyones dancing with another person and im in the corner alone.makes me feel out of place when my younger sisters get hit on while walking and im jus their protection, which i don't always have a problem with but it makes me feel as though im not atractive.i feel stupid when my sisters are at home or over their friends house laughing and talkin it up while i sit in front of them. no expression on my face,not saying a word because noone spoke a word to me, i feel out of place and bored so i go home and sleep. thats my daily life and i want it to change.what else can i do?
