Love Languages

A recently completed group project has brought me back around to this concept that was discussed in my social work interviewing class. This concept was introduced by a man named Dr. Gary Chapman and it touched on the different ways people show they express and receive affection. After the group project once again fell on my shoulders, I completed the required assignment and submitted it. Afterwards, several group members told me how I did such a great job and thanked for me "stepping up to the plate". To give you a better picture of the different love languages, here are the different personalities:

Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

How Do You Express/Receive Love and Affection?

Affirmation
- You like to be told what a good job you’re doing. You like praise and reassurance.
- Compliments and praise mean a lot to you.
- At the end of the day, the best thing that can happen is when someone tells you how much they appreciate and care about you.
- Words of encouragement motivate you to do better and you do the same in return to others. You are sensitive to non-verbal communication such as tone of voice.
- Harsh words or criticism hurt or upset you.
- Children who are “affirmation” cry easily when scolded and may be seen as “suck ups” because of the compliments they give to parents and teachers…

Service
- You like it when someone does things for you, like chores. It means so much to you if someone does the dishes, takes out the trash, has dinner waiting for you and makes your favorite meal…
- You appreciate it when others do what they say they are going to do and it upsets you when others do not do what they say they will do.
- You do tasks for others that you care about.
- Children who are “service” do their chores and are upset when others don’t. They like to do things like tie younger siblings shoes, get the baby dressed, clean the house... They like to be “helpers”.

Gift
- When you receive a gift or card from someone, it is important to you. Even small gifts such as a single rose, your favorite candy bar, a homemade poem….mean a lot to you.
- You enjoy the packaging of gifts.
- You get great pleasure in picking out and giving gifts to those you care about and their reaction is important to you.
- Children who are “gift” bring you worms, rocks, dandelions, draw you pictures…and they like their gifts displayed.

Touch
- At the end of a hard day, a hug is exactly what you need to keep you going.
- You like it when people pat you on the back, shake hands, high five and cuddle…and you do that to others you care about.
- Little children who are “touch” often wrestle, sit on adult’s laps, cuddle, hit, trip and like to sleep with others…

Time
- At the end of the day, you appreciate someone giving you one-on-one, undivided attention and talking/listening to you.
- You like eye contact and spending time with people you care about, even if there’s no conversation; just “hanging out”.
- Children who are “time” are often like a “shadow” to people they care about.

As somebody who corresponds most with the "service" personality, people giving me affirmation does not help and only annoys me. Instead of complimenting me, I would have been ecstatic if they all filled their end of the deal and actually posted their assigned parts of the paper when they said they were going to do it.

Anyway, I digress. These "Love Languages" have really made me realize that you have to be aware of your own language and the language of the people you are interacting with. Different types of people respond best to different ways of showing affection and to really be in sync with somebody, you each need to realize the other's "love language" and adjust to fit their needs.

Keep in mind this is just a brief overview of the brilliant Gary Chapman, so you can find out more about the Love Languages here:

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Which personality best fits you?