Since our visit in 1995, the correspondence has dwindled to nothing. We get annual letters from DeAnna’s stepmother filling us in the best she can. It seems that no one hears from DeAnna, not just me. What happened? Is she still afraid she will mess up my relationship with my adoptive parents; has she just forgotten to write to me or is it a mix of both? Whatever the case, I just want to know so I can quench my seemingly never-ending curiosity. I have so many questions that no one else can answer. Trying to make sense of this part of my life is somewhat like watching a movie on a horribly scratched disc. The scenes jump from one to another and I’m left trying to guess what happened in between. I can only assume that DeAnna has had a similar experience.
There are many things I want to tell DeAnna. I want to tell her that in spite of all my questions, adoption has been a good thing. I want her to know that there is no such thing as a perfect family. We all have to get up and do our best every day. We have had our share of ups and downs over the years, but as families go I would say we are pretty strong. I have never questioned whether my parents love me. I know that the crisis pregnancy center that DeAnna worked with encourages the girls to give much thought and prayer to deciding if adoption is the right answer for them and to choosing families for their babies if they do make an adoption plan. DeAnna has said that she knew immediately that my mom and dad were the right ones. I would tell her that she chose well and I am glad she trusted her instinct.
Sometimes I am disturbed by the annual updates that we get from DeAnna’s stepmother. I see a pattern. Year after year I hear about broken families, alcohol problems and depression. I makes me sad. In a way though is gives me a renewed perspective and appreciation for what DeAnna did for me. She has said all along that she wanted me to have a stable family and two parents; something that she never had and knew she couldn’t give me herself. If I could take DeAnna on a road trip I would tell her that I love her.
I would talk to DeAnna about school. I don’t know if it is fair to say that I like school, but I do love to learn. I know that DeAnna and I share a love of reading. I read all the time. I would talk to her about college. I am really excited about going to college in the fall. In one letter DeAnna mentioned that perhaps she should have gone to college instead of joining the Army. I wonder what she would have studied.
I would tell DeAnna how scared I was when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was afraid she would die and I would lose “another mom.” I would tell her about how we all pulled together and kept things going. I learned to cook meals – not just the stuff we fix on scout campouts. It was a wake-up call and it forced me to grow up a little. All in all I think we came out of it stronger than when we started. I never got to meet my mom’s dad, but I’m told he used to say, “If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger.” I bet DeAnna could relate to that...
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