I am not a feminist. Let's get that out in the open. I have friends who are and they constantly preach about how I should be one. I just don't believe in it. I have no objections to those who are and I'm in no way trying to force my opinion on anyone. Thats just it though. It is a personal opinion. It varies from person to person and I am 100% against having my opinion spoon fed to me. I am constantly being berated for my opinion that a woman belongs in the home if she wishes, and honestly, I'm sick of it.
I am completely grateful to the feminists of the past for all the work they have done. The vote is one of the most important accomplishments and milestones for women. I thank them for their crusading to get women out of the kitchen and into the workforce. I commend them for demanding rights, protection and overall equality.
Their work has made it possible for women to have a job, or choose not to. I am so sick of having my choice be looked down upon. I have a friend who is a self-proclaimed feminist. She knows that I want to be a stay at home mom. The other day, she looked at me and said "You are just going to be subserviant to your husband. You are going to get pushed around for the rest of your life." Now to me, that is 100% offensive. I laughed it off like, oh yeah, you know me. I love that subserviance. But on the inside I was furious. Feminists crusaded for the rights of women, which I thought were equivalent to all the freedoms that a man could have and I'm pretty sure that men have a whole lot of choice in this society.
A man doesn't have to go to work. He can stay at home if he wants. There are plenty of men who are stay at home dads. It is a man's choice. Why, if we are equal, do I not have the choice to be a stay at home mom? I mean, I do have the choice, but it is always regarded in such a negative way. The feminists I'm friends with look down on me because I want to be there for my family; I want to be at home if anything happens, if they need me, I want them to be able to reach me. I want to make them cookies and have dinner ready when they get home.
I think that a mom is a full-time job. Just because it doesn't earn a salary doesn't mean that it isn't hard work. I dont personally need to earn an income to feel validated as a human being. I don't believe that women should have to work if they don't want to. Now, from an economical standpoint, I might have to work. I'm ok with that. I'll work until I can stop or until I have kids. I will be at home with my children while they are young. I've been staying at home by myself since I was 8 and before that I constantly had a babysitter. It broke my mom's heart, but she had to work 24-7 and I rarely saw her. I will not subject my family to that. What is wrong with that standpoint? I dont think anything is, but apparently, it's "setting the movement back."
Men and women are not equal in every other way, so why do we have to be equal in this way? In gym class, boys always had to do way more than girls to get an A. Feminists crusading for equality, I ask you, do you really think you can do 10 extra pull ups or another mile in ten seconds to get the A you would get for doing 2 pull ups and a half mile? There are physiological differences between men and women that impede on some types of physical activity. That is a fact. While some girls and women overcome that, many find it difficult. Why does having two X chromosomes mean that I must try to compete and be equal with someone who obviously has a completely different genetic makeup?
I love being a girl. I love clothes and shopping and music and boys and all of that other stuff that a stereotypical girl is supposed to like. I love getting to vote and getting equal treatment before the law. The first feminist made a choice to crusade for the vote and equality. So then why can't I have a choice?
From the clock on my oven, I can tell what time it is. It is time for feminists to wake up and realize that feminism is about freedom. With that freedom comes freedom of choice, and any choice being made should not be looked down upon. Choice is what feminism was built on. I choose to go back to the kitchen. Who's with me?
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I totally agree with you. It's all about having a choice. Speaking from personal experience of not having a reliable "mom" figure to look up to as I was growing up, I know probably more than anyone how important a mother-child bond is, because frankly, I didnt have one.
I love the fact that we live in this country and that the women before us have paved the way to have the same opportunities, no matter our gender or race. but "opportunity" and "equality" mean different things to everyone. To me, what it should mean is what you said. It should mean that we should have a choice to either stay at home or have a job.
Personally, I plan on having a career in addition to my family, but my fiance and I have agreed that when we do decide to have children, I'm going to take a few years off to raise our children, so they can have the type of bond that I didn't have growing up.
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Stephen Colbert: Enemy of the Democrat?
You have a good point, although I disagree with some small bits of it... But since that's personal and I'm biased I won't go there. My mother's a stay-at-home mom, she's a great housewife. She and my father are an inseperable and unbelieveably strong unit, and I think that that's how it should be.
I also believe that if one wants to be treated as a man, they have to act like one; if one wants to be treated like a woman, they have to act like a woman. It's choice, but there should also be responsibility to that choice.
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~ Raven
"I don't care" ....
is a serious misreading of my attitude.
For starters, if your so-called friend is so blinded by her ideological sentiment that she cannot understand your feelings about something that is obviously important to you, I'd suggest you reconsider the significance of that relationship. When it comes to your actions and beliefs, remember the words of Dr. Seuss: Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
In any event, I agree that the feminist movement is flawed and biased. In fact I've blogged about this in the past. That said, I do have a caveat:
A man doesn't have to go to work. He can stay at home if he wants. There are plenty of men who are stay at home dads. It is a man's choice.
Sure it's a man's choice as much as it is a woman's choice, but stay-at-home dads and house-husbands receive as much (if not more) criticism of that choice from their employed same-gender counterparts as do stay-at-home moms. So perhaps the problem lies not so much in gender-bias as capitalist-consumerism bias. That is to say perhaps the contempt stems from the fact that stay-at-homes are not viewed by the larger society as "productive" since they do not earn money. Just food for thought.
/jkh
I agree with your statement that men and women should be allowed to have children and stay home if they want. We're all allowed to pursue happiness, right? But I'm not with you on that "back to the kitchen" thing. I'll be a lawyer, you raise your family. Sound fair?
~Violinstef