Happiness is attainable in unexpected places

Before I get to my post, I just wanted to say that I had a dream about progressiveu last night. That might not be good.

Anyhow, last night I was feeling really depressed. I often feel this way, but not quite to the extent of last night. Those episodes are saved for more rare occassions I suppose. I sat here wondering if I could ever be happy. Not happy in the sense that I have control over something which is what I often equate happiness with (i.e control over my eating, control over my grades) There are, of course, moments, or occassions when I feel happy, but sometimes I am so shocked at the emotion presenting itself, that I spend the entire time trying to understand what it feels like, trying to make sure that I will remember it perfectly in case the occassion does not arise again.

But last night, a friend brought to my attention that happiness does not need to be found in control, or even in moments spent with other people. It seemed impossible, as I feel like I have always relied on other people's happiness to obtain my own. I suppose I could compare myself to a parasite in this way, which really, is a depressing thought itself. The more I contemplated her proposition, however, the more I realized that it is true.

When someone smiles at me while I'm walking to my car, that makes my day. It is so small, and is such a fleeting moment, but it make me feel good. When someone holds the door open for me, even though I'm far enough away that they don't have to hold it, that makes a difference. When I walk into Starbucks and the barista starts talking about indie rock with me, well, that makes my day beyond happy. Just watching the people come and go into Starbucks makes me happy, because often times they are in cheerful moods. They are getting coffee after all, what's not to be happy about? When someone tells me they like my outfit, that makes my day. There are so many little things that can make my day. It doesn't make the negative go away, but it makes it easier, and it gives me strength to get through the day. I forget about that sometimes. I'm going to smile at others more often because you never know what it will mean to them. I know that sounds cliche, and probably a little lame, but it's true. It's that momentary connection with someone else, that warmth that is perceived in the lines of their face, that reminds me things are not all bad. There is, at least one, small reason to keep on trucking.

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