I just need to write this to get it off my chest:
Life comes with its ups and downs and I am so sure of it that in two years all the problems that seem never ending to me right now, will be so mundane then. but quite frankly, I'm living in today and not the future, so I must deal with it before I can ever be able to move on.
In October of last year I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and 3 months because he told me a rude comment and i decided to teach him a lesson. He said AND I QUOTE " Do you know how when boyfriends don't listen to their girlfriends the girlfriend feels unloved?" to this i respond " yes" but since we had been fighting for the past two weeks i was obviosuly expecting some kind of B.S. to fly out of his mouth...he continues ' well when a girlfriend doesn't do sexual things with her boyfriend, the boyfriend feels unloved". The next week was my homecoming, I took him as my date and broke up with him the day after to show him what being unloved really felt like( Yes i know uber-bitchy thing to do)
A few weeks later i met a boy who I went to school with and we began to talk and began to like each other, but this is where times got confusing in my life. My ex had my senior pictures, and I'm not alking the little wallet sized ones, no he has an 8'10 that i did not want him to rip or throw away, I wanted to give it to a family member. So I knew I had to see him again. I still had feelings for him though, even though I liked another kid in my school
Ever since boys came into my life I was always able to seperate school life from love life. I never dated a boy I went to school with until recently. But in January I had to come to a decision. Be with a boy in school and have a good rest of the senior year with a boy I like. Or be with a kid outside of school who i like as well and have a sucky rest of senior year because I had already become to close to the boy in my school and to his friends that FOR SURE there would have been hard feelings. I decided to go with the boy in my school.
The boy outside of school was a great boy. yes he said some rather piggish commenst but he came from a great family, great grades, my family loved him. I never stopped loving or caring for him though. My best friend went to his school and always told me about him even after we broke up and how he had a thing going on with the most popular girl in the school and I was happy for him. I wanted him to do better than me. She also told me how that girl was his prom date and she completly abandoned him. I felt sorry for him. Now he is with some chonga (and for those of you who don't know, its a rather long explanation, but for the most part, its a trashy, reffy girl) and i just think why, but I'm sure she is a pretty nice girl, I hope for his sake.
I look at his profile at least once a week. Yes, I really do miss him and I feel utterly lost. I cannot turn to my family because they love my current boyfriend. i cannot turn to friends because they love him too. I have no neutral person in my life. I am at a loss of what to do. I know I should not live without regret, but unfortunatly its easier said than done. Even if I were to break it off with the boy I am currently with, what good would it do. The boy who I love is with another girl and he seems happy. And even if I were to get him, there would be so much history, both negatove and positive, and so much awkwardness between him and his family that I wouldn't even know where to begin.
