Selfish volunteering

I’ve always liked volunteering. Call me selfish but I like how it makes me feel. I know that it looks good on a resume and that it is the right thing to do but I like how helping makes me feel and how seeing what I do makes a difference makes me feel. When I received an assignment for one of my classes, though, saying that I had to volunteer for a certain number of hours, I was actually concerned for a moment. I was working, going to school, running a household, tutoring, taking care of children who were needing a caring person in their lives, doing my part with my in-laws (who can’t do a number of things on their own), checking in on an older woman that used to be my neighbor who has no one else in the area, and still attempting to sleep somewhere in between. Where was I going to fit in another project? After racking my brain and discussing it with the woman that I tutor, I realized I already had my volunteer project. The tutoring itself. I just hadn’t realized it because I hadn’t gone out of my way to help someone, instead I had just done what I felt was the right thing and what came automatic.

I’ve always been really good with numbers so taking Algebra this semester didn’t even worry me. I did the work required in almost no time and than was allowed to leave as soon as I finished. Our first test was announced and I didn’t give it a second thought and had basically forgotten about it by the time that day came for us to take it. Another person in the class arrived early like I did and so our teacher allowed us to begin early. She was as stressed about it as I was unworried about it. When our tests came back to us the next class, we were supposed to go through the pile on her desk and pick up both our tests and our answer sheets. Some how I ended up with my test and the other early students answer sheet. While trying to figure out why I had two different grades, she was searching trying to find her answer sheet. Once I realized the mistake, we corrected it and than started comparing answers. She wanted to know how she had gotten them wrong and so a conversation began. By the time our class actually began, we had already set up a time and place to meet. As I walked out after class, I told her that one way or another she was going to get at least a B out of that class.

We spent as much time as possible working together over the next couple weeks. She would call my cell phone if she had problems with homework at home. We came up with ways for her to calm down and not stress so much over the tests themselves. We laughed and figured and she got it. Her first test grade was just barely a D (she came very close to failing) and we just had another test recently. I finished mine earlier than she did so I was elsewhere when she finished. Our teacher grades our tests right in front of us if we want to know our grades right away so when I ran into her later that afternoon I knew we would know where it all sat.

I waited and I paced for awhile that day. I had never been so mad at myself for finishing so quickly. Before the test started she had told me she felt more ready but I was still worried. Than I saw her outside and walked out. Finally I would know how it went. When she came running at me grinning from ear to ear I knew! She had done better! I was not quite prepared for how well she actually did though. She received a 97 and we were celebrating!

It’s that moment when the goal is reached or at least finally in view that I love. That is the reason that volunteering and helping is important to me. When teaching or tutoring, it’s the moment of understanding. When working with those who have been abused and emotionally broken it’s the moment that hope seeps back into their eyes. When working with the elderly its when you see the spark of life return to their eyes instead of just the grey walls of the nursing home reflecting back at you from their depths. That is why I do some of what I do.

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