I love being a foster parent. My foster daughter, Gongli, is great. Right now she is sitting across the desk from me pretending that the stapler is a telephone. Oh to be a kid again... And this is exactly how I feel. The other crap I usually worry about is gone and now my mornings are filled with oatmeal and Dora the Explorer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not fond of waking up early and stinky diapers, but Gongli is awesome. The coolest thing is her baby Chinese talk. The baby sign language is a trip as well.
On a less happy note, I'm disappointed in the system that somehow labeled this child as unwanted. Her left leg is quite a bit shorter than her right. That's all. When I first met her and she was crawling on the floor, her legs were covered up. I imagined the worst since her parents abandoned her. Her legs must look really bad to be left to be considered an unbearable burden. No. She has the cutest baby feet ever. She's a kid like any other. Currently, she's throwing papers off the desk and building a tower out of office supplies. I now understand that not all parents simply get rid of imperfect children, but that some feel they don't have the resources to care for a child with a disability.
The most disheartening bit is that many coworkers are dumbfounded as to why a foreign couple would want to adopt a Chinese baby with a shorter leg. The one baby is supposed to be perfect after all. It's rough, but many of my students that come to have lessons at my place have been so sweet. One student asked if Gongli knows that she is different. I told him that I don't think she does, but maybe soon she will. I also said that I hope that people don't make fun of her and he replied, "That would make her sad..." So some people get it and that's what matters at the end of the day when I tuck her in. If there are people out there who care, then she has the chance at a great life.
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is that her in the user pic? She is adorable! :-)
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Some mistakes can't be undone/ it'll never be like it was/ and wishing for it only makes it worse
Rocky Votolato
This is indeed her inhaling a roll.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I believe that would be her in the picture. She is soooo adorable! I wish i could express it better but it is kind of hard to online. That is such a stupid reason to not want a child.
She is gorgous and sounds so sweet, she is going to be a beautiful women when she grows up (although already cute now) and get all the guys and the people who did not want her are going to be pissed because you will have such a beautiful child that they neglected to experience! :)
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
She sounds like a real sweety!!
I'm glad you are having this great experience. She's lucky to be with someone like you who sees her as a wonderful child, rather than someone who's different or not as good as others.
When I was in high school my parents decided to become foster parents for babies and toddlers. It was awesome!! I loved caring for and interacting with those amazing little people. Kids are great!
With the Chinese "one baby" policy are families still selecting against baby girls?
I've read that was the case for many years to the point where there is a serious in-balance between young men and young women.
I would think that this in-balance would cause girls to be more valued by parents and society. I'm interested in your impressions.
It's still a problem, from my understanding... I don't live in China, but I live in Japan where people are very concerned about and aware of China.
A study conducted in 2004 suggested that there are about 120 boys to every 100 girls in China, and the difference is expected to increase.
I'm sure boys are still prefered overall as to have an heir, but little girls are adored as angels too. I don't notice an inbalance myself. My classes actually tend to have a slight majority of girls. I'm thinking the guys might not be that into English class though.
The other thing is that many are finding ways around the one child policy. Many of my students have siblings. They come from well-off families that can afford the high fine inforced for a second or even third child.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I don't agree with the really coercive aspects of China's one baby policy. I have read about forced abortions and that is beyond extreme.
But I think given their horrible population problem, that financial discincentives, including fines, are perfectly reasonable.
I also don't have too much trouble with a system that allows people who can afford to feed their children to have more children. I find it somewhat preferable to the perverse incentives in our welfare system that encourages the woment who can LEAST afford to care for their children to have more children.
The population PROBLEM is immense. It's cheap to live in China, less than a dollar a day, but the sheer expanse of people in the cities creates major consequences for their culture and their environment. It's a dog eat dog world here sometimes.
So charging rich families to have more kids to totally fine by me. We had dinner with a well-off family with three kids tonight and their life together is great.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
Our system seems more backward the way people are encouraged to have children...
When I was in community college, I'll never forget how a dad of several kids stood up in the student lounge and said "Have kids y'all, then you can go to school for free..."
I thought, what a crazy reason for having children! But I've heard that a few times from really poor people...that the solution is to have more children, so they can get maxium welfare/food stamp benefits...
I once even had a woman at Goodwill's job placement center tell me to "get into foster care for the monitory benefits..."
I thought...are you kidding me! Here I am coming to you telling you I really need a job and that I'm financially unstable and you are telling me to foster some kids to make money! First of all, the money given to you is suppost to be for the kids, not to support the person doing the fostering! Anyway...she wasn't very helpful so I found my own job..
Love ya,
Carrot
My partner would like me to ask what happens to children who have "imperfections" that aren't noticed right at birth, like deafness, learning disabilities, and mental illness? Are those kids abandoned at school age? Is the pressure for a perfect heir that intense that people could abandon a child for whom they've cared for several years? Or is it just babies?
I would like to ask about the adoption process...what does it cost? Will they adopt to same-sex couples? Or to single people (who don't tell them they have a same sex partner back home)?
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
This means I don't know. I'm sorry, but I don't know any answers to your questions and I'm not sure whether or not the government accepts adoptions by same sex couples. The government highly regulates outside adoptions. It's a tough process. This is precisely why we're taking care of Gongli since her adoptive parents are making the final arrangements in the next couple months to come and pick her up. I know exactly who to ask though and I'll find out about everything, especially whether or not older children with less obvious "imperfections" are given up.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
As it turns out, we can no longer adopt from China. My partner has talked about it for years, but the rules changed last year. They now require legally married couples together more than three years. No single persons. No one with a body mass index of 40 or more (that's not us...it's just one of the requirements). Prospective parents of babies under one must be between 30 and 42, and no one may be under care for any psychiatric illness, including depression and anxiety. Couples must have a net worth of $80,000 and an income of at least $10,000 per person in the household, including the child. No one in a wheelchair may adopt.
While it doesn't specifically say no same sex couples, we are not allowed to get married here, so it's a no go. I wonder if they'd let us if we were married in Canada? More research!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I wish I could say that there's a way you could get around some of the rules, but the rules have become so strict that it is hard for anyone to adopt from China.
My friend said this morning that indeed China changed the requirements last May and single people can no longer adopt. She suggested that you try Ethiopia or Guatemala.
As for the older kids being abandoned, it does happen kinda often in our province, Henan, especially since it is the poorest and has the highest population. The 3 or 4 year old children left at markets or hospitals remember their parents. The situation is usually that the mom gets pregnant again and decides to keep the second child instead of the first one with a disability.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
That is so heartbreaking!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Some parents don't want to ditch their kid but they just don't see a way for them to give the child a decent life. If the parents, don't want them or can't take care of them, someone else will, somewhere.
I'm sick of being shocked and heartbroken by the way things go down around the World. If my heart is broken enough, I'm going to do something about it.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I'm glad heartbreak is motivating you to action, rather then inaction! I think some people feel overwhelmed by the problems of this world, and get depressed, but once you start doing things about problems you see, you start feeling a sense of hope. Or at least, this is what gives me hope!
Love ya,
Carrot
It's so nice to hear good adoption stories after reading a book like "A Child Called It".
My only issue with adopting a child of another nationality is potential confusion. How to let the little one know that she is different from Mom and Dad but still the same? How to avoid nasty children making ignorant remarks?
I've wondered about what my future may hold and whether I'd adopt a child. I think I'd like to, because there just aren't enough adopting families out there. These children need loving people to care for them. I'm glad you were one of them.
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
I'm not so in favor of adoption these days to be quite honest. I'd rather help a country to change things so that biological parents can take care of their children. That's a tall order, but in the mean time, I still think it's good to adopt. If you have even the slightest desire to adopt, please do it. I will adopt children in the future. I'm not sure how many or if I will have a child of my own, but I will definitely adopt.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina