First I will start by saying that I am not suicidal.
Now that that is clear. Have you ever thought about what it would be like if something happened to your parents? Or losing someone really close? Wouldn't it just be easier to die first so you wouldn't have to suffer such horrible pain?
Or have you ever wondered how other people would feel if you did die? I'm sure we have all been in fights (not physical) with our boyfriend/girlfriend. I have and sometimes I wonder... How would he feel if something happened to me? I try not to say on this track often because like I said above it's sounds somewhat suicidal and that is far from what I am.
I honestly can say that I am scared of death. Not neccasarily my own but of my loved ones. I am scared to live without them. I don't know how I will handle it and sometimes I feel as if I went first I wouldn't have to do so. I know in the long run when you lose someone it only makes you stronger but I have yet to lose someone in my family or someone REALLY close to me.
Several of my blogs have been about one of my friends at my old school getting in a car accident and killing him. Even though I didn't know him very well I still cried and felt very emotioinal at times. All I can say is that it is normal to feel pain when you lose someone.
i just wanted to share this with others to see if anyone happened to ever feel the same way so I know i am normal.
It is normal to feel things like that, from what I've experienced with my friends. The reason I have to phrase it this way is because I'm not normal. I don't feel emotions like others do. In fact, I don't really feel at all. This is NOT normal.
I consider you lucky as well. Feeling emotions can mean that your life is better because you can experience all of life.
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You can't ignore me, for I'll not lie down quietly.
http://insanitek.net
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When my brother died I thought that I would actually be better off dead. That was major depression. Now that I am over that, though, I am slightly preoccupied with keeping everyone near me alive. It was so horrible to lose my brother...I don't want to have to go through it again, ever. I know I don't have control over it, but I think about it. Like, whenever my partner leaves the house, I HAVE to tell her to drive safely. I feel like the day I forget to say it will be the day she dies in a terrible accident, and it will be my fault for not reminding her to stay safe. I don't REALLY think that, but it makes me worry less when I send her off with good wishes.
Do I think it would be better to die first? No. Because I know how awful it is to lose someone. I wouldn't want to put anyone through that.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
My (now ex) boyfriend used to tell me that he had better die before me, because he wouldn't know what he would do without me. And then his family goes and dies on him.
It's not pleasant. I didn't even know the family members of his that died. I had spoken to his sister two or three times in short intervals, but she knew next to nothing about me, except that fact that her brother was obsessed. Yet when they died, I cried and cried. I've thought about what it would be like to lose a member of my own family, and I just can't fathom it. I thought a few years ago that my grandma had died (my mom said Grandma P had died... she meant her grandmother, my great-grandmother, but I thought she meant my grandmother). I cried for hours when I heard that.
Would I want to die first? No. You aren't human if you don't experience all that pain and loss, and I know that there's some purpose in them dying. I'm afraid of what would happen to my family and friends if I were to fall ill or die, and I don't want them to have to go through that.
~C
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Enough said
Rebecca