In my opinion, Trust is underrated and taken for granted. For me, trust is a fairy tale; something I'll only dream about in my life, some shining star so out of reach that I can only look at it in awe and disbelief. Trust has been a big issue for me, even as a child. My lack of trust in others, in man kind, has made me very withdrawn and anti-social. I look at the faces on the street and consider each one to be a mask, every word to be a lie, and I'm simply the fool caught in the middle.
It's such a contradiction; not speaking for fear of a painful outcome when each word i dare not say is slung onto my back and drags me down. My mind is poisoned with pessimism and bad memories. I feel that I can only speak to strangers with honesty about myself and about the thoughts that fill my head. Everyone else is smothered with my fake smiles and meaningless words. Ironically, I become the thing I am most paranoid about; fakers.
This is why trust is so important; With trust comes personal freedom and confidence. A person doesn't feel so alone, he or she feels more able to be the person that he or she wants to be. The world is such a lonely place, everyone needs something to depend on. Unfortunately, I find myself depending on middle-aged men and woman with pens, notebooks, and prescriptions for medication. They listen to me talk about silly problems and take occasional notes. So far, I can't really be sure whether it's helping me at all to be analyzed by these people in a place with bars on the windows.
Right now, I can't really be sure of anything, I just know that to end up anywhere, I need to start somewhere. There is always uncertainty, there are always risks, and we must learn to accept that. Trust might simply be the acceptance that things are not perfect and never will be. Trust might be believing that a person will help you through the rough times?
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Was this supposed to sound poetic? Just curious.
nah...just my thoughts lol
Do you remember something traumatic that might have happened to you?
I will explain a little about myself to explain my question. Right now, I have serious trust issues, mostly with women. I feel women are manipulative, lying, malicious, and above all they play games that I just want to hit them for trying. I haven't had it much better with men, I've had boyfriends hit me, but they didn't lie (no I didn't stay with them, but it's a different sort of trust you lose to be lied to than to be hit).
What I've grown to discover is that my mother lied to me my entire life. After being told my father was dead, I found out at age 21 that he was alive and well. Trying to find out everything, I went to meet him. He showed me old plane tickets that were unrefundable that he'd bought in my name I never received and old check stubs from the Army (which is how I found him, through the Army) where they took his childsupport out every check, $384 twice a month that I never saw. He showed me presents sitting in a shrine of a bedroom that had been sent to me and returned. Everything that showed me he had tried getting in touch with me, and pictures of me when I was little sitting in his lap pretending to read his chemistry books while he was studying for school. I was two when they divorced, I don't remember any of those things. All I had ever been told was he died somewhere in Germany (where I was born).
I didn't speak to my mother for over 8 years, we are only now just starting to talk again and that's because I got audited and was sued because she was still claiming me on her taxes! I've been out of the house since I was 15, I'm nearly thirty now and she was still trying to claim me as a dependent when I was 24. I won my case, and in one good thing, it forced us to reestablish communications. Will I trust her ever again, doubtfully.
But anyway, this isn't overly traumatic as far as physical abuse or things along those lines. But it was enough to completely destroy my trust in women. Women cannot even stand together on so many issues and yet will complain that women's lib isn't working as much as they want it to. I still have a hard time making female friends, which is weird because I'm one of those wives who enjoys cooking and sewing and trading recipes. I find the ones I can talk to most easily, believe it or not, are the outspoken, blunt women who normally don't find friendship in other women either. Part of this is because in my experience, those are the women who don't take advantage of the systems, and actually attempt to educate themselves on things, and I admire that.
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"Dream as though you'll live forever, but live as though there's no tomorrow" --James Dean
http://www.progressiveu.org/user/fanaile-drupal-org
I also have a hard time trusting people. For me it's because of my dad I think. I just can't trust males as easily as females. If I get too close to a male I get scared. Because my dad's a wife beater. And children who have witnessed this are 74% more likely to be victims of domestic violence in the future. So I'm scared that I may make the wrong decision and date an abusive guy. For me it's easier to be wary of people than to trust them, because I'm so scared of being hurt, or having a future like my mother's.