OKay, so a while back me and my ex girlfriend broke up. I was in 10th grade at the time. I felt that I really loved her. Seriously I did. She meant everything to me. I felt that nothing in the world was worth more than her. She was my everything. I did everything in my own power to helper with school, drama, stopping rumors. And all she did was punch me in the face, by breaking up to me. I felt that nothing in the world could come between us. But apparently something did. Til this day, I don't even know why she broke up with me. I think some of the reason she broke up with me was because I was a cutter, and I smoke cigarette. But I don't know. She always told me that I was the best girlfriend she ever had. In my opinion I think that she was afraid if the lesbian relationship. It took me a year and a half to get over her. After the break up we became best friends. We were always around each other.
Lately I've been feeling angry at her. I've been ignoring her. And I don't know. It's weird. This is something I posted on a myspace blog.."It took me a long time to get over her. And now that I'm over her, i don't ever want to get back with her. She had her chance. I moved on. It's what she wanted...for me to move on. And now that I did...she better not ever want to get back with me. She hurt me so bad she doesn't even know. And she never will understand why I felt the way I did. And why I was hurt so bad. But wait, she wasn't even hurt. She just sat back and enjoyed me cry in pain. oh yeah, and moved on a week after she broked up with me. Oh joy...That hurt. But yeah...I'm over her..NO more room for her."
I wrote that yesterday, and as I read it...I realize that I am really hurt. I don't know. Could it be that I still have feelings for her?? Why might I be so angry with her??
I understand what you mean, even we girls can't understand girls sometimes.
I'm sorry that this had to happen to you, manipulation and rejection by someone you love is unbearably painful, it took me months to get over a girl I wasn't even dating. Anger is just a step of separation, just like grief, longing, and false hope. I'm sure she meant a lot to you, and though a stranger I hope to console you the best I can, but from the sound of it she treated you very poorly and doesn't deserve you. Laughing at your pain is just cruel, no matter what the circumstance, and not the mark of a trustworthy person. I know it's hard, but try and put her from your mind. My knowledge on these matters is limited, but I'm sure that after some time, even a long time, the pain will fade and you can get on with your life. It's fine to ignore her if it will help. Just concentrate on making yourself feel better (though, as you've mentioned cutting, I need to suggest you refrain from that, like I tell all my friends). Chocolate-chip cookie dough ice-cream works wonders.
As a stranger and an empathizer, I hope the best for you. There are better girls out there, ones suited to you. Do what you need to do to get over this struggle, but know that these things do pass, you just have to wait for it. I send you hugs and good vibes over the internet and hope you feel better soon.
"Men have called me mad but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence" -Edgar Allen Poe
Thank you so much for that comment. It meant a lot to me.
I feel that love sucks. And though tomorrow is Vday, I feel that nothing in this would will make me like it. I hate Vday. I hate that all these happy people are happy in a relationship.. And me...I'm struggling to get over it.
I don't know. Love sucks
Krystella, 17 years old.
shortstella@gmail.com
You may think that you still have feelings for her but maybe you just miss the memories of her. From time to time I think about my ex and I miss him terribly (I've moved on and I have a new boyfriend) and it hurts so much. I still get jealous of other girls with him but I know I shouldn't and I have no right to anymore. Those feelings for her are always gonna be there no matter what just because it was so strong and immense before.
I wish the best for you too. Like I said before, there's always something better out there for you.
I feel that I do love her still. But I also feel that I hate her. I feel more hate towards her because of what she's done. But I guess that's normal. right?? Same here, I get jealous when I see guys hang all over her. It irritates me. But I also know that she thinks she "all that." Meaning that she won't ever talk about sex, drugs, alcohol, depression..because she feels that it's all stupid. And she expects me to not talk about any of that. And when I do talk about one of those topics, she tells me i'm trying to be cool. When really i'm not..I'm just being a teenager. I have a right to talk about anything I want. Freedom of Speech.
Krystella, 17 years old.
shortstella@gmail.com