I looked out of my rearview mirror, driving to college that first day, and I realized that a lot of things were about to change. My life was so easy before that day and suddenly everything had come crashing down around me. I no longer had my friends, my family, or even my boyfriend to be there for me to hide behind. I had to come out of my shell or I would inevitably fail.
It was a cool August day (VERY strange for Texas, let me tell you) when I pulled out of the driveway. My friends all went to different colleges than me, each pursing a different life goal from mine. My boyfriend decided to go to school out of state, and having left a few days ago, I was absolutely devastated about that. Not to mention the stress about being thrust into a completely new environment. It was going to be a new experience living on my own and relying on myself.
I think that absolute hardest thing I've ever done was, in fact, letting my boyfriend leave. I really have to include that in the story, because if he hadn't left me, I wouldn't be where I am today. The entire day before he left was us crying together, uncontrollably, at his ranch. I seriously have never heard myself, nor him, cry quite like that... a body-wrenching, tears flying kind of cry. You can't imagine until you've experienced, let me tell you. Anyway, my boyfriend and I then went to our favorite restaurant for dinner, Souper Salad. It was good, but I couldn't think about anything but him leaving in less than 24 hours. I looked at his blue eyes, his strong arms, and his kind smile and thought that I wouldn't see him for 5 weeks after this. Well, the night FLYS by, of course, and it's time for goodbye. I was crying harder than I ever had in my entire life, worse than in the afternoon, and he was trying to hold himself together so he could walk out of my door, and I feared out of my life forever. So he took several deep breaths, said "I love you" and shut the door. I collapsed on the floor, all my strength having left me with his departure, and I cried inconsolably for about an hour.
After that night, however, I began to cheer up, because school was starting in a couple weeks. We had made it through that night, I figured, so it was gonna be okay. Then, it came time to pack up for school. It was much harder than I had expected. I thought I would have not problem leaving my family, I was moving on to a differnt thing, and it was exciting. However, it was not like that. My family is my rock, my life, and my joy. I couldn't just pick up and leave them! But I had to. So I, too, took a deep breath or two and crying, of course, walked out of the front door towards my future.
Coming to college was probably the most frightening situation I've ever been in. I chose to attend a college where I knew no one, expecting to make amazing, lifetime friends the second I stepped on campus, but it is NOT like that. I am slightly shy, but for some reason, it didn't hit me that I would have to come out of my shell to get to know people. So when I met my now friends, I wasn't all that friendly. After a few days with minimal interaction with people, I had a major realization. THIS IS COLLEGE! It sounds stupid, but really it is college- and in college, it doesn't matter who's got money, who's smarter, who was more popular. It only matters who you are HERE. It was the most comforting empiphany, and probably the most important one of my life. I could change who I was in high school- I could just BE ME!
By realizing I could just live my life the way I wanted, I instantly came out of my shell. Life was instantly more beautiful, and SO MUCH pressure was lifted from my shoulders. Everything is possible through one-God, and two-being yourself, for me. So everything just began to fall into place. School wasn't (too) hard, I began to make friends, and it was so much easier without my boyfriend.
Today, I've been at college for a month or so, and things are going good. I still haven't had that AMAZING college experience that most people talk about, but things are just.... good. And, for me, that's okay. I may end up transferring next year, but my personality has been expanded and stretched so much at my college right now, that I will never forget my experience coming here.
Leave me message if you've had this happen to you too!
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I am hoping to transfer to a different college next semester because I hate living at home and commuting, and I find it facnating to read about everyone's perceptions of actually living on campus and having that whole college experience I feel that I am currently missing out on. I really enjoyed reading that, I hope the rest of your year continues to go well.
Ah, I'm glad you're having fun. Saying goodbye is hard but we all have different things to learn and our paths are quite different. You'll learn many more things that will make you sad, happy and angry. But you'll get through it. Good luck and keep your chin up. You're doing great!