and then?

I’m trying to be patient because someone said its a virtue. Not one of mine. I hate waiting. I think its safe to say that I’m waiting for deliverance, but I don’t know what form it will come in and that makes me crazy. I'm in love... with a stripper. ha ha. not really. I am in love though. With... THE ex. Ex is such an awful word, especially when you love someone. and you don't want them to be the ex anything of your life. And I say THE ex because I feel like he's THE one. He's been having a lot of family issues lately, sickness and death and the like and I know he hasn't had very good experiences with girls in the past; he feels like if he really lets people get close to him, he'll just get hurt. So we kind of had a fight, but it wasn't really a fight. I don't know. But I guess he decided that our relationship was most likely going to end like all the others and he wanted out before the boat sank. He said, with everything else he couldn't handle us going wrong. and in spite of the protests of my parents and a couple of guy friends, I believe him. We started talking again a couple weeks after the break up and I told him that I love him and that I want things to work out eventually but no matter what I want him to be my friend and in my life. And he said ok. so we've been talking since then. and so I'm waiting. I'm waiting for him to decide he misses me and he loves me too much to let me go. He's a good man and he's kind and honest and sexy and he makes me feel like I'm the most special woman in the world. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm a fool. So. I wait. which is hard. I'm not a waiter. I'm a fixer. but there isn't anything I can do. BOO!