I haven't written in a long while. I feel rather lost right now. My step-father is sick and I don't know if he will ever be better. I had hoped that the surgery would work. We all thought it did. But he never did get better. He only got worse.
We don't even know what is wrong with him. It could be MS it could be something else. My step-father, father, dad, whatever you want to call him is dying. The man who wanted to live forever so he could see how the world grew or was destroyed. The man who hoped science would have living down to a T. The man who was my Herculese. He could carry both me and my sister around, one in each arm. He built our treehouse, you know. He built our house. I helped of course. I would run after him with my little tool belt sagging down.
Now...he can't hardly walk. He made himself a cane. He is so depressed by it. I think he liked being called Herculese. I can't hardly see the keyboard right now. This is the first time I've talked about it and now I'm crying. I wonder if he had cried about it. He cried when I graduated and when I moved away. I love him with all my heart and I don't think I've ever told him that.
He's my protector, my father. He runs off the boys he thinks I'm too good for and only frightens the ones he likes. He loves my mom with everything he possess and I love him for it. He would spank me when I was younger but then hold me and apoligized. I think he hated it worse than I did.
I always gave him hell. I was rebelious. I'm pissed at my real father for not being what my step-father is. I get mad at my step-father for letting me know what my dad should be. I do love my dad...but my step-dad is my father. He always punished me, because he loved me. My dad has never punished me, I get to do whatever I want..even when I really just want him to notice me.
He's always supported me and told me I could do better. He helped me graduate from high school and now I'm in college. He helped me get geometry through building. He can even write. He helped me become a better writer and a better person. He always challenges me and makes me work.
And now he has to go to the hospital. Poor mom! She is trying to help me go through college and now she has to help pay for the hospital bills...she just lost her job too. The people at her work were spreading mean rumors about her and her family. So she left them. She has too much to do without people attacking her family. What kind of people do that!!? I want to help her, but she wants me to just get my degree. She never did. I think she always regretted that.
I'm sorry for this scattered blog. I've never talked about this before and it's hard to think. God...I just love them both so much! My family has been through enough...we didn't need this.
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Aw. I am terribly sorry. There is nothing you can do, i mean to make him better. You and your family are in my prayers. Just stick with them, be by there sides, if you are religious, pray for them, pray hard! I can't even imagine what you are going through. I can tell how much pain you are in right now. Just don't give up. Don't give up on anything! Just work hard, and stick it through. Everything will be ok.
Good Luck. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers
~Leah
Thank you so much.
"I am a Stephens Woman."
I understand what you are going through believe it or not but in a different way. My mother had Lupus and was really sick she had to wear long sleeve clothing, hats and cover any skin when going into the sun. I had to buzz all of her hair off because it was falling out. I watched my mom pass in the hospital but i expect a great out come for your dad. I hope he gets better and I will also pray for him. I am very sorry. if you need someone to talk to I understand. trust me. I am a good listener. best of luck I will keep your family in my prayer.
*~Dani~*