Maybe I'll Make the Honor Roll! : Day 45

My deep, philosophical thought of the day?

FUCK ONLINE SCHOOLING.

Seriously. This shit is STRESSFUL. Okay, I don't even know what Microsoft Excel IS, let alone how to use it to make some spreadsheet type deal about Gap's 2006 sales for my financial accounting class. I'm not even sure what this "question" is asking.

I'm actually excited for next semester when I'll be GOING to a school and taking interesting classes. At least I don't have to actually ATTEND Basic Keyboarding. Dear God.

I admit--I'm a geek. I like learning. Granted, I have to be INTERESTED in the subject otherwise I'll probably fail or come very close to failing the class (see 9th grade algebra and 10th grade Geometry). But when I really like a subject, I get excited to learn.

Aimee and I started a project called "A Day in the Life of a Harmony Grover" where she's going to take photos of everybody doing things like making breakfast, getting coffee, doing art projects, etc., but try to make it look like she caught us off guard. Of course, we're going to be overly posed so it's obvious we're prepared for it. Ahh, the hilarity that goes on at the HG.

The nutritionist that we have also is a personal trainer that teaches boxing, and we just found out that she might come tomorrow and teach us after breakfast!! I am so, so excited. A lot of times I feel like beating the shit out of something, and what better way to focus my anger?? I am worried, however, about where we're going to do this boxing. In the kitchen, like yoga? I'm thinking some injuries could occur.

We learned in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy something called "Opposite-to-Emotion-Action", where you do the exact opposite of what you want. For example, you go out if you feel like isolating, etc. And let me tell you, applying this concept to life is AMAZING. This shit actually works. The other night I was supposed to go out but I had just had a conversation with my mom that pissed me off and I was upset and my mascara was all streaked and the rest of my makeup all blotchy and all I wanted to do was put on my PJ's and be pissed but I didn't. And it felt so, so good. That's how I felt yesterday about going to the gym. I was tired and just having one of those "Life sucks and let me be miserable" moments, but I decided to go with Laura and Aimee and afterwards felt SO much better. This may be due to the fact that Aimee and I discovered it IS possible to make perverted motions while on the elliptical, which made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.

Last night when I got home I saw an email my mom had sent me and it made me mad. So instead of just going to bed or thinking about an intelligent way to respond, I sent back what has to be the BITCHIEST reply I have ever given anyone in my life. I felt really, really bad after I did it too. And even worse when I got my mom's reply this morning. It basically said "I can't believe your father and I almost got a divorce over fighting over these issues for you. I've been your advocate this whole time, and now I don't even know why."

Hmmm. Not the best way to start a day. I sent her an apology and tried calling her like 3489348 times, but she was at work so she couldn't answer. She did respond to my email, though, saying "Your apology is accepted."

My mom scares the shit out of me when she's mad. You would think "A children's librarian? Yeah, um, okay." But no. NO NO NO! My mom is NEVER mad or upset or anything, so when she gets mad, STAY AWAY! I seriously freak out every time I hear my mom swear. I know trouble's a-brewin' when she starts spurting out "Shit" and "Dammit!" Pretty tame for my standards, but not Pat Campbell's. Oh, no.

I think my un-domestic lifestyle suits me quite well. Whenever I TRY to be productive around the house, it backfires. And miserably. Today, I woke up early (partly because Barb stuck her hand in our room and woke us up with her greeting card that plays "Turn the Beat Around!" by Gloria Estefan. Oh, how I love being brought into consciousness by Cuban dance music). Anyways, I go downstairs with all my laundry and start getting my wash on. Later, I transferred everything to the dryer...you know, like you're supposed to. Later today, when I was talking to Tom on the phone, Laura comes up to me with this grave look on her face and says "Angie....I have something to tell you." From the way she was acting, I was convinced a family member of mine was in the hospital. Why Laura would have this information and not me, I have no idea. But I digress.

Me: "What?!? What is it?"

Laura: "I'm really, really sorry, but..."

Me: "WHAT??"

Laura: "You washed your iPod."

And then she handed it to me. In all of its green, Nano-iPodness glory. It is now bent in a weird conformity and one of the ear piece thingys is missing. *Sigh*. I guess the only thing that will keep me entertained at the gym will be more elliptical-humping.

HG started this new thing that will be happening EVERY TUESDAY! So EVERY TUESDAY! we'll be meeting with the "Treatment Team", which consists of some staff members, the therapists, the nutritionist, etc., and they'll be telling us how they think we've been doing.

Um...no thank you. I KNOW I'm going to get yelled at for my messy room, my constant phone talking (which, excuse me, is NOT that much), etc. Ugh. I hate authority. It's so intimidating.

I've been thinking. And I've discovered that Ed---at least to me--is a lot like "Angie, the Student." As a student, I used to be really behaved, never considered breaking any rule, etc. Then, in high school, I thought "Fuck it." I never did anything BAD, but I would rebel in small ways--just basically what I could get away with. In AP Bio, I never did any of those fucking labs. That's what the other people in the class provided me with. Did I actually apply myself during AP Stats? Ha. My neighbor provided me with all I needed to know to take the test, if you know what I mean. Anyway, that's how Ed's been acting. At first, I was very diligent with him. Always following everything he said, not questioning anything, not even realizing he was telling me what to do. Now, not so much. He'll bother me in little ways, like convincing me that having the same thing for lunch every day is a good thing because I basically know the caloric content of everything I'm eating. But I'm messing with him now. I'm switching it up, not overexercising, and trying to like what I see in the mirror.

And now, for the next hour, I think I'll do nothing. Because we're hosting the EDA meeting tonight, and since I'm in transition, I don't have to go. And who the FUCK wants to sit around the living room with a bunch of strangers and talk about their fear of food?

Pas moi.