This is an easy question that is always ask from "Waiting to Exhale to Sex In The City". After observing females I talk to, females at the club scene, my friends and my past relationships and just out and about, I think I have come to a conclusion.
This cause & effect and the good & bad is based off of majority of the females that I have observe (Black, White, Hispanic/ Latin)
1.Cause:majority females have the spoil child mentality. They like flashy things, dont matter the cost, must have, dont want to know how it effect the person who is getting it.
Effect : The man like to see you happy, but it is breaking him also. He try to tell you that he have to budget the money, a conflict come into play. So insted of staying with you in conflict, he cut loose.
2. Good majority females have the I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T mentality. Is ok when there is no termoil in the relationship and everything is going fine.
Bad: If the male forsaken fall on hardtimes or hit a bump in the road, then thats when you get the well i dont need u right now.
All I have to say let a man know what he is getting into before you try to go with him. And yes I do have some more. But i am at work now, and i will put up "the Voices in you head" type of females.
I am willing to talk to any of you if you have any questions. Please keep it on the board
If the male forsaken fall on hardtimes or hit a bump in the road, then thats when you get the well i dont need u right now.
Sometimes it's not quite as simple as that. Sometimes the man's ego gets in the way, and he won't let anyone help him out, including his current girlfriend. With being pushed away so quickly, what is a girl to do? Stick around and deal with more 'tough love' in the hard times?
Or sometimes, the girl just can't support the man emotionally. Bad things happen to put an emotional strain on relationships, and if the people can't support each other through them, then they're probably not right for each other. At least not right then.
I highly encourage you to spell check your blogs before posting them, though. People tend to like well-written things better than poorly written things.
~C
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Reply
1st para comment:
A lot of time some men can predict what females say and do b4 they converse. We hear every verbal abuse from a female and our heart and mind (not ego) dont want to hear it from the female. But we just take the brunt of it and try to move on. Sometimes a man ego is not in play it is more like a female ego that come in play and cant wait to sing Beyonce's (Irreplaceable). I have notice that in some females also they love to live the life of another person but not there own. Yes I know some men do this also but some females take it to the extreme See, some female like to live in the present and men live in the future, but that is another post.
2nd para comment:
That is what I am talking about right here in your 2nd paragraph. Why pull out if the times are getting tough. So you is saying it is ok for a female/ male to pull out a marriage if one or the other fall on bad times and emotional distressed. See that is wrong with our country "United States of America", we want it easy, lube up. I know something come to the exceptional, but "aint" there's a problem that can come up at anytime. But why start over if you dont like the situation that is happening. See everytime you stop and start over and over and over and over, you start to think "there aint any good men". Females take on the over exaggerate meaning and falsify the notion that they had bad relationship with past men. But the truth to be told they pull out when the "tuff get going".
p.s. Yes there is an exceptional to the point also.
P.S.
Thanks alot for the tip. And I apologize about it. I know I was all over the place. No excuse I should have proofread it and spell check it. I was actually at work and a lot of cases was drop on my desk and i tried to get this on b4 it jump out of my head. LOL Next time it will be much better than this one...
See, some female like to live in the present and men live in the future, but that is another post.
You like supergeneralizing, don't you? Most of the girls I know focus on the future. Maybe it's just because we're all at the point in our lives where we need to focus on the future, but there you have it. I'm personally a planner. If I don't know how something is going to be done, I go insane. I hate making plans at the last minute, especially for things like vacations. My mom is the complete opposite... she waits until the last minute to decide things. One of my friends is worried about her relationship status, because she doesn't want to force any man to live the life she's planned out for herself, and still has feelings for her ex. She's a planner too.
My ex boyfriend was the type of guy who HATED making plans. He wanted to live each day as it came, and not worry about tomorrow. It drove me crazy. He didn't know what he wanted in life... he just wanted to live it.
Why pull out if the times are getting tough. So you is saying it is ok for a female/ male to pull out a marriage if one or the other fall on bad times and emotional distressed.
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. His mother died from cancer about three months ago, his (only) sister died a little over a year ago (her death anniversary was last week) and his cousin died about 10 months ago. After his mom died, he pulled completely away. He would basically refuse to talk to me, didn't care about school or life or anything. Talked about committing suicide a few times. Turned to marijuana and alcohol to numb the pain. I wasn't even a second thought to him at that point, despite the fact that we had been together for 3 1/2 years. I did everything I possibly could to be there for him, but he just wouldn't let me. So, for my own sanity, I had to end it. Are you saying I was wrong in doing so?
Sometimes, things just can't be overcome. No, I'm not saying that everyone should seek a divorce when things get tough, but if you have problems that just can't be resolved, it's better to seek a divorce than to remain married. Abuse, for instance. Marital rape, extreme possessiveness... these things do more than just cause difficulties... they create lasting scars.
You make it out like women are the bad guys, but both parties have a role to play. There are bad women, just like there are bad men. But there are good members of both genders, and sometimes, people just aren't compatible.
~C
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You like supergeneralizing, don't you? Most of the girls I know focus on the future. Maybe it's just because we're all at the point in our lives where we need to focus on the future, but there you have it. I'm personally a planner. If I don't know how something is going to be done, I go insane. I hate making plans at the last minute, especially for things like vacations. My mom is the complete opposite... she waits until the last minute to decide things. One of my friends is worried about her relationship status, because she doesn't want to force any man to live the life she's planned out for herself, and still has feelings for her ex. She's a planner too.
Please do not turn this in to a selective reading. I do not over generalize. I never said that all do these things. I say “some”, I don’t know if I say majority. Anyway, look at the people that are planners and their similarities, and then look at the ones that procrastinate to the last minute. But the down fall of the planners is that sometimes if there plans are thrown of by a glitch, they will mentally break down.
But come to your friend… How can you force someone to do something they don’t want to? In my field of practice that is call abduction/ kidnap. LOL! But anyway … Why is she forcing the relationship? Did she sit down and got to know the dude and what he like to do. What is his future plans, then tell him hers. See she was just looking for an acting boyfriend until her ex-boyfriend come back to her. Or she wants a man just like her ex or better to make her forget her ex.
A lot of people males and females want right here, right now. Little that they know they are going to pay for it later on in their life. It is like a fast food restaurant: you want a burger fries and a coke. Your told is $5.78, please drive around. Shoot you can buy half pound ground beef or turkey $1.50, bag of fries $2.00, 2 litter drink $1.50 total round $5.00 give and take. If you do it yourself it would be a better tasting, fresh, and you can have more if you would like. See relationships are just like that.
But to respond of the last one, I did say exceptional to the rule of thought at the end of the first response.
Your ex was in dire need of comfort but he need professional help. Cause the death toll he went thru was devastating to his mental and emotional state. He still don’t understand life at that moment. I was tore up when my Granddad died, then my great granny died some months later, and my grandma died months after that. But I understood that it was not anything I could do to bring them back. I just had to keep trucking and live life to the fullest just like they did. He just needed a pilot to help him thru those times. If you would stayed and got him out of that rut, the reward would have been great. But you were not wrong to dip if it was in a reasonable time.
Why is she forcing the relationship?
She's not in a relationship. She doesn't want to be in one right now, because she's going into the military AND medical school, and doesn't think she could provide anything for a boyfriend right now. If one comes around that accepts where her life is headed (since she doesn't have much choice in the matter now... she's signed her life away for 14 years), then she'll accept it. But she's not out looking.
And please don't misunderstand me. You can love someone and miss them without wanting to go back to them. Ever hear the old adage that first loves never die? Same concept.
If you would stayed and got him out of that rut, the reward would have been great.
Or, I could have destroyed myself in the process, and been only a shell of my former self. I don't deny it... I broke up with him because of self-preservation. I still care for him, and I still want to help him, but I'm no longer putting my life on hold to do so. I also simply couldn't provide what he needed... I live over 1000 miles away, and he won't let me come to him. He needs someone that can be there, and that sounds like his ex more than anyone else.
~C
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I doubt if a girl is needy or pushy that she'll right out tell the boy that. I mean, people like that would rather snare a sucker, right?
~ *~
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
If you say that, can the female say those words " there is not any good men"?