An idol in the Antichrist Superstar

It probably sounds utterly cliché to boldly state that my hero, my idol, is a celebrity. It probably sounds like I’m striving to make things seem politically incorrect and controversial when I say he has influenced me so greatly. I could easily make arguments for many other people who could be worthy of such titles: my single mother who suffers from lupus, activists that I have met, poets who have mentored me, even my friends. While all the people in my life are amazing in their own way and just as worthy of admiration, I cannot ever forget Marilyn.

Most of the time, when people learn of my devotion to the Antichrist Superstar they immediately assume stereotypical clichés. I’m goth, I’m a Satanist, I’m prone to violence and pain, and maybe I do drugs. The common things one thinks when they hear his name. Some of these stereotypes might hold true for me and others like me and some do not. Either way I know the people I’m speaking to never understand why I idolize him. That’s what this is; an explanation.

Growing up, I was fairly close to the norm. I believed what other people believed. I did as they did. I didn’t question because I didn’t think to. To me, it was incomprehensible that they would lie to me. Slowly, as time passed, I lost that gullible girl. I didn’t trust people nearly as much as children are prone to do. Yet I still blindly swallowed what they told me to do and what to believe in. I was still a victim to my own determination to conform. Honestly, I thought I was like everyone else. After all, I never claimed to be any different from the kids I sat with everyday. I never had any thoughts of my own. I was content to follow without questioning.

Somewhere along the way I began feeling as if something was wrong. In school they told me to develop my mind, discover things for myself, yet still conform to everyone else. I was told outwardly to be different because there was nothing wrong with that but inwardly I felt a contradictionary message that there was only one way to do things. And that was like everyone else, along the path that some far behind me had decided worked for everyone.

When I discovered Marilyn Manson it was practically in secret. Sure I listened to rock music already but this was something different. Something that seemed almost worthy of shame. His name carries a negative stigma that I was afraid of having attached to me. I was afraid that I would forever be labeled just for being curious. My friends knew me as the girl who listened to Nirvana and fought conformity but I wasn’t really that different from anyone else. I knew that if people found out about Marilyn they would really see me as different and I didn’t know if I could handle that. I was afraid I would be ostracized. So I was very quiet about my new interests. Looking back, I realize how carefully I did it. It’s almost as if I were plotting a crime; I hid music from my mother and pretended to read music magazines for different articles. I was doing it all alone and secretively, as if I had something to worry about.

Alone, as I began to explore his music, I discovered how discontent I was with my current situation. I became utterly immersed in the world of Marilyn Manson. I became obsessed with it. I think part of the reason was because it was so different from anything I had ever dared to think about. It was different and something that clicked in my brain and soul. I was able to take a look at life and humanity. I was able to see that my current belief system was not working because I didn’t really feel it was right. In fact, I didn’t feel anything about it. I just did what I thought was normal.

Being able to understand what Marilyn was saying and understand what he believed in made it clear to me that I could develop my own beliefs. It made me see that I could truly be myself.

When it became known that I was a fan of Marilyn Manson it wasn’t as big a deal as I had thought it would be. People were only interested in why I would. They didn’t understand him at all. I’ve come to realize that when people hear his name they immediately think of the obvious. They blurt out sometimes ignorant assumptions. They completely look over one of the key messages: a message that could reach out to everyone. He’s not ultimately preaching Satanism. He’s not expecting hordes of people to blindly follow him like he’s a savior. One of his key messages is that you need to discover things for yourself. You can’t just follow everything that people say. You need to wake up and discover the real you and you need to believe in the person that you find.

This is what Marilyn Manson means to me. He’s not my idol because he’s famous. He has influenced me solely because he’s a rock star. He’s these things to me because he awakened knowledge that knowledge of self in me. He allowed me to see that I can be myself and believe what I believe without having to worry of what others think of me. People will always judge me and the key to defeating their criticisms is by having confidence in myself. I can be certain that I am right, at least for myself, when I state my views because I took that effort of discovery. I took the time to make my own views on the world and humanity. I’m not parroting someone else’s ideas just because I have none of my own. I will never again accept someone else’s beliefs as my own without strong personal feeling and reason because Marilyn Manson taught me that you cannot go through life like that.

I recently read a quote from Marilyn Manson. Simply, it expresses why he has influenced me so much. Simply, it says: “Stop worrying about trying to fit into the status quo of what is beautiful and what is politically correct. Believe in yourself and stick to what is right. If you want to be like me, then be like yourself.”

I’ve discovered that I can only be myself. It’s better than going through life telling people lies because that’s what I think they want to hear. If anyone judges me for who I am, for my beliefs, than there is nothing I can do but stay firm in my confidence. Not everyone will agree with me and not everyone will accept me because of my views. I know that. At least I know who I am and I believe in myself. This message that he gives out is one that no one can argue with. Even if he is a walking controversy who has been blamed for numerous situations and for misleading America’s youth, it’s still a message that every person in the world can relate to, be they Christian, Satanist, Atheist, or Agnostic. It’s a message that simply states be yourself and believe in yourself.

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