Planting flowers in the garden of my life... A garden - the symbol

For just about all of my life, I have lived in apartments and in other people's homes. Even when I had moved out on my own, nothing was ever truly mine. I was constantly in situations that threatened the need to move on once again. In just the first 25 years of my life I moved atleast 30 times (those are just the times that I can actually remember) and lived in 5 different states that I know of for deffinite. Stability and security were not a regular part of my every day life. I became very good at packing and unpacking. It became a game to me and to this day is almost like a drug that I need every so often.

At this point, when I get the urge to move because I am not used to being in one place so long, I rearrange my whole household. I reorganize my furniture, clothes, towels, dishes, and canned goods even. I do all that I must to feel like things aren't stagnate. Its all a part of my constant battle to stay. To stay in one place longer than a year. To build a life for myself instead of bare survival. To create a home instead of just having a roof over my head. I always wanted to be able to do these things but never had the chance to in the past.

The love of my life and I have lived in our apartment out in the woods for just over a year now and I started to get the itch. He knew and understood this but didn't get freaked out but my sudden search and destroy mission on our possesions. I started by getting rid of all things we didn't use or need. Donated everything of any value to those who would use them and "trashed" all the things that weren't any good to anyone. He just smiled and asked if I needed a hand. When I started looking at the front yard with disdain he grabbed a rake and mower and staraightened that up without hesitation. Than one day when shopping, he saw me looking at the little pots of flowers that always seem to bloom in every store around this time of year. He asked me if I was going to plant any flowers. I was in shock.

Now first thing to be known... I really really don't have a green thumb. I've tried a few house plants and have become known as a serial murderer of plants. I also wouldn't know what to do if I had them because before now, I never had the opportunity to plant anything before. I knew we had permission but I had just never been in a position to know that it was ok to plant something and know that I would be there to see it grow and flourish. The whole time that my mind is just working all this through, he's asking if I want flowers or if I want to have a vegitable garden or both even, and what type of flowers did I like, what kind of veggies would I like to grow? I realized during his oblivious questioning that it was finally ok.

So, with my dicesion to finally put down some roots (literally and figuratively) we started choosing. The flowers went in right away and a couple weeks later (yesterday) the veggies were bought and the ground was getting prepared to accept their hungry little roots. My roots.

While I cleared our back yard of grass and small boulders for the first time in my life though, I realized that I had dealt with a problem that was very common now-a-days. A garden is truly a symbol of security and stability. Its also a sign of responsibility and maturity. By taking on the responsibility of a garden, you are saying alot about yourself and your living situation. You are saying that you are here to stay for awhile. You are home and that you are going to take care of these plants. So many people are unable to appreciate any form of gardening or plants because they don't have the stability in their lives to be ablet to put down such permanent roots into one area of soil. Some people enjoy that. I don't and I feel for others who long for the stability and security that some permanent soil and roots would give them.

And as a side note... I haven't killed any of the plants yet! Not a one!