For Utilizing the Lazy People of America for the Energy that They Themselves Lack as Humans to Make a Change in the World.
A perplexing issue has come to the attention of school children playing outside and climbing trees, the business men bustling through smog filled cities, the cacophonous elderly choking as if a lung or more may expel itself from their disposition, mothers driving their mini-vans filled to the brim with small children packed in like sausages, and even the humble state legislature from which I now write to the general public.
I think it is agreed by all parties, especially that of the forest or kelly color, that the great extent of the environmental movement must be recognized as a worthy cause. Until now the work that has been done concerning this movement has been peddled forth by the hippies, tree-huggers, Californians, and Al Gore. With the climate in such a deplorable state the aforementioned hippies of the world have in fact attempted to become heroes. The question has been raised as to how to solve this problematic situation of a climate change, global warming, or the energy crisis.
A number of souls in the state have already begun a list of suggestions for solving the crisis. Al Gore believes that an everyday life style change is in order to take any real effect. However, such drastic a change will surely not be acceptable for the sloth like people of this fast food time.
That is why I will now propose a proposition which will take the people off the cold, dirty streets, give use to the useless people of the world, especially the teenagers and the elderly crowded into retirement homes and the drum-like people, similar to Kyle Durfee, who are simply empty souls but make an abundance of noise, and provide a free energy source that can power the entire state and given enough useless people power the whole world. Renowned scientists Shaun Deffe, and Lauren Choma have been recently able to combine their intelligence and the elements in their own bodies to create a 6 volt battery with only twenty people. If each person holds zinc metal in one hand and magnesium metal in the other while connecting themselves to the next person in line, the once inadequate people of the world can remain in their state of perpetual laziness yet power the microwaves, televisions, blenders, and other electronics of the era.
After all, the depletion of oil is an obvious problem, solar power is unrealistic seeing as the sun will be gone in billions of years, wind is completely unreliable, and water could evaporate at any minute. However, the world population increases exponentially every year and the lazy people that could be utilized for this practice increases at an even more alarming rate.
Therefore, I humbly submit this proposal with little or no flaws to make the world greener and take a bigger step in the environmental movement without the loss of idleness. For as the conservation of energy law stays true so most the conservation of slothfulness and sluggishness.
