Eighty percent of the times that I have walked into the fitness center this year, her skeleton-like frame has come into view. She is on the elliptical, she is working out hard, and she looks like she is going to break in half. I can see her veins and bones through her pallid skin, and the dark moons under her eyes make me feel like I am staring at a walking (well, running) corpse.
Clearly, this girl has a serious eating disorder. I don't know her name, I don't know her story, and I don't even know if I am assuming correctly. But if I am making the right judgement, what I do know is that this girl needs help...and no one is giving it to her.
In a society where interpersonal detatchment reins, I am in personal conflict. I wonder whether it is my place to confront a complete stranger about something as personal and serious as her potential eating disorder, when it is taboo even to say "good morning, how are you?" to someone you've never met before.
I know that I don't know her and I don't know her circumstances. I don't know whether her friends have confronted her many times before, whether her family has intervened and it has been of no use. What I do know is that every time I see her, I think to myself, this girl is going to die. And I wonder if I could or should be the person to try and change that.
Every time I see her, I cringe. Because standing not ten feet away are at least two fitness center employees, who I'm sure have seen her many times more than I have, and have never said anything either. Is it their job to contact a supervisor, to bar this girl from exercising herself to death? My friend's mom had an eating disorder and her personal trainer refused to work out with her until she became healthy again. Is it the place of campus recreation services to do the same for this unfortunate girl who has fallen prey to the pressures of a weight-obsessed society?
Next week, February 25-March 1 is Eating Disorders Awareness week at the University of Maryland, but every week should be Eating Disorder Awareness week. According to the University of Maryland Health Center website, "Eating disorders in the form of anorexia, bulimia, and binge-eating disorder present both psychological and physical health risks to an estimated 20% of college-aged women." I wonder how many of these women have friends who feel close enough to them to confront them about their disorders. I wonder whether the girl at the gym even has the support net to help her.
So what should I do? Do I stage an intervention for a complete stranger? Or do I sit around and watch her exercise every day, killing herself slowly, until one day I show up for my work-out and she's not there and she never comes back?
I'm no psychologist, I don't know for sure if that kind of attention could be a bad thing or some sort of pro-anorexic enforcement, but I doubt it. I am certainly shy enough to understand that aspect of not saying anything. Also as a guy I would feel somewhat out of place (ironically) openly critiquing a girl's body.
But I think ultimately you're right: that girl needs help. She is mentally twisted and self-destructive. There ARE physical signs of malnutrition and starvation. I really really don't know the right words to use, but I think she needs to hear that she apparently has an eating disorder. Because maybe she doesn't think its obvious.
I've never said as much before, even though I thought it.
I just wonder if it would work.
You could definitely talk to the personal trainers they might be able to give her some friendly advice you know for this height you should be between such and such weight type deal. Or you could also start talking to her friendly at first and if you too become friends start talking to her about get her on the right track if you can but there really is no immediate action to take besides talking to the trainers they are there to help everyone including her.
Think globally act locally.
Always listening.
Unfortunately, you don't know all aspect of her situation, and for all you know she could have some illness, that goes beyond anorexia. Approaching someone not fully understand the situation is a big...no no! That isn't your place to do that either, that would be the place of her friends and a family members. Would you walk up to someone who is extremely obese, that could equally have health problems? You can't just make assumptions about her condition, and because that is really are you are going off of, it would be unfair to approach her, leave that up to her family and friends. I think that is great that you are kind hearted enough to care about a stranger but be sure to not cross that line of being strangers.
CHECK OUT MY BLOG AND I WILL LOVE YOU!!!http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/jennqt341
People with eating disorders isolate themselves. By the time they reach the advanced stages of the disease, they often have no friends left. They've avoided and lied to too many people. Too many people have questioned their motives or tried to stop the disease. They don't need friends.
If you approach her about her disorder, you will be just like everyone she has cut out of her life. You could try to get to know her as a person first. Maybe a gentler approach will put you in a position to help her. But you have to know that anything you say about her eating disorder will be dismissed immediately. Eating disorders are tricksy.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I agree that you should try to get to know her first. Try to start up a conversation with her and get talking to her. If you confront her in time it may be worth it because sometimes hearing something like that from a stranger rather than a close family member or friend is more effective.
That is a tricky situation, especially because she is a stranger and you don't know anything about her situation. She may have an eating disorder. She may have something else (hyperthyroid, cancer, celiac disease, etc.) And while, you are probably right in your assumption, it's most likely not a good idea to confront her without that facts. If it were me, I would casually bring your concern to the attention of the gym staff (preferably personal trainors, as they tend to know a bit more about eating disorders, and would probably take your genuine concern to heart); You could get to know this young woman, however, if you decide to do that, do not walk into the situation blindly. Eating Disorders are very frustrating diseases to deal with, and, she may not be at a point where she is willing or able to digest your concern (no pun intended).
Best of luck to you!
~Jessica~
"Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else." -Gloria Steinhem-
The gym staff have been notified, health center therapists have been consulted, most of my friends (especially after reading this post) have seen her and have wondered about her or expressed concern for her. I have no doubt that this girl is sick with an eating disorder and needs help.
A friend of mine who is recovering from an eating disorder has decided that she is going to confront her; she figures it might be easier for her to relate to someone who's been there.
Thanks for the advice
A^2
I fully agree with "DMather", the best thing that you can do is try to talk to the personal trainers. Or you could try to get to know her personally (as what "jennqt341" stated). The most common mistake that people make is "ignorance" or "not doing anything". If others won't help then who will? I hope it's not too late. Thanks for posting this.
Stephen
I think this is the real problem in dealing with eating disorders: we don't know where it began and where will it end and thus we can't really protect ourselves from it and we need to learn to prevent these problems. My sister is in bulimia treatment right now, she had a lot to suffer from it.