This is my first entry about my family. And hopefully, this won't be my last.
I am having a hard time expressing myself to my family. I don't show them I love them that much. For example, I haven't hugged or kissed anyone in the family since I was 6. Or a better example, I haven't said "I love you" to anyone of them since 6 as well.
I know this is going to haunt me in the future. That is, the fact that I am unable to show how much I appreciate every single member of my family. I am just having a hard time. It's more of like pride in addition to me thinking it's going to portray a weaker side of myself.
However, I am more embarrassed. Because towards my friends, I am not having a hard time. What is wrong with me?
Anyways, I think that this is going to last long. And for what it's worth, though I know it shouldn't be even an excuse, all of us act the same way.
I love each and every one of them. I value each with all my heart.
I am writing this now because I know they won't be able to read it.
Happy Birthday to my mom who's celebrating her birthday today. I hope she knows I love her so much and I am sorry for all the wrong I've done and the pain I've caused. I am thankful for every single minute spent with her. Love you! I want to say it to her myself, I just can't bring myself to say it.
how bout you? when's the last time you told your parents you love them?
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My parents don't tell me that they love me therefore I don't do it back. The first time my father hugged me was when I left for college last August. When I was younger, I tried to hug my father but he would just push me away. Even if I begged and pleaded, he pushed me away. My mother is a bit more caring but not really. If I try talking to her, she either starts saying I talk too much or can we talk another time or she brings up some other excuse. My dad comes home from work and watches tv, i guess as a way of relaxing. Trying to talk to him while he watches tv is a hopeless cause. Why bother. I gave up. I told one of my aunts and she suggested I initiate something. For example, starting to say I love you before I hang up on the phone. I tried and the words did not come out and to tell you the truth they probably never will.
I was pushed away all my life; it's hard to try to go back. Call me and my parents stubborn if you want. I wouldn't disagree with you. It's exactly what we are.
My parents were always like that, too. I think in my case, it helped them to not feel bad for being crappy parents.
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hey thankz for commenting and opppening up.. i think thats really sad just cuz u havent experienced that parent and child bond. but u know i think you should still be happy cuz most people have worst case than what you have.
Hey,
I've had a very great relationship with my parents. My mom homeschooled my brothers and I starting when I reached junior high, and my dad... well, I remember asking him one time, when I was four, sitting at the dinner table, "what will I look like when I grow up?" He said "You'll be even more beautiful than you are now."
Still, it can be awkward to express feelings. But I find that it is kind of like... riding a bike? No, not exactly. More like driving in Santa Fe. If you haven't done it in a while, it's going to be startling, and it'll take a while to get used to it. But, once you've broken the ice, you're good.
It's a simple thing to say "I love you," but that doesn't mean it's easy. Still, if you can overcome it, that'll make it easier to say the next time.
And....
...and I don't think you'll ever regret saying it. But you will probably regret not saying it.
"Lord, make my words as sweet as honey, for tomorrow, I may have to eat them."
My family has never been really affectionate, we're more likely to scream at each other and make each other feel guilty before we show we care. And yet I know that my family will always be there.
Good post. I can realate - its hard to express myself to my family because sometimes they just dont get it.