Imagine, your a woman walking home after having a good time out at the bar with a couple of friends. You're dressed in a modestly low cut shirt and a short skirt. You're slightly intoxicated, but not drunk. A man comes up behind you and grabs you. What do you do now? You struggle to get free from the man's hands or to get that wistle on your key chain, but you can't. Before long, your in an alley or a dark corner of a park pinned to the ground. You're begging for this man to let you go. A smile crosses his face he has taken away any power you might have had. There he rapes you and leaves you covered in dirt, blood, and sweat from the struggle. What do you do? Your first thought is to go home and take a shower wash off what just happened and go on living your life, instead you turn and head towards the hospital. You go through an examination and request to speak to a police officer. Everything is documented. You have done everything in your power to get this guy locked up. After a long night, you finally get to go home.
Now, it's a few months, maybe even years down the road. Your case is going to court. On the day of the hearing you are called forward and asked to explain what happened that night. You are asked what you had been doing that night, what you had been wearing, and why you were walking alone. Soon this case is turned around, no longer is the trial about locking up your rapist, but about whether or not you had been asking to be raped.
Rape is a crime no matter what an individual was wearing or doing on the night that it happened. But so often these trials get turned onto the victim. It is not the rapists fault that he raped a girl, it is the raped girls fault for being drunk and wearing a low cut shirt and skirt. Because of this many rapists are walking free today. If we can't trust our court systems to condemn the guilty and let the victims walk free how are we suppose to make our streets safer? Many rape cases never get reported, of those that do few go to court, and of the few that go to court many of them leave the victim at the stand watching her rapist walk out the door, unpenalized for his crime.
*as a side note I know that rape can happen to anyone and used the genders as I did to make the blog easier to read*
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Rape is a crime and rapist need to be harshly punished.
There are many STUPID things that victims do that leads to them being a victim, but that doesn't change that they are the victim. (such as walking alone at night in short skirts while drunk.)
none of that changes that the rapist committed a crime. However, in today's legal system, the criminal quickly becomes a victim (normally a victim of society). . .
Yes, I agree with you because a rapist shouldn't go free because that person isn't the victim because the person (that was raped) is the victim.
I agree that there is no excuse to rape someone. No matter what the person's age or what they are wearing, it does not make it okay for someone else to rape that person. The courts allowing rapist to walk scott-free is like telling the victims "Don't bother reporting it, we don't really care."
According to the National Crime Victimization Survey in 1995, only 26% of those who replied reported being raped by a stranger. One in six American women are victims of sexual assault, and one in 33 men... and of these it is estimated that 59% go unreported.
Although it is not the victim's fault he or she is raped, it is YOUR responsibility to protect YOURSELF against rape. Don't walk home alone... ever. Choose the people that you spend time with wisely, because 66% of rape victims reported being raped by an intimate, friend, or acquaintance. Putting yourself in a dangerous situation is asking for trouble. That's not blaming the victim: that's a fact. It's your body, your life: don't take the chance.
Your comments are very true, you should take precautions to protect yourself. Yes, I hit on the stranger rape. Being raped by someone that you know is a lot more likely. You can't always protect yourself from being raped by someone you know. It may be a relative, a friend you have had since you were a kid, a parent, or a parent's friend. You don't always have control of the situation. Also, your statistics are true - for reported cases. We don't know the number of cases that have not been reported.
It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or someone you know - a person can protect his or herself from either situation. Rape is a very personal crime that requires a very specific type of environment - a person cannot be raped in place where there are multiple people they trust. It's true that you can't be 100% safe from being raped 100% of the time - but you can take measures to keep yourself out of the danger zone. As for the unreported cases - clearly those people have a reason for not reporting them - and that's better left alone.
Discussing this is like beating a dead horse.
I would add that protection from rape is a good reason to learn to use firearms and get a concealed carry permit.
Or, at the VERY least, take martial arts courses that are self-defense based, rather than "here's how you do a flashy kick and break a board to get a belt" based martial arts.
Unfortunately, concealed carry isn't legal in all states. In some states, it's restricted to "sport" licenses, and in others you can't get one at all. Plus, firearms can be harder to carry around to start with, and unless you are very proficient, not that great for self protection "in the moment". Having a firearm in your home for protection though - anyone can do this, it's easy and not as scary as it sounds. Knowing your rights and how to use a firearm is just plain common sense.
I think that martial arts is a great idea for sense defense - especially for women. Any recommendations on a particular type?
2 "States" do not have Concealed Carry permits: Wisconsin and DC. many states are nearly impossible to get them from, IL, CA, NY (specifically the additional NYC permit seperate from the NY state permit) and NJ.
However, they make many firearms specifically for concealed carry. Sigarms makes many 'compact' pistols, and most of Kel-Tec's pistols are solely for concealed carry.
I'm a bigger guy, so i carry a Ruger Kp-95, since I can conceal it well.
For ladies, they make a whole host of pistols and small sized revolvers that can be easily hid in a purse or backpack. (The Kel-Tek P-3AT could even be hid in one of those REALLY tiny purses that ladies like to carry nowdays, in a special 'pocket holster')
That makes it much easier to yank out in an emergency.
However, it takes time, desire and discipline. Not to mention a whole HOST of responsibility. And, in most states, if you're heading into a bar, that gun can't be with you... so a 'walking home after getting drunk at a bar" situation wouldn't be gun-friendly.
Unfortunately, concealed carry isn't legal in all states. In some states, it's restricted to "sport" licenses, and in others you can't get one at all. Plus, firearms can be harder to carry around to start with, and unless you are very proficient, not that great for self protection "in the moment". Having a firearm in your home for protection though - anyone can do this, it's easy and not as scary as it sounds. Knowing your rights and how to use a firearm is just plain common sense.
I think that martial arts is a great idea for self defense - especially for women. Any recommendations on a particular type?
Given that in a rape situation, they're grabbing you, I always recommend Aikido. It is based on using their energy against them through acceptance and diversion of their momentum (I don't get into the 'chi' aspect of it)
As such, it doesn't require an ability to have enough room to kick/punch, nor does it require that you be able to overpower your opponent (hard to do for a small lady against a big guy hopped up on lust)
It allows nerve or joint locks as well as throws that can cause pain (but not damage) or can even cause death if necessary.
You're also missing the fact that people will scream rape if they had a bad sexual experince the night before or something they didn't like, or they wake up drunk and realized they just fucked someone they hated, and on and on...happens a lot. Most of the times it gets caught but sometimes it doesn't.
Not saying to blame the victim, you should blame the racist, but still sometimes it really is the victims fault.
You are correct, some people "scream rape" after having a bad experience etc. And it is people like them that give victims a bad name. People crying wolf make it much harder for people to believe actual victims which makes it harder to make a good case in court to get a real rapist behind bars.
Yes, it does happen.
I know of a case with a friend of mine. He didn't, but she was mad at him when they broke up, so she yelled RAPE!
he was, thankfully, found 'not guilty' (though even when found not guilty, people still assume that you did it anyway.)
As always, with such false cases, the ones who REALLY suffer are the real victims.
...she wouldn't have to suffer the indignities of the court system if she had carried a self defense firearm and obtained training in its use.
That way, she could have pointed the barrel at his chest and, if he didn’t run away, shot him.
Heh, I put my post up before I saw yours. Glad I'm not alone in that thought.
This month is Rape Awareness month and I am at a girls college. We took sidewalk chalk and attacked the grounds with facts. I have actually noted less men walking their dogs.
"I am a Stephens Woman."
you know it get's me real riled up to see young women getting blamed for the fact that they were raped or assaulted. It's not fair, and i personally think that something shouls be done about this. so what the woman is wearing a short skirt and halter top ?, that gives no reason for a man to rape a woman. The man raped the woman, she didn't ask for it. Does it really mater if the woamn was intoxicated ? i don't think so. It seems like the men who are the rapists get away, leaving the woman scrutinized by the jury or a number of people.
There are also men raped by women.
Rarely ever talked about, but it happens. Normally takes the form of drugging up a guy and manipulating him.
It isn't as violent as the male raping the female (well, maybe with some of the biker ladies it can be), but it happens.
I think one social injustice is that male victims are treated as less of a victim than a female victim.
Um, that is what the whole damn blog was about.
rape because they feel shame. I have dealt with this and it was horrendous, I still cannot talk about it, but I knew they would ask if I had brought it on in any way...Plus, I couldn't have identified anyone, as I was sleeping at a friends and attacked by 6 people I didn't know-in the dark. I would not wish that on anyone, and it still shames me because I try to be honest in a relationship and no man wants to know that his woman has been violated lie that...It makes them angry or withdraw...God, I shouldn't post this, but maybe it will help someone...
You did nothing wrong. You are not, and were not, at fault.
As a man, I can say that it would be HARD to hear that my girlfriend/wife was raped (not because it would change her value in my eyes, but I would be angry at the people who would do such a thing to such a wonderful girl as whomever I would be dating), but I would rather know it than not know it.
your self-worth takes a slam...and I won't go into everything, but I couldn't stand for days and got in trouble at work...It has harsh...I never asked for that...The guy I had been 'hanging out with' engineered it, I am sure as he made an appearance as number 7...but I had told him I wanted the third person I was to be with to be the final man for me. I am a one man woman and felt like they had stolen the meaning of sex from me...It turned me into a mechanical user and that is the truthful reason I did poorly my second semester in college...My mind was consumed with the memory and pain I could not erase.
Your feelings are not uncommon, and it is understandable that someone would feel as you do/did (not sure of your personal feelings of self-worth now as compared to then, but I would hope they have risen greatly.)
I've typed and deleted a few things now, there really isn't anything I can say except to express my hope that you know that your true worth isn't affected by those animals.
Truthfully... I have had to reach deep. I have always had...self-issues, and they obliterated hope at the time, but I rarely think of it anymore. My boyfriend now can (though rarely) be the most considerate and loving man I know...he is agfraid of PDA's and commitment (responsibility) but he is not with me for sex (we rarely share intimacy), but his hand on my back when we are sleeping and his rare 'I love you's' make me feel like queen of the world. Last night, he smiled and kissed me and I swooned like a goof...The little things matter, and the fact that I am not a sexual toy to the man I am with now has healed the hurt of then...It may sound stupid, but it's true.
Doesn't sound stupid at all. I have a friend who is in a very similar situation as you had been in, and I try to serve the same purpose as your boyfriend.
Though, due to distance, there is no sex or intimacy of the physical sort. (of course, I'm a 'no sex until marriage' kind of guy anyway)
I'd still blame the rapist. I mean, how desperate can they be that they have to take actions? Don't they have a girlfriend or something? There is prostitution as well you know. Oh God, don't tell me they would rather commit a horrible crime than to pay someone to enjoy it...either way it's illegal? How about going to those strip bar or something? Man, maybe I'm being bias because I am a woman. I'm sure men get raped too but why don't they talk about it as much? Is it shame as well? Another lame excuse I hear is "They enjoy being raped." What the hell?