this post is not political, its not religious. it doesn't better the future or broad prosperity. its just me. me and my need to write, right now. to write and be heard.
i can feel myself slipping in this inconsitant mess which is myself. some days are fine but the others....tears fall the second the alarm bells ring. my bf is so use to my moods that it seems like he has become indifferent to me. which inturn makes me completly needy in my constant wondering if he still cares...its a downward cycle. i don't want to be who i am but trying to feel what i cant is getting so hard.
maybe whats hardest for me is because i don't know why.
Aron T Beck developed cognitive theory and believed that its mis thinking that leads to depression. negative thoughts.
when i think of the future i don't see hopelessness, i don't think i wam worthless, im flat broke but im still grateful that i still have an apartment and although its ramon noodles i still have food. ...but maybe it only takes one set of mis thinkings to cause my world to crash? if i had a simple answer would it make how i feel less impactual. if i agree that its one thing does that mean im weak if i still feel it. if i get to the point were i don't think about how i feel in the consistancy that i do...am i empty. will it be meaningless. am i already empty and meaningless?
i ask and try to understand how other people feel all day. what they think about.do they think about how they feel?
and as i walk
the anthem of my death
rings out, in a chorus of my tears
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The good old world treats us all right huh? Depression, even in its quick, short bursts feels like the worst thing ever when it happens. I'll admit, I go through that every so often in my day when I think I want my ex-girlfriend back. (And yes, I'm only 16, but I like to think I can break the rules and be mature =]) I think that misthinking does lead to depression. Negative thoughts are the worst, but it's not like we can avoid being negative every single minute of every single hour of every single day. We just have to deal with all of it, but sooner or later, we might all just figure out how to get passed that depression. Whether it's finding a certain thing to help us or just something that unexplainably comes by and helps us.
i just put out part two on it ok!!
*~*K i M b U r L e E*~*