I have a cousin. She decided to give her baby up for adoption, since she was only 19, and picked out a family to have her baby. They were there for the birth,but then changed her mind and decided to keep the baby. Six months later, the baby was dead. And nobody could come up with a clear reason why. The eventual reason was SIDS, but a lot of people noticed that the baby was abused before it died. My cousin was arrested, but she was never charged with anything. Five years later, and she has three kids.
Now a new report by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute says mothers deciding to place their infants for adoption deserve better counseling, more time to change their minds, and more support in trying to keep track of the children they relinquish, a leading adoption institute recommends in a sweeping new report.
In contrast to a few decades ago, many of the voluntary U.S. adoptions are “open” — with adoptive parents communicating with the birth mother and often allowing her regular contact with the adopted child. However, the report says a significant number of birth mothers are manipulated, pressured and deceived — sometimes finding that they have no recourse when agreements they negotiated to visit or keep track of their children are broken.
But the "open adoption" is not enforceable by the court. Of course, the adopted parents rights come first.
The report recommended that birth mothers be given at least a few weeks after childbirth before the adoption decision becomes irrevocable. At present, irrevocable consent for an adoption can be established within four days after birth in roughly half the states.
“In many states, you can change your mind about buying a vacuum cleaner or taking out a mortgage within a prescribed time period, but most states do not have a revocation period during which a mother can change her mind about relinquishing her child,” the report said.
The report said the rights of birth fathers also deserve stronger protections, including notification of pending adoptions.
Now, I agree with most of the aspects. Of course the mothers need counseling, giving up a child is a huge step. And of course, they should be able to keep track of their kids, for the most part. And the birth fathers need more rights. But I'll admit, I'm a little sketchy about allowing the mother a few weeks to decide to give up the child. This is for a two reason.
The child and the adopted parents.
The child bonds with their parents almost immediately after they are born. To put them into an environment to just yank them out a few weeks later is a little harsh. The fact of the matter is, there is a child that the adoption agency has to decide whats best for, and unfortunately, the child must come before anything.
And the adopted parents have also been through an emotional rollar coster. Most of them have been trying to adopt a kid for years and to think that they might finally have one, to just have it taken away is only what I would call a very sick joke.
But maybe with the counseling, the mothers would make what is the best decison for the child. So maybe a few weeks is neccessary. But, like I said, what is best for the child comes before whats best for the birth mom.
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I think that better counseling needs to be givin before a mother is allowed to consent to adoption. I have been in the situation where I had to give up my baby for adoption, because I wasn't ready and I was pregnant because of a rape, but I admit I got very little counseling in my decision. I expressed my desire not even an intent just what I was leaning towards because I was thinking of maybe keeping the baby, and all of a sudden they had family profiles out and papers for me to sign. No one talked to me about my background or situation. No one seemed to care about the birth mother just about getting the baby. I felt pushed and rushed through everything and I felt decisions were being made for me and they were just guiding my signature along. It wasn't my parents doing this either, I was 27, it was the adoption agency.
So I can see how a birth mother, if they went through what I did, might feel, once they give birth, the overwhemlming desire to change her mind because she may have felt like she wasn't the one who made the decision in the first place.
I don't know your cousin's situation so I can't say if that was her situation, all I can say is what my experience was and that I think that the birth mothers NEED WAY MORE counseling by the agency to be sure they know that the birth mother is making an informed decision. I think this would cut down on the trend on birth mothers changing their minds after birth.
As the mother featured in the article and the firstparent in open adoption blogger at adoption blogs, I can tell you that independent counseling is needed for expectant parents. I say independent because the "counseling" that is currently available is provided by the adoption agency who has a vested interest in whether the mother places her child or not and that, of course, is lots of money. Until agencies start acting in truly ethical fashion, which includes informing expectant parents of the ins and outs of adoption (which, if you read, I was not), children and adoptive parents will also be hurt in the process. If agencies work to inform both adult sides of the triad of everything invloved in the adoption process (emotional, legal, etc), then we'll see less and less of the so-called injustices that you speak about here.
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Jenna
Birth/First Parent Blogger at AdoptionBlogs
Most certainly counseling, and independent counseling is needed.
www.worldcantwait.com
Mothers giving up their children need counseling before giving birth so that they are sure about their decision. Probably if the mother is willing to give up the kid there are problems that aren't going to go away just because she gets emotionally overwhelmed and wants to keep her kid.
I really don't think there should be a period where the birth mother can revoke her decision. As far as I am concerned the adoptive parents have more rights to the child than the birth mother once the decision is made and the baby born. Why should biological concerns overrule the people who are willing to love and care for a child, assuming the mother made a well informed decision of course.
I think maybe the biological father should be considered as the first in line to adopt, but probably if the mother is giving away the kid something is wrong there too.
Res ipsa loquitur.
memor mori, mahalo.
You mentioned that you felt women should not change their mind once the child is born. Well adequate counseling can help prevent that. It will help them learn and explore their options and their feelings about them and prepare them for relinquishment a little better, if that is what they ultimately decide what is best for their child.
Relinquishing your child for adoption is a life altering decision that a birthparent deals with for the rest of his or her life. If he/she needs a few extra weeks to make a decision, then they should take that time so that they can have peace and comfort in knowing they took time and lots of thought to make this decision.
is do parents considering relinquishing their rights deserve counseling? and the answer of course is YES.