In Faulkner’s much vaunted The Sound and the Fury Caddie Compson responds to her brother’s questions of why she allowed a boy kiss her by taunting his horror of the defilement of what he perceives to be her honor, claiming
“I didn’t let him, I made him!”
Now, Faulkner is the man who felt that the phrase “My mother is a fish” constituted an entire chapter, so perhaps everything he states and insinuates cannot be taken seriously or even into consideration. But this phrase has stuck in my head. It’s scandalous. The natural order of things involves boys pressuring girls into various romantic compromises and girls relenting and submitting to desires they do not feel only when their defenses are broken down… unless they’re whores with no moral fiber to begin with. Right?
Caddie’s brother Quentin assumes that Caddie must have been kissed against her will, or at very least that she did not enjoy the kiss, out of love and respect for her, because he wishes to believe her incapable of such wanton behavior. Has society changed all that much since the 1900’s with regard to this matter? Certainly the number of those who would outwardly express indignity at a girl being forward has dwindled, but patterns of social interaction still gravitate towards male dominance. This behavior is so ingrained as to be subconscious. The etiquette of girls initiating anything from physical intimacy to the relationship itself is probably not one many girls deliberately consider before acting, yet they are still held in its sway.
Exposing one’s self to emotional vulnerability is terrifying, and in bearing the brunt of this burden boys are expected to display interest first. But if the rationale behind a girl waiting for a boy to call (or, in today’s world, text or IM) is simply that girls aren’t supposed to call boys first, what purpose is being served? Does she actually want to talk to him, or is she carrying out an elaborate ritual of pre-prescribed actions? In what way, shape or form are these coolly calculated games of teasing romantic or fun? And if they aren’t, why do we bother?
Possibly because women are on some level still, both by themselves and by men viewed as not being in possession of their own wants and desires. Acting on them is subsequently frowned upon.
What perhaps should be striven for is not role reversal but role equality. I personally have never understood what drives some women to calculate at what point good night kisses are to be allowed or when to strategically ignore calls to feign business. My overall feeling on this matter and others is this: If you want something and pursuing it won’t cause harm to yourself or others, go for it. Don’t allow yourself to be bound by anyone’s expectations or ashamed of how you may be perceived.
Taking steps towards what she wants does not make a girl a slut. Why right has society to condemn her?
I completely agree.