Two days ago i watched the man i love board a plan and leave for Iowa- for good. We have been together off and on for four years. it feels like my heart has been ripped out because of the circumstances. we had been broken up for 6 months-the longest we've ever gone without seeing one another. we both tried to forget about one another. both of us entered new relationships and tried to love someone else. however, the feeling never came. there were no sparks, there were no butterflies, there wasnt even the feeling of happiness. It was as if my heart refused to let go of the past. my heart refused to let go of a man i'd loved for so long. after 6 months of not speaking, seeing, or knowing any type of news about one another...i broke down. i called him, i drove to see him, i cried infront of him, i told him how unhappy i had been and how miserable i felt for trying to make him think otherwise. he felt the same. he broke down also. together we cried and hugged and laughed at how stupid and naive we were to think we could ever replace the connection we have. i believe God puts a soulmate on earth for everyone. i believe he creates a matching pair in heaven before he thrusts them into each others lives. There was no reason for our paths to ever entertwine. He was born and raised in Iowa, myself in Indiana. By chance we met. and all i can say is there really is love at first sight. We stood by each others sides in more stuggles and more hardships then most can imagine. and living life without him was like living without a soul. as feeble and weak as that may sound to others, its not. when you love like that, you cannot help how you feel.. if you judge for loving like that, then you have never loved. After 6 months and 2 new relationships, we could not move on. we found our ways back to each other again and for the last time. However here is my fear...i have a life in Indiana. He is going to take over a family business in Iowa. I am not going to be able to join him for a few months. In fact, i am not even sure if i will have the chance to join him. So what if he doesnt come back for me? what if things go bad and we seperate again? what if i hurt myself more by going waiting for him? there are so many things that could go wrong that i'm having a hard time keeping my faith. i believe that our connection and our love is real. i believe that he is the one God created for me to travel through life with. i guess my fears are just silly. the fear of him not coming back for me, or the fear of getting left behind. but i cannot help the way i feel. the anxiety is eating holes in my wall of defense. i hope love can really conquer all, even a 14 hour trip seperating us. my heart is states away, becoming a better man. i am proud of what he is doing, i just dont want to be left behind. i dont want to have to try to love again bc i already have done so and found it impossible. *Nathan I love you and i'm praying for you!* please come back for me!
left behind....
By MyHeartIsInIowa - Posted on May 2nd, 2008
I went through a similar struggle and mine turned out well, so I want to give you hope! My soul mate and I met in high school. The first time that he left me behind was when he went to college...and left me in high school. We went our separate ways, moved on to other relationships, and eventually found each other again. A while later, he moved across country and I had a few of the same fears that you have. But I knew in my heart it was meant to be. We used our cell phones to keep in touch almost every night, so it didn't cost much. I flew out when I could, and he came home when he could. After I worked for a few years and finished grad school, I found a job in his town. We bought a house, and have been happily married ever since. We were long distance about 8 years!
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, and I have had many of the same thoughts as you... I'm not sure I can move on, and we both openly agree that we still love each other. I'm not sure if I should break all contact for a few months to try to move on, or if that would make any difference. Even if we did get back together, our situations are... unique, to say the least. I live 1000+ miles away from him, and he won't move. I'm registered to take night classes here in the Fall, unless I happen to get into a medical school near him, and I might have to be responsible for taking care of my little sisters for an extended amount of time in the coming years.
So, I totally understand where you're coming from.
~C
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Keep the lines of communication open and things should be ok, as long as both of you are really committed to your relationship working out. Distance is rough, and I know how you feel.
I made a very tough choice when I moved to Japan... I left behind the one guy I ever saw myself with in the future. The distance, time difference, and different life experiences pretty much killed us. He's now engaged to someone else (which I just found out about last week). It sucks. However, I'm trying to have an attitude that it was meant to be. After all, he never wants to leave Minnesota, and after seeing a whole different side of the world, I don't think I could go back for good.
Basically, between phones and email, you should be able to keep in-touch with your man without issues of huge time differences. If you're both in it 100%, it should be ok. Good luck!
It seems like everything works out in the end. If you guys are really meant to be together, then I believe you will be, someday. It just won't be today. In the meantime, don't waste your life waiting. You could be waiting for a very long time, you should take advantage of that time.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.