I meditated for the first time in a long time the other day. I closed my eyes and just relaxed. After a few moments, well, probably several minutes, of trying to relax my body my thoughts began to bombard me. Over and over again, one thought kept reoccurring. What do I want people to think of me? This is not the first time I've asked this question. It is a way for me to become what I really want to be, as well as a reflection of what I hold in high regard in other people. My answers over the years have changed, but this time they were the same as last time.
I want people to say that I'm witty, highly intelligent, have a sharp mind, capable (of doing many things), amiable, stubborn, open minded, honest to a fault, and many more. The focus of my meditations took a different route though. I focused mainly on sharpening my mind. Over the last four years of my undergraduate career, I have found that I have been lacking in this area more than some of the others. This year will be different.
I graduated, but I'm on my way to getting into graduate school. Researching and studying is one of my passions that won't let go of me. However, I will be no good at this unless I do a few things to sharpen my mind first. My first task is to get organised. I have always started out with good intentions, but it never lasts. Good ol' Sod (Murphy, for those of you that aren't British) steps up and knocks me out before I can really get a good pattern going. Life enters and I fall apart. Not this time.
Yesterday I started out with a notepad at work. It will stay at work, writing down all the instructions that I get. I do a lot of "geekwork", or if you prefer, a lot of problem solving with a computer. Much of it is data entry, not programming, but it is still geekwork. I keep this notepad at work, crossing things off and making more notes of what needs to be done to get to the final solution. I also put a to-do list on the bottom which helps me stay organised for the next day. My boss comes in and can look over my work, write his notes down and correct anything that I have written down incorrectly. It seems to be working only two days in.
Now if I could keep it up...
I also need to organise my personal life. There is so much going on that I keep an ever-growing-to-do-list. I do manage to cross things off, but for the most part the things on my list take more than a few hours. Things such as "research into scholarships, fellowships, grants and loans for grad school" and "write essay for x scholarship" are on there. These things take time to research and do. It is not easy when things keep piling up.
My life is about to get more complicated, since I'm taking one class on top of volunteering for the local democratic office and historical association on top of working full time. Sod will not win out this time. I'll have my way. I have a lot of work to do ahead of me, but my mind shall be a bit sharper at the end of this training year. I hope to see results a bit sooner than that though.
