No Longer Looking for Love

In the past I would continuously date guys that were not supportive of my dreamz or my goals. I use to think I was on top of the world if I was riding Marta and a guy would come up and talk to me and compliment me. In my childish mind along with support from my friends, I began to think this was love. These guys would say they loved me after 2 or 3 weeks of knowing me. I was trying to be wifey to these guys at the age of 14. WTF!! Most of these guys had a child at times 2 or more. I had to get over this up of caring about these guys so much that I did not care about myself. I was trying so hard to find love and once a guy said he loved me I believed that I was supposed to celebrate with sex. This concept took a while to release it's self from my brain into a deadly mist. I got to the point that I could not put up with being pushed and constantly being treated like a 2 year old when I would speak. If I would get mad at these men they would turn it around on me. This is not the life I saw for myself because I had made plans to find Mr. Right and be married by 18. This of course changed because I had a down spiral pattern of bad boyfriends ( immature males that keep secrets) They constantly claimed that they were men instead of just being a man. I wanted to be in love; I wanted love to come up and knock on my door, pick me up and carry me away like a fairy tale. I believe that the guys would prey on my inner insecurities at the time. Since I have been in college, I have called and talked to many of my ex's and they no longer have that effect on me. I cqan talk to them and stand strong on what I want. For example, In the past I would have sex with guys even If I did not want to because I believed it was my obligation, but Now, get real I talk to these guys and laugh in their faces. It's my past and I do not condone any of my action and I don't have time to be excusing my self with long drawn out sap stories. The truth is I was looking for love in the wrong places all the time before I knew what love was or who I was. I am still learning about me everyday but I know what I will and will not accept from anyone. I was looking for love when love is supposed to find me. I am not saying get out there because I am meeting people everyday but I am willing NOW to let a man step up to add to who I am as a person. I don't want someone to complete me because I have God and my journey through life to do this. As I meet these new males I require that they are trying to do something with their lives, respect me, we can become friends, understanding, supportive, strong communcator, and like me for me. I will not get rid of a guy on appearance we have to get to know each other. I will never give up on LOVE I am not looking for love because I know that If it's meant to be it'll happen.