I am a terrible person, really.
I know this is moving me backwards in the self-esteem chart, but I think I deserve it. I was probably the worst me possible - yesterday. And probably the worst person living on Earth at that moment.
On Saturday, I spent an entire ferry-ride telling my best friend (who just might have the biggest heart in the entire world), 5 different scenarios of how his biggest nightmares might come true. 5 different scenarios born out of the devil that is in my head that I'm pretty sure made him feel like shit.
It was like hitting a man down already. Like a UFC fight with no referee to pull back the one guy who kicks the other guy who already said no more. I cannot believe I was that guy.
There are lots of moments in my life that I would gladly pay to forget (read: 4 years of high school) - but intentionally hurting my best friend just might be my biggest asshole moment yet. The worst part was - he just took it. I kept on going on and ON about how he just might lose his family and everyone he cares about and he just listened. I don't know why but that lack of counter-attack just made me even angrier and made my stories even more brutal. You know how people say there are "fighting words?" My words slashed holes in his heart, and I don't know how to fix that.
There are some times when I just amaze myself by how insensitive and mean I can be, and this past weekend was one of them. I'm pretty sure that the high power or spirit out there is punishing me, because it's 4:46 am and I don't think I'll be sleeping any time soon. So yes, I just spent the last five hours thinking about what I did. I feel like a criminal and wish SO much I could just rewind, take it all back and say sorry and give him a HUGE hug. I know - my parents always told me "bad people do bad things" - but maybe sometimes, people just make mistakes. : (
Sadly, I admit that on blog, I am much more honest and open than I ever am face-to-face.
So - even though actions speak louder than words.....here it is: I'm sorry.
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Face to face, and the sooner the better. Just tell him everything you wrote here. This blog is a very sincere apology.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Give yourself some credit- at least you realize what you did. Definitely apoligize to your friend. Yes, people make mistakes.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
You are a male, correct??
Well its in your genes to be mean.
HA!
Just kidding..
But i am confused about the five different scenario story telling thing.
But it is always good to apologize and mean it!!
So did you tell him you are sorry??
thatgirl2089